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Divergent - Chapter One [ Fan Fiction ]

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DoNtToUcHtHePoWa is not online. DoNtToUcHtHePoWa
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 8
07 May 2013 08:58 PM
I fix my black, thin-rimmed glasses to my face, and sweep my long silky auburn hair into a bun. I try to make my appearance as sharp as possible. Studious looks were vital to my faction - Erudite. Foolish, comfortable clothing, on the other hand, was restricted. It showed a sign of unintelligence.

My mother walks by me, wearing a sky blue corset, with a matching skirt. Her black high heels finished off her appearance. She tightens my hair bow, which leaves a few strands of my hair hanging from the back of the bun, but I leave it hanging - Looks good.

"Well, tomorrow's the Aptitude Tests," She smiles, but I can easily tell she's forcing it.

"Yes," I grin.

"How do you think you and Brandon will do?" I can see the tension in her eyes - Or is it just her Erudite curiousity setting in again?

Brandon was my age. 16. He had auburn hair, like mines, but lighter. Way lighter. He had a smile that shimmered as it reflected off crystal clear water. He had glowing blue eyes, and he often wore a blue tuxedo with a black bow tie. He was handsome.

I purse my lips, and think of the come-outs.

Abnegation? No, I cared too much about my appearance to be Abnegation, and I wasn't even the slightest bit selfless. Anyways, Abnegation was literally a mortal enemy to Erudite, so I immediately kick Abnegation off my list.

Amity? I don't think so. I wasn't quiet much - I preferred to speak. Amity doesn't really go well with my personality, anyways.

Candor? No way. I tell to many lies.

I'm stuck with two decisions left - Dauntless and Erudite, but I prefer to go with the more intelligent decision - Erudite.

"We're going to get Erudite," I say. "Probably," I make no promises.

My mother actually gives off a real smile this time, which makes me smile, also. "Do you have any clue where your brother is, Jeanette?"

"He's probably locked up in his room, studying, like always," I roll my eyes. He may be Erudite, but he doesn't always have to barricade himself in the room and study for tests all day. I rarely see Brandon outside - Which explains his pale complexion completely.

"Would you mind checking on him, dear?" My mother buttons up her corset.

"Alright," I start up the staircase, to where his bedroom is. Once I reach the top of the stairwell, I walk over to the door of Brandon's bedroom, and I start knocking at the doors. After 5 seconds, no answer. My dainty knocks turn into rabid punches.

After about 1 minute, Brandon finally bothers to get up and open the door.

"About time," My face is red, and my hand was hurting from how hard I punched the door. My knuckles were black and blue.

"Sorry, I was studying," Brandon holds my hands, and looks down at my bruised knuckles.

"Of course you were," I tug my hand away from his. I walk toward the stack of assorted books on his bed. A variety of subjects were organized into separate piles - Mathematics, Biology, History - You name it. "Mother talked to me about the Aptitude Tests."

"What'd she say?"

"She asked me what I thought our results would come out to,"

"And you said?"

"Erudite,"

Brandon smiles. "Good."

I read my electronic watch. 8:30. "We should really get some rest. It's getting late, and we have a big day tomorrow.

"Right,"

Before I'm about to walk out, I say good night, and he says good night back.

I walk down the staircase, almost tripping on the old wooden boards multiple times. The stairs, in my vision, were technically death contraptions. I am relieved when I get to the bottom, and I pull out a few splinters I got from running my hand along the wooden railing.

I walk to my bedroom, and I launch myself on to the bed, but I didn't bother to drown myself under the blankets, considering the fact that it was practically boiling hot in here.

For thirty minutes, I practically rolled around, since I couldn't go to sleep, and then I remind myself that the test is tomorrow, and I need all the rest I can possibly get, since I have no clue what to expect, and I want to make sure I'm awake and ready for anything the testers try to launch at me. I close my eyes, and I fall asleep.
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Secretist is not online. Secretist
Joined: 16 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 10562
08 May 2013 07:47 PM
I've actually read the real book of this, haha :)
nice.

I suggest you make a wattpad, it's a nice site to share your stories and read others :)
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LeslieVernon is not online. LeslieVernon
Joined: 15 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 10800
08 May 2013 09:48 PM
Interesting story, but you need to work on how you write your actions. They're very cliche and weaken your writing when you try too hard at making similes and metaphors.
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