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Re: Whenever I get a package of M&Ms...

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Rippetoe is not online. Rippetoe
Joined: 10 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 29
21 Apr 2013 07:47 PM
I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
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CumInAJar is not online. CumInAJar
Joined: 16 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 30
21 Apr 2013 07:49 PM
Whenever I get a package of M&M's.... I put them in my butthole.
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NarutosRasengan1 is not online. NarutosRasengan1
Joined: 28 Jun 2007
Total Posts: 15727
21 Apr 2013 07:51 PM
i shove them all in my mouth and choke for 5 minutes until i finally swallow it
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DiamondDragonair is not online. DiamondDragonair
Joined: 04 May 2011
Total Posts: 15339
21 Apr 2013 07:52 PM
holy crap i'm going to try that
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rohitd1 is not online. rohitd1
Joined: 27 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 1347
21 Apr 2013 07:52 PM
Whenever I get a package of M&M's.... i watch p



o r

no
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bella54666 is not online. bella54666
Joined: 09 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 4077
21 Apr 2013 07:54 PM
i have birds so i like to suck the juice out of them and call it an egg
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BiologicalIntent is not online. BiologicalIntent
Joined: 25 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 11816
21 Apr 2013 07:54 PM
This is the best thread all week
All month maybe
Maybe the best one I've ever seen

Assuming it's original
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lion9031 is not online. lion9031
Joined: 27 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 14344
21 Apr 2013 07:55 PM
do you do the same for skittles
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Varple is not online. Varple
Joined: 09 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 14296
21 Apr 2013 07:55 PM
approved
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ScriptedFail is not online. ScriptedFail
Joined: 20 Apr 2013
Total Posts: 3574
21 Apr 2013 07:56 PM
I like this thread, good job man. Let the m&ms live!!
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joan12650 is not online. joan12650
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 12281
21 Apr 2013 07:56 PM
i think ive seen this before

oh yes i know

4chan?
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BiologicalIntent is not online. BiologicalIntent
Joined: 25 Dec 2012
Total Posts: 11816
21 Apr 2013 07:57 PM
"i think ive seen this before

oh yes i know

4chan?"

I knew it wasn't original
Such a shame
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joan12650 is not online. joan12650
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 12281
21 Apr 2013 07:58 PM
also i've tried this before
i cant break the shell
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67thave is not online. 67thave
Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 34741
21 Apr 2013 07:59 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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lastmoon is not online. lastmoon
Joined: 02 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 2687
21 Apr 2013 07:59 PM
"duty"
heh duty
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