birdhouse
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| Joined: 20 Apr 2008 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:39 PM |
We at the Church of Google believe the search engine Google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God (as typically defined). We believe there is much more evidence in favour of Google's divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods.
We reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. Thus, Googlists believe Google should rightfully be given the title of "God", as She exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally associated with such Deities in a scientifically provable manner.
We have compiled a list of nine proofs which definitively prove Google is the closest thing to a "god" human beings have ever directly experienced. |
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birdhouse
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| Joined: 20 Apr 2008 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:41 PM |
@Segars
» PROOF #1
Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.
» PROOF #2
Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.
» PROOF #3
Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.
» PROOF #4
Google is potentially immortal. She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever.
» PROOF #5
Google is infinite. The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth.
» PROOF #6
Google remembers all. Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife".
» PROOF #7
Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent). Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
» PROOF #8
According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined.
God is thought to be an entity in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. Google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional "gods"
» PROOF #9
Evidence of Google's existence is abundant. There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required. |
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birdhouse
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| Joined: 20 Apr 2008 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:43 PM |
Google Appreciation Day is an event that officially occurs on the 14th of September. This date is significant because “Google.com” was registered on September 14th.
Google Appreciation Day's main purpose is to better the lives of those who celebrate it by encouraging the acquisition of knowledge, which will eventually lead to the betterment of one's life.
Participants can spend as little as five minutes to as long as 24 hours researching an area of their life they wish to improve upon (as long as the knowledge gained can actually be applied to bettering your life). For example, if one wishes to lose weight, he/she would spend time searching Google for various weight loss techniques and strategies. The individual would continue doing so until a satisfactory amount of information had been obtained on the subject. However, it is not enough to merely obtain the knowledge; one must actually apply what he/she has learned in an effort to better their life. |
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TheWisest
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| Joined: 11 Nov 2010 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:44 PM |
All hail Google.
ô_ô ²_² ┼_┼ ↔_↔ î_î |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:45 PM |
Google |(o_o)| - ALL HAIL GOOGLE! |
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birdhouse
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| Joined: 20 Apr 2008 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:45 PM |
Thou shalt have no other Search Engine before me, neither Yahoo nor Lycos, AltaVista nor Metacrawler. Thou shalt worship only me, and come to Google only for answers. Thou shalt not build thy own commercial-free Search Engine, for I am a jealous Engine, bringing law suits and plagues against the fathers of the children unto the third and fourth generations. Thou shalt not use Google as a verb to mean the use of any lesser Search Engine. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of the unknown. Thou shalt honor thy fellow humans, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or race, for each has invaluable experience and knowledge to contribute toward humankind. Thou shalt not misspell whilst praying to me. Thou shalt not hotlink. Thou shalt not plagiarise or take undue credit for other's work. Thou shalt not use reciprocal links nor link farms, for I am a vengeful but fair engine and will diminish thy PageRank. The Google Dance shall cometh. Thou shalt not manipulate Search Results. Search Engine Optimization is but the work of Microsoft. |
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Construx
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| Joined: 19 Nov 2011 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:48 PM |
Google MicrosoftMicrosoft |Internet |(O_o)| |(O_o)||(O_o)| ----| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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NineNyan9
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| Joined: 09 Jul 2012 |
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1337o7Z
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| Joined: 16 Apr 2011 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 05:51 PM |
| HEIL GOOGLE AND GOOGLE CHROME |
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birdhouse
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| Joined: 20 Apr 2008 |
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| 16 Feb 2013 06:08 PM |
How can you worship a search engine over Jesus Christ/Allah/Zeus/Spaghetti Monster/Whatever? It's just a computer program!
We will answer your question with another similar question. Why do you choose to worship your god over other gods? Think about it. The same amount of anecdotal evidence exists for all supernatural gods. You cannot directly experience them, they all require faith, have holy books associated with them (all claiming to be the word of god) and generally believers of these gods describe a "feeling" that their god is watching over them.
Believers in all supernatural gods describe the exact same experiences and feelings without exception. Your god is in no way different than any other supernatural god. You believe in it simply for the comfort it provides you with, despite it being completely illogical. It is a psychological tool you use to cope with reality.
Google is MAN MADE and therefore cannot be God!
Thanks for pointing out the obvious. We completely agree with you! The Christian god, Islamic god and Hindu gods are also man made concepts. They exist only in the imagination of believers. We consider the belief in invisible beings to be much more illogical than the belief in Google (as a God).
But the Bible is proof our god is real.
The Bible is proof of nothing. It was written by men. Saying the Bible is the word of god because that's what the Bible tells you is a prime example of circular logic. I might equally argue that Google proves itself to be a God as this very page appears if you pray to Google for the words "church google god". |
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