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| 19 Jan 2013 10:29 AM |
My first story don't tease D:< :3.
Chapter 1: Commence! It was a early morning, John Cobras was preparing for the biggest invasion of their lives. The biggest invasion in roblox history, they were preparing for the invasion to start. John gazed at the walls, looking for servers that needed backup. When he refreshed his page, and saw over 500 posts calling backup. " Good... Good... Lord... " John said. Thepiewarrior walked up to John. " The invasion has begun, shall we start defending? " he asked, in a deep voice. Thepiewarrior could see that John was burning up in fright inside, he had no idea what to do. " Over 800 men are at Fang... " John said, in a choking voice. He looked at the clock. " 30 wins.... and only 24 hours left... " John said in depression, " How could we possibly win, servers that need backup are being full faster then you can say HAIL COBRAS. " Thepiewarrior looked at John strangely. John was nervous. He was sweating and coughing. The invasion has commenced. John could see that TRA already filled up 10 servers and more. RAT was on their way, and so was 10 other clans. GSC finally started their invasion.... " History..... Has.... Begun.... " John said and then closed his eyes.
[[ END ]]
Chapter 2: COMING SOON :D.
Feedback please. |
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Eraticus
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| Joined: 25 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 12615 |
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| 19 Jan 2013 10:30 AM |
| Paragraphs, spacing. Please? |
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| 19 Jan 2013 10:31 AM |
| Can you do a chapter about john denying his loss? |
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| 19 Jan 2013 10:31 AM |
| TRA! TRA! TRA! TRA! TRA! TRA! TRA! TRA! |
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| 19 Jan 2013 10:32 AM |
| seems legit..off to raid them now :3 |
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pwnox8
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| Joined: 28 Jun 2009 |
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Cermain
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| Joined: 12 Dec 2012 |
| Total Posts: 478 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:27 PM |
| Meh. The story is too to the point. Maybe make it more theatrical. |
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Sleeting
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| Joined: 10 Mar 2013 |
| Total Posts: 777 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:28 PM |
Apart from the fact it is made to slander John, I like it :D
~N!NJA~ |
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hydrodash
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| Joined: 01 Oct 2010 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:28 PM |
| All you're going to do is copy what happened on the invasion and then add what you heard. |
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momo113
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| Joined: 30 Mar 2010 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:29 PM |
| That was one touching story :'). |
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Sleeting
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| Joined: 10 Mar 2013 |
| Total Posts: 777 |
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| 17 Mar 2013 04:29 PM |
MAWGAWD
HOW CAN YOU PREDICT THE FUTURE?! |
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