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Re: [FEAR] The Commander's Son [Chapter 1] A Hint of Panic

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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
04 Apr 2013 05:39 PM
Reposting, as I feel like I made errors in the previous version. I also might change a few things. NOTE that I am not using full ROBLOX names.


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Everyone was panicking. Many hiding in their basements, and many watching their TVs. It were as if it were the end of the world. It was true chaos.

"GET OUT, AND WE WON'T HURT YOU." Shouted Prime General Ace, near a door in which FEAR Commander Sonic T. Hedgehog was being held captive by a spy from an unknown group.

"Animal, you and Iroc bring some Grade A Military Police and go through the vent system." Whispered Jason.

Animal told Iroc to get the police, and to quickly find an easy way into the vents.

"Follow me guys," Said Iroc. "I think the easiest way is through the storage rooms."

Iroc, Animal, and the police quickly ran to the closest storage room. Iroc struggled trying to get the metal door to open. Animal tried, and so did the police.

"What gives? Why won't this thing bust?" Said one of the policemen.

"I don't know," Iroc replied, and continued "if we are able to use enough force, we might be able to open the door."

The whole group walked back, and sprang towards the door. After about three of these door-mauling attacks, the door opened.

Ice covered the floor. Everyone's breath could be seen even though the whole building's temperature was regulated. The walls had ice shards that could potentially hurt someone. Sharp stalactites were found all over the roof. The only thing other than ice in the room was a machine. A cryogenic machine. Iroc was the only one to stare in awe.

One of the policewomen soon said "What is that thing?"

"Are you crazy? It's a cryogenic machine!" Replied Iroc.

"What's so special about this that makes you so exited?" Animal wondered.

"It's a BANNED cryogenic machine. These things were so powerful, if it would overcharge, even the hottest parts of our SUN would turn into a large tundra! I can't believe this behemoth is in a normal storage room!" Cried Iroc. In a split second, General Iroc snapped out of his confusion.

"We need to get to Sonic. Someone hurry up and break the ice so we could open the vent."

Everyone but Animal was breaking the ice. Few minutes in, and Iroc turns red.

"Come on Animal! Wake up and help us!" He shouted.

Animal didn't say anything. She didn't even move. She stared into the glass areas of the machine.

"Uh, Iroc? Is this part of the machine?" Panicked Animal.

Iroc walked towards the machine, and looked at where Animal was pointing. He too started to feel a hint of panic. A person was inside the machine. Little did he know who this person was.


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© 2013 FEAR Officer Harveer12121Alt All Rights Reserved
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bladexflame is not online. bladexflame
Joined: 04 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 2394
04 Apr 2013 05:53 PM
DUN DUN DUN, nice!
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TheLittleGoomba is not online. TheLittleGoomba
Joined: 04 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 17700
04 Apr 2013 06:18 PM
Amazing.
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jaybay1147 is not online. jaybay1147
Joined: 28 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 2188
04 Apr 2013 06:22 PM
Great! Put me in it. :3
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trevorholloway is not online. trevorholloway
Joined: 24 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 243
04 Apr 2013 06:24 PM
I want to be a main character please!?
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trevorholloway is not online. trevorholloway
Joined: 24 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 243
04 Apr 2013 06:30 PM
Pretty awesome story!
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Kittywuver is not online. Kittywuver
Joined: 14 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 105
06 Apr 2013 03:45 PM
I like this, But, How about making a movie of chapter one and posting it on you-tube? :3 And then one of everything other chapter! Who else would think that would be a nice idea. BTW, I truly do not like this, I LOVE IT! :3
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
06 Apr 2013 04:00 PM
Well, I'd have Dimenson make the movie. But alas,

if only he/she had a good video-recorder that records and cuts videos in HD quality.

-{ FEAR Officer Enzo C. Magnus }-
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
06 Apr 2013 04:03 PM
Once it is at the second page, I will post the next chapter. So show it to your friends and such!

