Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:03 PM |
There a boy called Larry and he was in his room and he kept hearing screams from his mothers and fathers room
He coulden't open the door. He suddenly felt somthing was behind him , he turned around and a man holding a knife with no eyes,
The man stabbed larry to his death.
His father and mother Were called Peter and Lilly.
Peter went to do park to cry about larry.
then somone with no eyes and a knife sat next to him and stabbed him.
Lilly was worried about peter , she went to the park and saw peter's Dead body lying on the floor with blood.
Then she saw a crashed car in the distance.
She went to it and.....
Chapter 2 out Soon |
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Techmagss
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| Joined: 24 Jun 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2660 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:08 PM |
| 5.0 out of 10 needs more work and effort |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:09 PM |
Theres gonna be loads for Chapter 2
This is like well the start
theres gonna be more dont worry |
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gwebster2
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| Joined: 29 Aug 2010 |
| Total Posts: 5671 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:17 PM |
| Is this supposed to be scary? |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:18 PM |
| True story adds more like shock but i dont know if it will ( dumb me -_- ) |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:18 PM |
"True story"
Good god this is awful. |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:18 PM |
| im not very good at scary stories |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:19 PM |
| Saying it's a true story and making it dumb and ridiculous is kind of killing the point. |
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Riku1257
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| Joined: 15 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10066 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:19 PM |
| If the story isn't true, why did you say it was? |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:20 PM |
i dont know
im not good at Shocking people i guess i made it too unreal
But theres a creepy pasta called Eyeless Jack |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:22 PM |
"but there's a creepy pasta called eyeless jack"
Aaaand? |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:23 PM |
| i tried making the story based on him |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:24 PM |
| Sadly, you cant write for crap. |
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Riku1257
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| Joined: 15 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10066 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:25 PM |
| And Eyeless Jack doesn't use knives. |
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Xsamurai
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 125 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:26 PM |
Atleast im trying!
If you dont like it then dont post anything!
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:27 PM |
If I dont like it I can post if I want to Your little morals and "dont be mean, u is bulleh" propaganda doesn't effect me. |
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lon3rx
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| Joined: 26 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 2774 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:27 PM |
DUHRP. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It's not simply a punch, I was just stretching my elbows, It's called working out." |
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Riku1257
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| Joined: 15 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10066 |
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| 16 Mar 2013 02:41 PM |
Atleast im trying!
im trying!
trying!
Oh my sides. |
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gwebster2
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| Joined: 29 Aug 2010 |
| Total Posts: 5671 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:14 PM |
What do you mean "TRYING"? You put 0 effort into this! I've written stories before and posted them on here, so don't give the people who've written RPs and stories that "Why don't YOU try making a story!!11!" bullcrap. |
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| 17 Mar 2013 06:17 PM |
Bebi, go away.
You too, Bebi followers. |
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| 17 Mar 2013 06:23 PM |
This was horrible. You have potential though; try to practice a bit with undertone; which is kind of like making a point without saying it bluntly.
í αm prícєlєss, вut í αm wíllíng tσ вαrgαín |
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Graulas
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| Joined: 26 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 8634 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 06:47 PM |
I absolutely hate the "criticism" on this thread.
How would you feel if someone discouraged you like this years ago? You should encourage him to continue writing! This sort of behavior should be far above you, Be. |
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| 17 Mar 2013 07:01 PM |
Was that referred to me also? :l
í αm prícєlєss, вut í αm wíllíng tσ вαrgαín |
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