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Dodeka
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| Joined: 17 Oct 2012 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:29 PM |
There was an old farmer who lived on a rock He sat in the meadow just shaking his Fist at some boys who were down by the crick Their feet in the water, their hands on their Marbles and play things at a half passed four There came a young lady who looked like a Pretty, young preacher She sat on the grass, she pulled up her dress And she showed them her Ruffles, and laces and white fluffy duck She said she was learning a new way to Bring up her children, so they would not spit While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling Refuse, and litter from yesterday's hunt While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her Eyes at the fellow, down by the dock He looked like a man with a sizable Home in the country, with a big fence out front If he asked her politely, she'd show him her Little pet dog, who was subject to fits And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her Small, tender hands with a movement so quick And then she'd bend over and suck on his Candy, so tasty made of butterscotch And then he'd spread whip cream all over her Cookies that she had left out on her shelf If you think this is dirty You can go fahk yourself
surynot |
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sitar
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| Joined: 15 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 22965 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:29 PM |
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one. |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:29 PM |
once upon a time tinfoilbot the end |
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Agnotio
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| Joined: 01 Apr 2013 |
| Total Posts: 1074 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:30 PM |
once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle. he was so ugly that everyone died. the end
splodey splode |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:30 PM |
once apon a time
darkgenex came into lmad screaming BANANAS R FUD AND I DOUBT U EVN LIFT
then we all go to lmad hangout then get broed and leave
l2d starts up and we find there is a 99 chance greco is a gurl
then there is a story about a guy macs' a macser and that goes on all day
THE END
100 miles to chicago, its dark, and were wearing sunglasses |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:30 PM |
and then bradley's dad pushed in an muced creating a perfect baby haha 'perfect'
the rich get richer and the poor get poorer |
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redjumper
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| Joined: 15 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 7271 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one. |
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Maxxell
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| Joined: 25 Aug 2009 |
| Total Posts: 38710 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
ok
>so I was feeding my columbian boa a large rat >I pick it up, it bites me, runs away >have to leave for weekend >place rat trap down >come home after 2+ days >FOUND THE RAT >pick up trap >rat starts moving, bites me again >drop it on floor, still squirming in trap >step on rat with boot >blood everywhere
LESSON LEARNED: just because the rat is in the trap and the rat is not moving, that does not mean the rat is dead |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
once upon a time i made up a funny story that won a double rainbow
яคc¡หg Ъłσcкнεคdp¡ε тσ 20к pσรтร --I'm gonna post until I win!-- |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
Once there was a Guest named 1337 He owned all Oder and farted |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:31 PM |
DANGIT SITAR
YOUR COPIED AND PASTED YOURS FIRST |
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ericjr8
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| Joined: 02 Jan 2010 |
| Total Posts: 8040 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:32 PM |
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.
Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope! |
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AK78
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| Joined: 22 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 158 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:32 PM |
once upon a time i fell in a bush everyone got deleted the world ended
or
Once upon a time it was the end |
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bobisbob
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| Joined: 28 Oct 2007 |
| Total Posts: 1492 |
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| 06 Apr 2013 08:32 PM |
so there were these 2 men they had came to a "old" man and said "hey 0ld m@n!!!!1!! u m@ust b def111!!11/1!!" and later the old man said "what was that young man?" and the men said "haha he ish def" then we later found out that the old man was sparta and kicked them down the spartain hole the end |
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