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Re: The Bastion of the Courageous - a RAT Story

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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
31 May 2013 01:43 PM
The Marshal stood perched on the tower, surveying the surrounding land. Not that there was much to observe. It was freezing cold, and the peaks that overlooked the Citadel were shrouded in the avant-garde of that year's snowfall. The town below was visible, but only just. Some soldiers were walking the streets, patrolling for any indication of trouble. The new garrison had just recently adapted to the system of streets in the place, which was so byzantine several patrolling squads had lost their way multiple times. He lowered his binoculars from his face. The Marshal stepped down from the tower and, much to his surprise, it proceeded to explode beneath him.

"The Neo-Crusaders are attacking! To your positions, comrades!" a Coordinator shouted over the din of battle. The Marshal knew it was much too late, though. The Neo-Crusaders had already blown a hole into the tower he was standing on. It was a neat trick, he acknowledged. They had blown a great enough gap to accommodate an assaulting force, but not so large the tower would collapse. The Marshal bet they didn't know he was on the tower, and he hatched a plan. The trouble was his time was severely limited, for the Crusaders were pouring into the Citadel. He needed to move to the communications station, and quickly - for the Crusaders were ripping apart the Frostarian defense perimeter.

"Hold the line! Fill that gap, Ash! Lay down some covering fire-" the Coordinator never finished his sentence. Probably because he had a bullet in his chest. The skirmish, a mere eleven minutes in, was going dismally. The Neo-Crusaders were flanking to the right with a powerful Assault Tank (hijacked from the vehicle depot in the initial confusion). The Frostarian soldiers were making a valiant stand from City Hall, further into the Citadel's center. Ammunition was critically depleted. There were no antitank weapons or machine guns. The number of wounded was increasing rapidly, and to top it all off, a Crusader sniper had picked off the last Supervisor, leaving the remaining defenders in leaderless confusion. The Assault Tank appeared to the right of the hall, and high explosive shells crashed into the West Wing of the building, which collapsed. Suddenly a rocket, seemingly from nowhere, hit the tank and exploded, stopping the tank dead in its tracks.

The Marshal grinned at the scene unfolding before him. The scrambled Neo-Crusaders positioned near the smoldering Assault Tank were thoroughly shocked. Another rocket crashed into the Neo-Crusaders disfigured infantry formation, sending scores of the enemy to the ground. The Marshal glanced upward. Central Command had those bombers out here in the nick of time, he thought with relief as hundreds of Neo-Crusaders retreated before the explosive onslaught. The Frostarians took the offensive, launching an attack from City Hall and eliminating the Neo-Crusader stragglers. The Marshal reloaded his missile launcher and fired a missle into the weakened first tower's structural support, which collapsed on the fleeing Crusaders and trapped the rest in the ersatz corner formed by the Citadel's walls. The remaining Frostarian soldiers and the bombers high above made short work of the remaining enemy forces. The cost had been high, the Marshal thought, but we held here. Against all odds, Frostaria had again triumphed. He jumped down to his cheering soldiers and motioned for quiet. After they had ceased speaking, he spoke to them;

"Comrades, today you have fought and bested a foe superior in numbers and firepower. You have stood your ground against all odds and prevailed. Your courage, sacrifice, and patriotism in holding this Citadel will never be forgotten. Aeternam honorem ad Frostaria!"

And they all cheered with him, for victory was theirs.
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JordanRaptor is not online. JordanRaptor
Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 21282
31 May 2013 01:45 PM
This was amazing! I usually do not read Lore stories of this length, but as I was surveying or skimming, if you will, I could not help but consistently read paragraph after paragraph; good work!

>> Slow clap
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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
31 May 2013 02:09 PM
Thanks!
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Nwanne56 is not online. Nwanne56
Joined: 27 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 99
01 Jun 2013 05:07 PM
Just amazing. Join the Frostaria Times!
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shadow1986 is not online. shadow1986
Joined: 17 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 323
02 Jun 2013 08:02 AM
Loved the story! If RAT made a book, this should be In It.

