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Re: Warrior Cats: Dawnlight (Warrior Cats Fan Fic)

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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:11 PM
A simple clan of cats beyond the far off lands of the New Lake Forest there lies many clans....DawnClan....DuskClan...but this clan is in the farthest of territories in the most Nature life place. NatureClan.They live with 3 other clans:MountainClan,LeafClan,and OakClan.These clans were once a thieving clan stealing kits known as DeathClan. After a massive rebellion the cats fought..much blood was spilled upon the cats.Eventually NatureClan,MountainClan,Leaf clan,and OakClan defeated them.Four cats known as Nature,Mountain,Leaf,and Oak took there own clans and set rules upon that forest.The rules didn't make much sense so they went ask a nearby clan:SnowClan,that lived in the high mountains where it was cold.They showed them right way the rules should be and how they should live.Back then the clan leaders never had the chance to get there nine lives.SnowClan was attacked by packs of rogues,each of the leaders sacrificed there lives for the safety of others.The clans settling in had only 5 or 6 cats,while SnowClan has much more.the survivors of this battle merged with each clan.Then with wisdom of StarClan they put down laws and settled in the requested places.Many moons have passed the clan has been through the worst of Leaf-bare yet,kits are dieng,greencough is among them,but like the first leaders said:"Dawnlight will always bring a brighter day".

(((Post in the description if you want your character in it!)))
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BIGLazor223 is not online. BIGLazor223
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 710
15 Apr 2013 07:14 PM
Too many clans, their names could use revising. The wording could be changed. Nice idea, though.
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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:16 PM
@BIG It would be nice if you please gave some suggestions on how many clans there should be,Etc Etc.I only posted this for ideas.
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BIGLazor223 is not online. BIGLazor223
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 710
15 Apr 2013 07:17 PM
Ok... First of all, Change natureclans name, thats where they live, nature, and I'm not sure the cats call it NATURE. Maybe you should keep it down to 4 or 5 clans.
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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:21 PM
Hmmm....ForestClan possibly?I want something that is similiar to nature,considereing they live in the best part of it.I'l do some editing and post a chapter tonight possibly.
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BIGLazor223 is not online. BIGLazor223
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 710
15 Apr 2013 07:21 PM
Forestclan is good :3
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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:23 PM
Thanks,as a reward if you want you can be a character in teh book .3.
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BIGLazor223 is not online. BIGLazor223
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Total Posts: 710
15 Apr 2013 07:33 PM
Can I choose Name and Appearance? .3.
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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:36 PM
Yea,ANETHANG11
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Nakattack is not online. Nakattack
Joined: 28 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 3092
15 Apr 2013 07:40 PM
I have a few writing suggestions.

First off, don't use "..." in the middle on your sentances.
Put spaces after your commas.
When you're stating a number, don't write it as "3," write it as "three" it makes your writing look cleaner overall.
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stingycullyn is not online. stingycullyn
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 1698
15 Apr 2013 07:41 PM
Thanks,and yes I have a bad habit of using elipses in my sentences.I'l work on it.
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LilyLighty is not online. LilyLighty
Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Total Posts: 1
14 May 2013 01:31 PM
I think you should tell a bit more about how the deathclan had stolen the kits.
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HotCoffeePot is not online. HotCoffeePot
Joined: 18 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 808
14 May 2013 02:36 PM
Add a bit less clans..

I'd keep it a maximum of seven, but even that is a lot.

Maybe five.

Also, write it in paragraphs, so that people don't feel overwhelmed by a wordwall..
Pretty good.
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