-{ FEAR Officer Enzo C. Magnus }-
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Skuxxdeluxx519 is not online. Skuxxdeluxx519
Joined: 04 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 104
06 Apr 2013 04:10 PM
"A glorious twist to the tale brings the reader to the edge of their seat. I feel as though I must read on. A feel of adventure and a horrific sense. Nicely done, I shall await the next chapter."

[/:JartexReviews©:/]
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
06 Apr 2013 06:35 PM

Iroc started to inspect the person inside this machine. Large wires were attached to this person, and the only thing that sustained his life was an oxygen mask, though it did not give air, but tiny particles of unstable uranium, which could have potentially threatened countless lives had there not been a low temperature in the room.

"So the temperature was put here on purpose? Meaning, this person is SUPPOSED to be in here?" Animal said.

"I don't care whether or not this person is here on purpose. We HAVE to get him out of here! He is inhaling URANIUM!" Iroc ordered.

As he finished saying this, he took out his knife and started to stab the locked areas that would open the machine. The rest followed. About 3 minutes of relentless stabbing, the locked areas broke, and the whole machine opened up.

"I think we did something!" One of the Military Police said.

"Of course we did, you idiot." Snapped Animal.

The machine tilted a bit forward, and fully opened. The man inside woke up, and walked out. He was, oddly, wearing a full set of high ranks clothes, especially one of the Trench Coats Sonic would award to honored members of the F.E.A.R. Animal was the first to notice his odd resemblance to Sonic, and how he actually looked like a teen-version of Sonic.

"Sonic?" Animal said. As she said this, Iroc and the others noticed, too.

Iroc stood upright with utmost respect and said "Sonic!? How are you here?! If your here, who is out there?!"

The man didn't respond.

"Sonic?" Animal said.

The man had stared at the group, and muttered some words.

"What?" Iroc said, puzzled.

The man walked past the group, pushing Iroc aside.

"That wasn't Sonic..." Iroc muttered, and continued "Half of you follow him, you too Animal. The rest, go through the vents, NOW." Iroc shouted.

Everyone did as Iroc said. The ones following the unknown man stayed at a distance.


"Hello! This is Prime General Ace! I request someone, ANYONE to bring the plans for the building Sonic is being held at RIGHT NOW! What? WHAT DO YOU MEAN he is in the hospital? I DON'T CARE IF HE IS CONSTANTLY EXERTING DIARRHEA THROUGH HIS MOUTH! BRING IT NOW!" Ace shouted as loud as he could. He then stood by the door again, negotiating with the spy. In the corner of his eyes stood the unknown man, standing and watching just like Slenderman would. Ace noticed him and turned around.

"What? Who are you?!" He asked in an angry tone.

The man muttered some words.

"What?" Ace said.

The man walked towards the door, and pushed Ace to his left.

"What are you doing?!" Ace shouted.


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© 2013 FEAR Officer Harveer12121Alt All Rights Reserved
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Kittywuver is not online. Kittywuver
Joined: 14 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 105
06 Apr 2013 06:41 PM
I stop paying attention after several pages, but this one is very interesting, which I believe you have probably posted on the wall before on some other forum you had made because I remember a story exactly like this.
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
07 Apr 2013 06:54 AM
Aye, I had made one before.

But artists block caught up to me, and it also made me notice the errors I had made.

-{ FEAR Officer Enzo C. Magnus }-
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johnsnic333 is not online. johnsnic333
Joined: 23 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 2999
07 Apr 2013 07:22 AM
Lol, that was nasty.
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
07 Apr 2013 07:26 AM
*Wink

-{ FEAR Officer Enzo C. Magnus }-
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ultrakiller2100 is not online. ultrakiller2100
Joined: 27 May 2012
Total Posts: 17
07 Apr 2013 04:23 PM
Cool story bro.
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dimanic6688 is not online. dimanic6688
Joined: 01 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 56
07 Apr 2013 04:46 PM
Add me in!!! I want to be the saviour of Sonic!!!
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Kaijin16 is not online. Kaijin16
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 138
07 Apr 2013 05:08 PM
"I DON'T CARE IF HE IS CONSTANTLY EXERTING DIARRHEA THROUGH HIS MOUTH!"

