diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 07:44 PM |
Prologue
One morning, Diuto woke up and greeted his GF, Verenicin. As soon as he greeted her, some men busted into their hotel. "Hello Sir Diuto!" Said Servak. "Hello, bit too much of a surprise, don't ya think?" "Sorry Sir, but there's just been a terrorist attack in the city of Diuto, Lympha!" "When I'm in my hotel! COME ON!" Diuto grabbed his FEAR Destroyer, scheduled his private jet coordinates from Capital City, Venezia to Diuto, Lympha, and trained.
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A few hours later when the jet landed, Diuto ordered all the men to split up and find the terrorist attack. "First who finds this ******* of a terrorist, gets 30 million Veza. But they didn't know what they were in for.
TO BE CONTINUED
P.S. The Prologue is short, but the chapters are long.
Ask to be in this! |
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iC7G
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2013 |
| Total Posts: 5377 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 07:44 PM |
nice hari
my dream job is cerial killer |
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Doop99
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| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 07:46 PM |
Better put WIDA in this as a badass with a turtle on his shoulder... #IncludeWIDA and if you include me, out wida instead of my name, kk.
~Mess with wida, die with wida, or I just murder your face~ |
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diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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Doop99
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| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 07:50 PM |
| I want my character to have a sycthe and can fly with Wings and is a total badass hero. |
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diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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Doop99
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| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 07:55 PM |
| Fine. Then I atleast want to have my pet draco. >.> But i still want to be a hero in the story. |
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diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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RAG3GUY
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| Joined: 18 Sep 2011 |
| Total Posts: 55 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:08 PM |
Duito, to make your story better and more understandable, do this
A man named John, a finely dressed man, walked into the room bragging about his money.
"I have so much money, omg." boasted John waving his hand in the air getting attention.
Just across the room, anger inside Jack boiled as he watched John go around the room boasting about his money and achievements.
"JOHN, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, GET OUT." roared Jack.
"Oh shut up, I'm only talking about my latest invention." said John, looking as innocent as possible as if nothing has ever happened.
Diuto, did you see what I did? I made the dialogue less boring, I made a new paragraph as soon as a new person talked, I also made the characters have thoughts, and also told the sound of the voice using words instead of straight plain out.
I hope I helped you Diuto, and have good luck while writing a story, if you need any help, ask me.
Also, make me a Police guy who joins you on his adventures. (I'm in MP, XP) |
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diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:13 PM |
| No offense, that was boring. |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:21 PM |
| I don't care if I'm a killer. I just want to be in it. x3 |
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Collin201
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| Joined: 27 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 12394 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:22 PM |
k
~Clans have a purpose, these words don't.~ |
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Buster362
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| Joined: 06 Nov 2011 |
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Redsoxs4
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| Joined: 15 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 17324 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:30 PM |
| I can see it now, that dirty terrorist was Redsoxs4. >.> @Diuto make me the bad guy. c: |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
| My group is the HELP FEAR join F.E.A.R. Black Operations ASAP!!! |
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RAG3GUY
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| Joined: 18 Sep 2011 |
| Total Posts: 55 |
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| 29 Apr 2013 08:40 PM |
Diuto, I know what I said was boring, it was just to give you an idea to stop making your dialogues boring as they currently are. Your dialogues are just like "________" "________."
Also, no offense is something offensive to other people that you are friends with, around you while saying something, not used as an insult when you are insulting someone. |
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diuto717
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| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
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| 30 Apr 2013 05:03 PM |
"I really want 30 million Veza!" Servak, Diuto's top General said. "HECK YEAH! I'll be rich enough to buy 30 mansions for all I care!" "How on earth does he have all that money to give to us?" "HE'S RICH! HE MAKES 300 MILLION VEZA A YEAR!" "Someone needs to study the Venezian soldier rank pay per year!"
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"A single Officer makes 300 Million Veza per year." "The Commander makes over 10 Decillion Veza a year!" Said Doop99. "Eh Doop, you always carry that pet draco with you." "HE'S MY FRIEND, SO BACK OFF!" "Ok, ok." "Let's stop chatting before Diuto comes." Said WIDA.
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There was a brushing sound in the bushes. "Who's there?!" Then a bomb that looked like a cookie was thrown. "Ooh a cookie!" Said the Recruit. "DON'T EAT THAT COOKIE!" Said everyone. Then, boom! It was too late, it had exploded, knocking them all out cold. "This is good, this is very good!" Said the secret terrorist.
TO BE CONTINUED! |
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| 30 Apr 2013 05:08 PM |
| Allow me in,I'm a [Supposed to be] specialist in FEAR. |
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ShadowSTR
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| Joined: 08 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 24465 |
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| 30 Apr 2013 05:09 PM |
| Change the gf name to victoria |
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1roy999
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| Joined: 18 Jun 2010 |
| Total Posts: 5603 |
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| 01 May 2013 02:20 PM |
| ME! I WANT IN!!!! [MAJ VENOM] |
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beebart12
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| Joined: 01 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 987 |
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