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Re: The Life of Thomas Preston. (UPDATED)

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PerfectMintyWarrior is not online. PerfectMintyWarrior
Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 80
07 Mar 2013 06:31 PM
HAPTER ONE: CHILDHOOD One day, in Elbert House, a baby was born in Elbert, the King named him, Thomas. Prince Thomas XVI of [GB] Great Britain. The King, already had a son named James. The two boys were 6 years apart. Once Prince Thomas was 14, there was a third and final son. His, name, was George. The three boys sometimes got into arguements but were a great team in battle. One day, their allies, the Romans and the Mexicans got into a war. Then, the remaining parliament members in Great Britain decided to remain neutral.....

CHAPTER TWO: HOW IT STARTED After they decided to remain neutral, terrible things happened, because support from Mexico and Rome was delayed, the British had to battle the French themselves, however, this, will be known as the Battle of the New King. Once Thomas and his men reached the outer walls, James and George's men were climbing on the walls until a bomb struck and injured James. The rest kept going, however, the King and his men helped James and also went forward though Thomas and his men have lost nearly half of their platoon. Then, things got bad. The Romans came for support but the Mexicans attacked the British as well as the Romans which started yet another war.....

CHAPTER THREE: HOW IT ENDED Sense the majority of men in the British Army were Mexican including many HRs and Royal Guards, it also lead to a Civil War. The British then asked the Americans for help, they sent asassians to hunt down Mexican spies. However, once they found them, it was too late, they attacked the palace and the guards by it. There were explosions in the palace. Also, Prince Thomas was only 24 and yet he had sons who died in there. His father however, didn't die, but was not seen until the new Empire was built 3 years later. The attack also caused the fall of GB, however, everybody in it either helped build the new empire with Thomas, or built another one... with James.....

CHAPTER FOUR: A NEW EMPIRE Just within months, Thomas and his remaining supporters had built a new empire named Empire of the Great British Isles. Also, once Thomas went to France in a castle but got into many fights, although he fell in love. Once they married the beautiful woman he fell in love with was now Queen Caroline Preston. However, the rest was just recruiting was yet successful then not successful, as in, people joined, then left. But, Later on, each Royal was given a district which allowed them to rule cities that stretch as far as the ground goes on that -(server). The palace was also built back together, it also had a city in front of it that is soon to be become a district.

CHAPTER FIVE: During his accomplishment of making the ''District System'', he also became the Empress of Navarra Empire's adoptive son. Later, she passed away. The Navarrian crown was given to her sister's husband, Emperor César Martinez de Queirós. However, later on, he came back in touch with Rome. But it appeared the leader had left it and somebody else was incharge of it. Both sides considered war but EoGBI thought not to first and convinced Rome not to.

CHAPTER SIX: ~Coming Soon~
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PlutonianShore is not online. PlutonianShore
Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 2204
07 Mar 2013 06:36 PM
he Romans and the Mexicans got into a war.
-----------------------------------------------------------
What?...

Sense the majority of men in the British Army were Mexican including many HRs and Royal Guards, it also lead to a Civil War.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Why?...

Emperor César Martinez de Queirós.
--------------------------------------------------
Quierós is sooooo not a Hispanic surname.

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PerfectMintyWarrior is not online. PerfectMintyWarrior
Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 80
07 Mar 2013 06:39 PM
^ Noob above
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SP2398salt is not online. SP2398salt
Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 11130
07 Mar 2013 06:42 PM
Tallyho, fellows! Some chap who can't take any criticism, I do say!
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PlutonianShore is not online. PlutonianShore
Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 2204
07 Mar 2013 06:43 PM
Now that's a patethic effort. Come on, your insult repertoire can't be that short.
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PerfectMintyWarrior is not online. PerfectMintyWarrior
Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 80
07 Mar 2013 06:44 PM
Plut, you are obviously an ALT of somebody who doesn't want to be seen doing these things.
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
07 Mar 2013 06:46 PM
Perfect, stop being another arrogant guy and start accepting criticism openly.

- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
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PlutonianShore is not online. PlutonianShore
Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 2204
07 Mar 2013 06:47 PM
Plut, you are obviously an ALT of somebody who doesn't want to be seen doing these things.
--------------------
No, this is the main. Ernasou is the alternative. I don't want to spend useful money in rubbish like virtual hairstyles.
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Mamba93 is not online. Mamba93
Joined: 22 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 73
07 Mar 2013 07:17 PM
HAPTER ONE: CHILDHOOD One day, in Elbert House, a baby was born in Elbert,

That makes no sense at all...

the King named him, Thomas. Prince Thomas XVI of [GB] Great Britain. The King, already had a son named James.

Quit putting random commas.

The two boys were 6 years apart. Once Prince Thomas was 14, there was a third and final son. His, name, was

Again with the commas!

George. The three boys sometimes got into arguements but were a great team in battle. One day, their allies, the Romans and the Mexicans got into a war.

So lemme get this straight. Two allies of Britain start fighting each other. Right?

Then, the remaining parliament members in Great Britain decided to remain neutral.....

Huzzah, we have nothing to do with this war. Right?

CHAPTER TWO: HOW IT STARTED After they decided to remain neutral, terrible things happened, because support from Mexico and Rome was delayed, the British had to battle the French themselves,

You never mentioned any opponent. Are we mindlessly murdering French people?

however, this, will be known as the Battle of the New King.

COMMAS! AGAIN!

Once Thomas and his men reached the outer walls, James and George's men were climbing on the walls until a bomb struck and injured James.

Good enough.

The rest kept going, however, the King and his men helped James and also went forward though Thomas and his men have lost nearly half of their platoon.

Run on sentence, and how do you help an injured man climb a wall?

Then, things got bad. The Romans came for support but the Mexicans attacked the British as well as the Romans which started yet another war.....

Run on sentence, and also, I'm lost.

CHAPTER THREE: HOW IT ENDED Sense

*since

the majority of men in the British Army were Mexican including many HRs and Royal Guards, it also lead to a Civil War. The British then asked the Americans for help, they sent asassians to hunt down Mexican spies. However, once they found them, it was too late, they attacked the palace and the guards by it. There were explosions in the palace. Also, Prince Thomas was only 24 and yet he had sons who died in there.

Do we need to know that? Also, you could have told us he had sons BEFORE he died?

His father however, didn't die, but was not seen until the new Empire was built 3 years later. The attack also caused the fall of GB, however, everybody in it either helped build the new empire with Thomas, or built another one... with James.....

Just two more chapters... Come on man, you can do this.

CHAPTER FOUR: A NEW EMPIRE Just within months,

*Within months,

Thomas and his remaining supporters had built a new empire named Empire of the Great British Isles. Also, once Thomas went to France in a castle but got into many fights, although he fell in love. Once they married the beautiful woman he fell in love with was now Queen Caroline Preston.

So, they have mobile castles now? I suppose he got into a fight because he parked in a no castle zone, then?

However, the rest was just recruiting was yet successful then not successful, as in, people joined, then left.

What?

But, Later on, each Royal

What's a Royal?

was given a district which allowed them to rule cities that stretch as far as the ground goes on that -(server).

What?

The palace was also built back together, it also had a city in front of it that is soon to be become a district.

A few grammatical errors there.

CHAPTER FIVE: During his accomplishment of making the ''District System'', he also became the Empress of Navarra

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Empire's adoptive son. Later, she passed away.

1. What's Navarra? 2. Who's who in this profoundly dumb sentence?

The Navarrian crown was given to her sister's husband, Emperor César Martinez de Queirós.

Who's "her"?

However, later on, he came back in touch with Rome. But it appeared the leader had left it and somebody else was incharge of it. Both sides considered war but EoGBI

EoGBI? What is that?

thought not to first and convinced Rome not to.

CHAPTER SIX: ~Coming Soon~

Thomas was rarely mentioned in Chapters 1 to 5...

The end.
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