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Re: I feel like continuing this and writing a book with it.

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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 08:27 PM
I stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing my hands of blood, what had just happened minutes ago still ringing through my mind like a church bell. Afterwords, I walked past the living room and down the hall to my bedroom. I sat in my bed, wrapping my arms around my knees, sitting and trying to forget. Just sitting in the dim light of my uncovered window. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the shadowy figure once again. He stepped forward, centering Himself into my vision. As usual, I couldn't see His face past the shadow of his hood. He stood there, staring me down. After what seemed like an eternity, He threw down a Klondike bar.

"I hope it was worth it." He muttered in disgust, fading into the black canvas that was the shadow of the night that enveloped my room.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 08:34 PM
I love surprise endings.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 10:28 PM
Aw, no ratings? :<
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jeffreincarnated9 is not online. jeffreincarnated9
Joined: 08 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 3170
18 Apr 2013 10:29 PM
this was already posted
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zevinneve is not online. zevinneve
Joined: 27 Jun 2017
Total Posts: 14466
18 Apr 2013 10:29 PM
I've seen it before.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 10:30 PM
"I've seen it before."

Really? Perhaps you've stumbled upon my DeviantART profile?
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tankkiller567 is not online. tankkiller567
Joined: 06 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 3672
18 Apr 2013 10:31 PM
Inb4 TLDR
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 10:51 PM
"Inb4 TLDR"

That never works on ROBLOX.
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xD12x is not online. xD12x
Joined: 30 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 123
18 Apr 2013 10:54 PM
ihatedthewholethingjustcuzitisboring

[Pink fluffy unicorns]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWM2joNb9NE
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calculator73 is not online. calculator73
Joined: 20 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 24725
18 Apr 2013 10:55 PM
so what's the conflict.
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rohitd1 is not online. rohitd1
Joined: 27 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 1347
18 Apr 2013 10:57 PM
i have a feeling i've read this before.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
18 Apr 2013 10:57 PM
"so what's the conflict."

Man vs. Self.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
20 Apr 2013 05:42 AM
"i have a feeling i've read this before."

But I wrote it recently.
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LunarMare is not online. LunarMare
Joined: 19 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 3072
20 Apr 2013 05:43 AM
it's too late to be reading anything more than two lines. -_-
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StanAdam is not online. StanAdam
Joined: 20 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 9698
20 Apr 2013 05:44 AM
Didn't you already post this?

༄・・・Īт'š ηõτ śραmмїηg ↔ їт'$ ḟїñgεг ėχέґḉįšiηg・・・༄
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Liquidize is not online. Liquidize
Joined: 25 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 336
20 Apr 2013 05:49 AM
you spelt afterwards wrong
say no more
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
20 Apr 2013 05:53 AM
"you spelt afterwards wrong"

Actually, I used the wrong one, but thanks for catching it.
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LunarMare is not online. LunarMare
Joined: 19 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 3072
20 Apr 2013 05:54 AM
okay, reading the first line, i spotted some comma splicing.


grammar matters, k?
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
20 Apr 2013 05:56 AM
"okay, reading the first line, i spotted some comma splicing. "

I don't know what that means, but my commas are used properly.
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RajkumarGuptaSingh is not online. RajkumarGuptaSingh
Joined: 06 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 5301
20 Apr 2013 05:56 AM
eh bretty good
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LunarMare is not online. LunarMare
Joined: 19 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 3072
20 Apr 2013 05:58 AM
"I stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing my hands of blood, what had just happened..."


I stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing my hands of blood. What had just happened...


"What has happened..." is another statement, therefore no period instead of comma.
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LunarMare is not online. LunarMare
Joined: 19 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 3072
20 Apr 2013 05:59 AM
>"What has happened..." is another statement, therefore no period instead of comma.


no comma, period instead.


god it's getting late.
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LunarEden is not online. LunarEden
Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 19663
20 Apr 2013 06:00 AM
It's "what had just happened minutes ago still ringing through my mind like a church bell."

Not "What had happened minutes ago rang through my mind like a church bell."

Therefor, it's right in that context.
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Somepony is not online. Somepony
Joined: 20 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 12957
20 Apr 2013 06:15 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
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xcalibur is not online. xcalibur
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 4719
20 Apr 2013 06:31 AM
What would you do~o~oo for a klondlike bar
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