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Re: WIJ Trilogy: Book 1 Chapter 1: Drones of War

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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 06:41 PM
WIJ Trilogy:

Book 1: Always and Forever WIJ

Chapter 1: Drones of War
Act 1: Smoke and Blood

Colonel Ant woke with a scream boiling in his lungs. The smell of burnt flesh fills his nose. Pieces of his flesh rip from his cheek as he fell to the ground. Sergeant Blue turns around to see Ant lying on the ground in agony. Blue rushes over and turns Ant on his back. “Sir what happened?” Blue asked. Ant could barely make a sound because the pain was too great. Blue moves Ant’s hand which was cover his cheek to see the horrific wound.

Sergeant Iron rushes over dodging plasma shots coming from enemy troops in the distance. “Blue what happened?” Iron asked. Blue places Ant’s hand back over Ant’s face. “Ant took a round to the face.” Blue responded. Iron looks to see the wound. Iron takes out his MediGel capsule and applied it to Ant’s cheek. “This should keep him stable for now but we need to him to a Medical base fast.” Iron said.

Blue looks over rock and rubble to see shades of dark figures closing towards their position through the smoke and fire. These soldiers’ mechanical eyes were blood red. They had no emotions or mercy for any living thing; that is how WIJ built them. A horrid echo boomed across the battlefield. A giant machine eighty stories tall rolled across the battlefield. Thousands of mechanical arms pick up dead WIJ soldiers placing them inside its storage unit. The Machine was known as a collector. They roll over battlefield collecting dead or wounded soldiers who will be transformed into another lifeless drone.
Blue looks down towards Iron. “Damn, we need to get out of here quick!” Blue shouted as he slides down the rubble towards Ant and Iron. Iron looks up to see WIJ soldiers retreating in the thousands. “What is going on, why are we retreating?” Iron asked. Blue picks Colonel Ant carrying him on his shoulder. “Those damn things brought in collectors. This battle is lost.” Blue said as he runs towards the drop ships. “What is so bad about Collectors? They have barely any defenses. We can take them out with ease.” Iron shouted as he picks up his rifle. Blue stops and turns towards Iron who we getting ready to run towards the enemy. “It’s not the collectors that are the problem. It’s what comes after them that is.” Blue runs towards the drop ship. Iron takes a second and follows behind Blue.
Iron runs dodging plasma shots coming from behind. Iron tries his best not to trip over the dead bodies of WIJ soldiers. A soldier in front of Iron is shot in in the back by a plasma round. He screams in agony causing Iron to stop. Iron turns around and grabs hold of the soldier. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Iron said. Soon Irons face was covered in blood as the Soldier’s face was torn apart by a Sniper Round. Iron wipes his face and begins to run back towards the drop ship.


Thousands of WIJ soldiers make their way towards their designated pick up point. Drones were quick to catch and kill the ones who were too slow to keep up. The drones were efficient at close quarters combat as they were at range. These drones were brutal as the ripped WIJ soldiers apart with their massive mechanical strength. The drones were getting closer and closer to the pickup zones. A drop ship engine begins to roar as it gets ready to take off. A few soldiers manage to make their way inside right before it took off. Soon more drop ships followed taking off whether WIJ were onboard or not. Iron makes his way towards his battalion’s pickup point.

The pickup point was located in a giant crater around thirty miles in radius. Smoke from explosions and plasma round obscures vision in the crater. Iron looks down to see Blue still carrying Colonel Ant. Blue struggles to keep his balance as he ran down the steep wall of the crater. The loose rocks and holes in the ground did not make it any easier for him. After dodging explosions and plasma rounds, Iron and Blue manage to make their way towards the Drop Ships.

Blue quickly lays Ant on the floor making sure he was stable. “Iron, get your ass in here now!” Blue shouted. Iron jumps up into the drop ship closing bullet barrier behind them. Iron turns towards the pilot. “What the hell are you doing, we need to get out of here now!” Iron yelled. The pilot struggles to get the controls working. “I can’t something is hacking the controls. Blue looks over the shield barrier to see the drones closing in. “Damn, if we don’t do something we are screwed!” Sergeant Kung gets up from his seat and looks over the shield barrier. The drones begin to move quicker as they closed in on the Battalion’s position. “Look over there!” Kung pointed. A drone looked much different than the rest. It was taller and had one blue optical eye. The drones surround that one drone as if it was the leader.

