Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:24 PM |
(This is a Metroid format) 4 years after the crisis on Tallon IV. A bounty hunter hired by the Galatic Federation named Doop whom hails from the Icy planet of Alsuis of the Venezian galaxy. Doop was sent to Tallon IV to make sure that ALL space pirates were dead. Doop was equipped with a Suit like Samus Aran's Varia Suit but with different weapon systems. After the bounty hunter lands he notices something. Doop says "Hm? What was that?" He just shrugged it off. He kept walking until he noticed the ruins of Tallon IV. Phazon was everywhere. Doop says " Why is there Phazon everywhere?" He see's that almost everything was destroyed. Except for one thing..... (To be continued...) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:50 PM |
| The structure is kind of messed up, but it's a good Prologue. Just remember that chapters should have more detail. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
diuto717
|
  |
| Joined: 27 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 3826 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:50 PM |
| I don't know where to start. Ummmm, may I be in it? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:51 PM |
| Diuto in the later chapters k? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
beebart12
|
  |
| Joined: 01 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 987 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:52 PM |
| Well. Good, but I can't say I much like the present tense vibe. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:52 PM |
| Needs more detail like Flaminwolf said. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 01:54 PM |
| Hi pure. @FLamin and TLG oh it will have more details when it gets even further in the chapters as more things become intense. :) George it's not supposed to be Present tense. :u It takes place after the events of the Metroid Prime Trilogy. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
RileyYG
|
  |
| Joined: 22 Feb 2013 |
| Total Posts: 646 |
|
| |
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:07 PM |
| The one thing that was still standing was none other then the Entrance to the hottest place on Tallon IV. Magmoor Caverns. But something was off about it. When Doop entered He didn't see lava but instead Phazon. Doop says "What the? Why is phazon here?" Then he notices a weird monster like thing that is pouring out Phazon. Doop says "Wait a minute..... Isn't that Kraid????? What is Kraid Doing in Magmoor Caverns? Especially pouring out phazon....." That was surely Kraid but the thing Doop didn't notice is that Kraid was only created as a distraction for him. Then Doop notices the ground is shaking violently. Out of the groun appears a Dark portal to another dimension........ Then out of nowhere a voice says "Escape is impossible. The only way out is to enter the portal." Doop replies "What if i don't?" The voice says "The phazon will corrupt you and eventually it will be your death." Doop says "Alright......" Doop enters the portal but does not even expect what is in the other dimension...........) (To Be continued....) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
tahi
|
  |
| Joined: 28 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 499 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:08 PM |
| Let me guess, it's a fake story with Sonic's fake FEAR? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:08 PM |
| Tahi. Not even close with that guess. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:30 PM |
| As soon as Doop goes through the portal he see's himself still in Magmoor Caverns. Doop says"HEY THIS ONLY TOOK ME BACK TO WHERE I JUST FREAKING ENTERED!!!!" The Mysterious voice replies "No. It took you to DARK Magmoor Caverns." Doop says "Dark Magmoor Caverns? Weird." Then out of nowhere a warrior Ing appears. Doop blasts it with his Nova beam. Doop says "What the hell was that? The Mysterious Voice says "That was a Warrior Ing. They are the warriors of the Dark world." Doop says "Besides you never even told me your name." The Mysterious voice says "My name is U-Mos." Doop replies "Alright." Then more Warrior Ing Appear. Doop says "Oh wow. MORE ing for me to destroy." Doop keeps firing his nova beam. He notices it does nothing to the Warrior ing anymore. He switches to the plasma beam and says "I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL WITH FIRE!!!!!" But in the end it does nothing. He says "..... Why aren't my beams working....." But then he thinks of something. He says "Power bombs!" He turns into morphball and lays down a power bomb destroying all of the warrior ing. "Heh. Powerbombs always work." (On the Galatic Federation ship Olympus) Lovearacut says "Sir. I've lost all Transmission with Doop." The Galatic Federation commander says "Damn it. We need Samus Aran to help us now......" (To be continued |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:33 PM |