...

Uggh.

Nice story, add me in if you can. :)
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
07 Apr 2013 05:12 PM
I'll add as many people as I can.

Primarily during the-

NO SPOILERS. OLOLK

-{ FEAR Officer Enzo C. Magnus }-
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Kaijin16 is not online. Kaijin16
Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 138
07 Apr 2013 05:21 PM
Kinda reminds me of the story I started a year or two ago. I only finished a few chapters, but I really enjoyed writing it. Maybe I'll start a new one sometime...
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Harveer12121Alt is not online. Harveer12121Alt
Joined: 16 Jun 2011
Total Posts: 1967
08 Apr 2013 05:00 PM
The Sonic lookalike moved his arm back, and punched the door. The punch looked so weak, yet broke the door and had it hit the spy on his back.

"THANK GOD! I thought I wou-" Sonic noticed the look alike's face and didn't say anything. He was speechless.

The look alike glared at Sonic for a few seconds, then pointed outside. Sonic ran out as Ace ran with him, calling for a helicopter.


The spy put up his gun, and pointed it at the lookalike. The lookalike didn't move.

The spy had made a warning shot. He still didn't move.

Finally, the spy pointed the gun at the lookalikes head, and pulled the trigger. The lookalike quickly bent back, grabbed the bullet, and crushed it to dust. Due to the intimidation, the spy pushed the lookalike aside, and started to run for the elevators. he quickly opened an elevator, pushed a random button going up, and the door shut on the lookalike, leaving him to punch the elevator door in anger. The lookalike quickly went for the stairs. The doors to the stairs were locked, and he had no other option but going out a window, and climbing up. After a few seconds, people crowded the tall building, shouting.

"HE'S INSANE!" One person in the crowd said.

"Wait, is that Sonic?!" Another person said.

The shouting grew louder as they though the person was Sonic. The lookalike quickly climbed from floor to floor with ease, until he reached the roof way before the spy did.

"Finally, out of this-" The spy was interrupted by a punch to the stomach, and another punch to the face.

"Who the heck are you?!" The spy cried.

The spy took many shots by the lookalike, until he could finally grab his gun, and shoot the lookalike three times.

The bullets flew right at the lookalike, and hit him. They all broke in half.

"What..." The spy stood silent in fear.

The lookalike jolted towards the spy, and choked him with his hands. He picked him up by his neck, and walked towards one of the edges of the building's roof, still having the spy dangling by his neck.

"Oh my! Look!" A person in the crowd said, pointing to the roof of the building. As the crowd grew even wilder, more military forces surrounded the building.

The spy grabbed the lookalike's arm and pulled himself onto the roof, and foolishly pushed the lookalike's arm, only to find himself being pulled by the lookalike. Both were falling from about 30-40 stories. The spy hit the ground first, leaving a mess to clean up, while the lookalike hit the ground. While all the dust faded away, the lookalike stood standing. Police surrounded him.

"You are under arrest." One of them said.


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© 2013 FEAR Officer Harveer12121Alt All Rights Reserved
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Doop99 is not online. Doop99
Joined: 19 May 2011
Total Posts: 937
08 Apr 2013 05:04 PM
Nice Story Har.
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jaybay1147 is not online. jaybay1147
Joined: 28 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 2188
08 Apr 2013 05:06 PM
Can I be in it pl0x?
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jaybay1147 is not online. jaybay1147
Joined: 28 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 2188
08 Apr 2013 05:07 PM
Posted like that because the "first post on the second page is in it for sure..."
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Kittywuver is not online. Kittywuver
Joined: 14 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 105
08 Apr 2013 05:08 PM
I love this! :D
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