“I think that drone with the blue eye is hacking our controls.” Kung guessed. Blue looks out the drop ship to see a SUF lying on a dead WIJ soldier. The SUF was covered in blood and guts. Blue shook his head and hopped out to grab the SUF. The SUF was entangled in the Soldier’s intestines but Blue did not care. Blue rips the SUF from the dead soldier quickly cleaning it off. Blue looks through the scope to see the Blue eyed drone. Blue placed his cross hairs over the head of the drone and took the shot.

The plasma rounds flies through the air at great speed moving through smoke and fire. Soon it made contact with the drone’s head. The drone is ripped to shreds as the SUF round pierces through. “YES, everything is working again.” The pilot cheered. Blue drops the SUF and runs back to the Drop ship. Blue hops into the drop ship closing the shield barrier behind him. “Alright let’s get the hell out of here.”
Iron looks over the shield barrier to see the drone’s eyes glowing brighter. They begin to rush towards the pickup zone with great speed.


Iron was amazed to see how they reacted. A drop ship begins to take off. The roar of the engine as it burst into the air with great speed. A drone quickly reacted and jumps up landing on the Drop ship’swindow. “WHAT THE HELL?!” The pilot yelled. The drone raises its left arm and smashes it through the window right into the pilot chest. The Drone throws the pilot out the window causing the drop ship to fall to the ground. The explosion was loud and nothing was left but fire and debris. The Drone that took down the drop ship arose from the fire and begins to charge with the rest of the drones.
Some WIJ soldiers got out their drop ships to give the pilots time to launch. The sounds of Mechanical movement and the rubbles of Collectors soon turned to screams and plasma fire. The drones were quick and agile making it hard for WIJ to hit them. WIJ soldiers were getting slaughter as the drones moved ever so closer to them. Iron looks to his left to see a soldier being torn apart by a Ravager. These best like drones were violent and unpredictable. They focused on close range combat using their long metallic claws to slice their enemies apart like butter.

A WIJ soldier manages to kill an enemy drone soldier but was quickly swarmed and cut to pieces by Ravagers. Iron looks towards the pilot. “Are you ready!?” Iron yelled. The pilot nodded and begins to take off. As soon as they were in the air a drone jumps onto the cockpit window. It punches throw the glass trying to kill the pilot. Kung rushes up grabbing the drone’s arm. Kung pulls out his nova knife stabbing thrusting it through the drone’s chest. The drone sways back and forth before falling off the side.

Two more drones jump into the drop ship. Blue turns around only to be inches away from the enemy drones face. Blue could looks deep into the drone’s cold dead eye to see nothing but steal and metal. The drone grabs blue and tosses him to the side as it made its way towards Colonel Ant. Blue quickly gets up grabbing the drone from behind. Blue punches the drone through the back pulling his arm back ripping pieces of circuitry and wires from the drone. The drone falls onto the floor and Iron quickly pulls out his Y14 and shoots it in the head.

Iron looks out over the shield barrier to see a few lucky drop ships make their way. “Damn that was intense.” Kung said as he rubbed his face. Iron and Blue were covered in blood and dirt. “How could WIJ create such a machine? How could WIJ create something so destructive and deadly?” Blue asked himself. A few more ships from other battalions begin to merge in formation with each other.
What was once three hundred thousand soldiers turned into only a few thousand in a couple of hours.

To be continued.

ACT2

Author's Note:

Q: What is this about:

A: Its about a war between WIJ and a creation of WIJ

Q: Why is WIJ getting owned

A: I don't want the war to seem easy.

Q: Acts?

A: Chapters are long so I am breaking them into acts.
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Novarum is not online. Novarum
Joined: 05 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4535
12 Feb 2013 06:42 PM
Can you get off of C&G with this crap, SHEESH.
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AceofSpades1977 is not online. AceofSpades1977
Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 5299
12 Feb 2013 06:44 PM
I never met a people IRL whose names were "Ant, Iron, Blue" etc.
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 06:44 PM
Please take a second to read it. You will find it most interesting.
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Novarum is not online. Novarum
Joined: 05 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4535
12 Feb 2013 06:46 PM
Hehe, I'm just kidding kungfuman32, I love the story, keep it going.
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AceofSpades1977 is not online. AceofSpades1977
Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 5299
12 Feb 2013 06:46 PM
The body of the story is well-written.