~shadow1986~

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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
02 Jun 2013 12:14 PM
Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.

post script - RAT is the best Clan
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Xenatus is not online. Xenatus
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 13589
02 Jun 2013 12:15 PM
Awesome story!
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Commando2012 is not online. Commando2012
Joined: 06 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 59
03 Jun 2013 06:48 PM
Short story the marshal is me in the future
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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
03 Jun 2013 06:50 PM
@commando

it is whoever you want it to be

lelelelel
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Inysa is not online. Inysa
Joined: 18 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 4477
03 Jun 2013 06:50 PM
"This was amazing! I usually do not read Lore stories of this length..."

... Only a few paragraphs? That's you limit...? Hell, if I was in RAT this story thing would be fantastic for me, and I would have seven or so parts done by now, each one maybe 12 paragraphs. Not including dialouge switching (Which nobody else seems to do...).
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TheLittleGoomba is not online. TheLittleGoomba
Joined: 04 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 17700
03 Jun 2013 06:51 PM
amazing mate
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Shadowninja647 is not online. Shadowninja647
Joined: 17 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 6383
03 Jun 2013 06:52 PM
MAKE A WHOLE BOOK OR ME MUG YOU It's epic
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Bomber926 is not online. Bomber926
Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 2848
03 Jun 2013 06:53 PM
oa aama dmddekfmkkdkddkkksksskdksk<--------That made less sense than this.
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Tesana is not online. Tesana
Joined: 24 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1420
03 Jun 2013 06:56 PM
Short.

Lacking plotline.

Lacking characters.

Lacking personality.

Lacking descriptive writing.

Lacking any real link to the clan as a whole.



What I decided to picture was Slenderman as the Marshall on top of a white tower in the middle of nowhere formerly owned by a princess, and a tent with wood scraps surrounding it.

And of course, invisible soldiers and one-second fighting.
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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
03 Jun 2013 07:12 PM
@Tesana

Short - its a short story

Lacking Characters - Yes, but I had to fit it into a small length.

Lacking Personality - "Comrades, today you have fought and bested a foe superior in numbers and firepower. You have stood your ground against all odds and prevailed. Your courage, sacrifice, and patriotism in holding this Citadel will never be forgotten. Aeternam honorem ad Frostaria!"

Lacking descriptive writing - Ammunition was critically depleted. There were no antitank weapons or machine guns. The number of wounded was increasing rapidly, and to top it all off, a Crusader sniper had picked off the last Supervisor, leaving the remaining defenders in leaderless confusion.

Lacking any real link to the Clan as a whole - Aeternam honorem ad Frostaria!"

The Frostarians took the offensive, launching an attack from City Hall and eliminating the Neo-Crusader stragglers.

I said constructive criticism, not saying its all bad without even reading it.

If you had a bad day, go take a nap.
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rodgerdodger is not online. rodgerdodger
Top 100 Poster
Joined: 22 May 2008
Total Posts: 21254
03 Jun 2013 07:12 PM
I remember when you were in Haven.

Good soldier.

Nice story man.

~The Ranger~
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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
03 Jun 2013 07:14 PM
@everyone

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the comments (and criticism).

@rodger

Good luck with TGI and VS, and thank you, I do try.

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jiaan is not online. jiaan
Joined: 30 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 382
03 Jun 2013 07:15 PM
Black, clearly you're daft if you think any of your replies at all disproved what Tesana said. This was rubbish. Goosebumps bloody has more soul and better writing than this... Do they still make those? I don't know.

You're talentless. Cry about it.
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BlackHawk100 is not online. BlackHawk100
Joined: 15 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 15675
03 Jun 2013 08:14 PM
Well, I did say constructive criticism, you're just ranting, lel.
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trooper502 is not online. trooper502
Joined: 10 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 478
03 Jun 2013 09:47 PM
^
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