qwer453
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| Joined: 13 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1374 |
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| 04 Mar 2013 06:41 PM |
| When I was born I was born with a broken tailbone and they said I would die in less than 3 days so they replaced my tailbone with a fox tail. And when they took me home I was a only child and now since the year have passed the time had come to put me in school I did not like school so I was homeschooled for about 9 years and now my mom recommended that I should try to go to a public school. |
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Quotebot
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| Joined: 28 Mar 2012 |
| Total Posts: 1854 |
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| 04 Mar 2013 09:14 PM |
I like it but... It is a little short, do you not think?
Here is the prologue of my book, this is about a good ammount for a prologue:http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=90970823
Otherwise... I LOVE IT! Just, no where long enough. |
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Veratia
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| Joined: 20 Feb 2013 |
| Total Posts: 444 |
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| 04 Mar 2013 09:55 PM |
| It is pretty short, but good. |
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| 04 Mar 2013 10:02 PM |
| You have some pretty heavy run on sentences. It's also rather short. |
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| 04 Mar 2013 10:53 PM |
Incredibly short and heavy on the run-on sentences. Here's something you might try.
When my existence reached this world, it was certainly a disfigured one. I came out wrong and my tailbone had broken. Just snapped in two. The doctors took tests, X-rays, the usual. Their results were that I was going to die in three days, take it or leave it. My mother was devastated. I pobably would be too if I had an IQ of more that 1. My future was an odd one. My tailbone was actually replaced with a foxtail. They might have run out of tailbones or had nobody willing or some other stupid excuse, but I guess because of it, I'm now 1/4 fox. When they had taken me home, I was a small child with a fox tail. My IQ grew normally, my body did too. I don't know about my foxtail, but I was just a normal kid. I grew and grew and then it was time for school. Kindergarden, with a fox tail. And you thought that guy who nobody could undrstand was wierd. But I hated it. The kids didn't like me, nor my tail. I don't think I liked them, either. It was a battle. Halfway through the year, I demanded I get homeschooled. 9 years. Nine years, I've been homeschooled. Online school. Not half bad. Half. Exactly that, described homeschool. It only took half of reular time. Pretty cool. And then, my mom did the worst possible thing that I had feared for nine years in a row. I'd have thought she cared, knew how I felt about regular school, regular people, regular teachers. Ugh. But no, my mom went above and beyond. She requested that I go to public school.
Now see, that is much better because not only does it have more detail and info, it's more entertaining. If you do not like writing like this, that's okay, but please try to make your prologues longer. |
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Danuivus
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2013 |
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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qwer453
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| Joined: 13 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1374 |
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| 05 Mar 2013 07:11 AM |
| ’m not one of those girls who wake up on the first day of school and is perky I’m like the one who can sit at home and eat potato chips all day long. But my mom came up to my room and yells FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!! And I think I went deaf. You got to get ready Holly today is a big big day. So I got dress but I did not wear my normal close I had to wear a dress code so I put on a polo shirt and khakis pants and I had to tuck my shirt in so I did not want anyone to know that I have a tail. So I tuck my tail in as well. And I came down stairs and ate my rice crisps. Did dad left I said? Yes he left about 1 hour ago. For the next 10 minutes I brushed my teeth and brush my hair goes to the bathroom and then I had to walk to my bus stop. About 5 minutes later I saw my bus. It pulled up to me and stopped. Then I got on the bus and try to find a place to sit all the front seats were taken so I sat in the back. No one talked neither did I. so for the next 45 minutes I waited to get off the bus. But just to make the time pass by I just thought to myself thinking about what going to happen I hope I make friends I never had friends I muttered to myself. A kid that sit right next to me look at me in confusion then looked away. Then I looked out the window and I saw that where pulling into the bus ramp. And as the door opens it was madness every kid trying to get off the bus so what happened to single file lines. So I’m the last person to get off the bus. |
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Danuivus
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2013 |
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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Danuivus
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qwer453
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| Joined: 13 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1374 |
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| 05 Mar 2013 08:54 PM |
| My first class is math so look like I’m walking I said to myself so while I was walking I saw some cool things like posters, trophies, student of the month, and other stuff but kids but then I see this amazing artwork and it look so real. But I knew I had to keep going but next thing I know everyone gone and then I hear a bell so I know that I’m later so I run down the hallway and into my class. The last time I was in a classroom was pre-school. I ask my teacher where I sit .Anywhere he said. So I pick a seat next to 3 kids they were talking to each other. Then the teacher Mr. Prigle told us that we will be going over...... I looked over to the kids at my table and they were talking about people behind their back and laughing about it. So I said without thinking you should not be doing that then I stop talking and one of the girls looked at me for a couple of second at me so I avoided eye contact with them then I started thinking to myself. Ok holly this is not how you make friends just be cool. I watch TV and this is where someone says something like hey gals what up. But I said nothing. So next thing I know the bell rang so I guess it off to another class. So I made sure I was on time not looking at projects. So I had to go to reading class. And when I got my stuff out the bell rang so I knew I was not late. And my reading teachers Mrs. Yen told us to take out an AR book for 30 minutes and read. I reached into my backpack and I found a book I was reading when I was homeschooled the title read Bridge to terabithia. So I began reading. I pause for a moment thinking if I will meet any friends so I looked at Mrs. Yen she was on the computer doing something. So I saw some kids talking and I join in with them. Hi there, I said they look at me for a moment and look puzzled. May I help you? She said I had to make a fast one so I said no I’m good. The group of girl turned around. I raised my hand to go to the bathroom and the teacher told me I could so I took the hall pass and walk to the girl’s bathroom. I saw more projects then I saw the bathroom so I went in one of the stalls not to go to the restroom because I don’t like having a uniform so I pull my tail out and I untucked my shirt and happiness filled me somehow then my heart stopped there was another person in here. Then I notice who it was it was that girl from reading class I almost fainted but automaticity I tucked my shirt in and hid my tail so no one could see it. They I listen to what they were saying and what they said were shocking. |
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nieshya
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| Joined: 29 Feb 2008 |
| Total Posts: 680 |
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| 06 Mar 2013 02:23 AM |
| please no |
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nieshya
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| Joined: 29 Feb 2008 |
| Total Posts: 680 |
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| 06 Mar 2013 02:35 AM |
| no |
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nieshya
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| Joined: 29 Feb 2008 |
| Total Posts: 680 |
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| 06 Mar 2013 03:12 AM |
| noob |
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