The creativity ("The Soldier Story" cliche) is incredibly overused nowadays.

It's a pretty good book, 7/10.
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Voile is not online. Voile
Joined: 19 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 7598
12 Feb 2013 06:47 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 06:48 PM
The body of the story is well-written.
I do my job

The creativity ("The Soldier Story" cliche) is incredibly overused nowadays.
It won't be something like soldier goes rambo and wins. It will be something epic.

It's a pretty good book, 7/10.
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cashpop is not online. cashpop
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 2984
12 Feb 2013 06:50 PM
Just read the first paragraph.

I suggest placing more paragraphs to spread this out a bit and having ONE speaker per paragraph. It's much more manageable and easier or us to differentiate who is talking and to read without hurting our eyes. This is just me, but I prefer it that way.
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AceofSpades1977 is not online. AceofSpades1977
Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 5299
12 Feb 2013 06:51 PM
"Soldier Goes Rambo" is quite uncommon. No, I'm talking about the "A-Squad" genre, where the story is centered around a squad of individuals. I like the one protagonist. Despite the fact that the "Bloody Action Man" stories are a bit ego-infatuating, they're so uncommon, and sometimes, you need some guy who jumps through stunts of destruction, combats fierce opponents, and fluently slaughters hi enemies. Because sometimes, people need to read something they've rarely read before.
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Novarum is not online. Novarum
Joined: 05 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4535
12 Feb 2013 06:51 PM
bump.
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AceofSpades1977 is not online. AceofSpades1977
Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 5299
12 Feb 2013 06:51 PM
*his
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SillyIego is not online. SillyIego
Joined: 03 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 372
12 Feb 2013 06:52 PM
Wow this was amazing :D
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 06:53 PM
Ace, It will be centered on a squad of soldiers but it will have many support character. These characters won't be random guys but will have a built story of their very own to give the story life.

Cash, I'll see what I can do.
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chenchen18 is not online. chenchen18
Joined: 04 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 162
12 Feb 2013 06:56 PM
Let me in this story pls. Im your friend.
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chenchen18 is not online. chenchen18
Joined: 04 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 162
12 Feb 2013 06:59 PM
Also. Why do you say a lot of bad words.
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 07:00 PM
Cause.
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Tamuramu is not online. Tamuramu
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 356
12 Feb 2013 07:01 PM
Epic story bro.
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dudeshark is not online. dudeshark
Joined: 06 May 2009
Total Posts: 12534
12 Feb 2013 07:02 PM
Very good. The only thing I would recommend is describing the location more. The whole time, I was wondering if it was at indigo or some other place in the first chapter.
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 07:04 PM
No indigo, some random rocky plain. on some random planet. I will be sure to describe the location more.
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AceofSpades1977 is not online. AceofSpades1977
Joined: 15 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 5299
12 Feb 2013 07:04 PM
You may also want to give your characters actual names. Ask who the characters are based on for their names.
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strange is not online. strange
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Total Posts: 1066
12 Feb 2013 07:05 PM
A. Too long, keep it shorter.
B. Fix your grammar and spelling fragments.
C. Don't be so cheesy. Come up with your own ideas. Don't write based off of others. Or, if you are not aware your's is like others, type some words into the search and see if you get a result.


~The Emperor Of Strange
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mikekilla2 is not online. mikekilla2
Joined: 01 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 1422
12 Feb 2013 07:05 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azm20l97V_A

Ye

-The ubiquitous eye is watching.-
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kungfuman32 is not online. kungfuman32
Joined: 12 Dec 2008
Total Posts: 9172
12 Feb 2013 07:06 PM
Characters are based on players in WIJ

Ant = AmazingAnt

Iron = IronPredetor

Blue = Bluestar21

Kung = kungfuman32

I try and make their names sound as realistic as possible while making sure people know who the characters are based on. It would be easier if they did not have such wacky names.
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evilchiken is not online. evilchiken
Joined: 31 May 2008
Total Posts: 197
12 Feb 2013 07:07 PM
3/10

that's me being serious, by the way

if you want pointers, pm me
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