| I will naca. And This is supposed to be chapter 2. Not chapter 3. :U |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 02:57 PM |
| As Doop finishes off the remaining Warrior Ings U-Mos says "Doop. You must find the Light beam to leave the dark world. If you don't you will be stuck here forever. Unable to escape. A portal to the light world comes out of the ground. Doop replies "Alright." As Doop leaves Dark Magmoor Caverns he notices that the Dark Tallon IV isn't in ruins. Doop says "What the? The Dark Tallon IV isn't in ruins like the light one is...." Doop notices a weird ball of light heading towards him. He jumps out of the way in time so he doesn't get hit. He notices it is a Warrior Ing that has the light beam. The amtmosphere of the Dark world makes the arm cannon act weird and Doop notices that the Arm cannon has got a rainbowish tint to it. He says "Hmm.. I wonder what this does." The Arm cannon shoots out a rainbow colored beam. U-Mos says "Ah! The arm cannon has configured to use te Hyper beam when extremely needed!" Doop destroys the Warrior ing that has the Light beam. The warrior ing explodes and drops the light beam. Doop says "Weird..." as he collects the light beam. Since Doop has the light beam he can finally return to the light world and so he does. He goes back to Dark Magmoor Caverns to return to the light world. But he notices the portal to the Light Magmoor Caverns is missing. Doop says "Hey where's the portal to the light world?" Then he hears a roar. He see's Kraid. Kraid roars. Doop says "Oh this is going to be EXTREMELY fun for me." as he switches to the Wave beam. (To be continued.........) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 03:45 PM |
| On the GF Ship Olympus Loveara says "I'm going to look for Doop." Then the GF commander says "No. It's to dangerous. I'll go." Loveara gets mad and Storms off. She Disobeys the commanders order and takes a ship out to find Doop herslf. Loveara has no clue of where Doop is though. So her Journey is going to be tough... She notices Doop's Ship (The battleship Halberd) Landed on the Chozoian planet Tallon IV. So She decides to land there. She goes through the ruins of Tallon IV. She does not notice the entrance to Magmoor Caverns or the phazon. She goes towards the Chozo Ruins.... (To be continued....) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:02 PM |
| As Loveara enters the Chozo Ruins she gets surrouned by Warrior Ing. As she is about to attack a voice said "Hey you freaks. Let her go." And the voice was the voice of Doop! He managed to Destroy Kraid in the dark realm and Get to the Chozo Ruins. Doop goes flying down and destroys all of the warrior ing with one strike of his plasma beam shot. Doop says "You alright?" Loveara replies "Yeah." Doop says "Come on. We gotta go. We have to find out what the hell is making all of this phazon." Loveara asks "What is phazon?" Doop answers "Phazon is a blue liquid that is EXTREMELY dangerous. It corrupts who ever touches it. I'd advise to stay away from it." Loveara repsonds with "Ok." As Loveara and Doop are walking through the Chozo Ruins Doop notices something. Doop says "Are you serious......" Loveara Asks "What?" Doop see's something out of the ordinary.......... (To be continued....) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
beebart12
|
  |
| Joined: 01 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 987 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:08 PM |
| Wow. Where be me, the bee? Hehehe. Oh he, you need me, see? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:09 PM |
| Heh. I'll not forget to add you. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Doop99
|
  |
| Joined: 19 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 937 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:15 PM |
| Doop and Loveara see beebart, Diuto, and Naca (all GF soldiers) Lying on the ground wounded. Doop asks "What happened to you three?" Bee says "You two need to get off of this planet now." Diuto says "You don't want to end up like us do you?" Naca says "Leave while you can....." Doop and Loveara knod. They both leave Tallon IV. Doop looks back and See's Tallon IV get ingulfed in a white ball and explode. Doop says "Good thing we got off of Tallon IV before we ended up dying." Loveara says "Yeah." And Doop and Loveara return to the GF Flagship Olympus for further orders. (To be continued......) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
georgek22
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Aug 2010 |
| Total Posts: 560 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:15 PM |
| What about betterthanbeebart12 georgek22s part? :o |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Allocated
|
  |
| Joined: 25 Sep 2010 |
| Total Posts: 26321 |
|
|
| 24 Feb 2013 04:16 PM |
I can't even read it.
Please indent, paragraph, etc.
shark tooth terry ~ Add 521 to my post count |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|