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Re: My first story..

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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
06 Feb 2013 08:42 PM
Imperfect is Perfect


Chapter 1:

I woke, uneasily. I had an awful nightmare. I looked at my calendar and saw it was the first day of school. I looked at the time; 6:59. School started at 7:30.. Oh great! My mom made me a quick breakfast, and we left. As we were driving to school, I saw a strange cat. Poor thing, looked homeless. Sorry.. thought I should mention that, we don't see many cats around here. We arrived. The school was a huge brick 2-story building. No one was around. Must be in class. ''Bye mom'' I said. As I walked in, I felt this chill go down my spine. Woah.. this place was huge, and beautiful, yet scary, and familar. I've never been here in my life, though. I looked at my schedule: English, Math, Gym, Science, History, Study Hall, and band. First year of high school; I knew I'd be here for four years. Freshman year. I walked into my first classroom, it was right down the hall. Mr. Ron, my English teacher, escorted me to a seat next to a girl named Athena. I thought of the goddess of Wisdom and craft, wondering if she was like her. She had long black hair, and sparkly brown eyes. Something seemed.. wrong. I knew right away she just wasn't going to become a friend. "Good morning class, I am Mr. Ron, and for half of this semester we will be doing poetry. Since this is the first day of school, I'd like everyone to do a bio poem. Here are the instructions.'' He passed out some sheets. I quickly grabbed one, and read it. ''You will be writing a poem about yourself. It will be like this, you will write your name on line 1. On line 2, you will write your favorite thing. On line 3, You will repeat. You need atleast 10 lines.'' I began straight away. My poem, turned out alright, I guess.
''Lindsey Beck,
Favorite color blue,
Daughter of Rebecca and John,
Has two brothers,
Favorite animal cat,
Is a freshman,
Favorite subject Science,
Loves reading,
British,
And enjoys singing.''
I gave my poem to Mr. Ron. He took up everyones papers. ''So, you're the new girl?'' Athena suddenly whispered. ''You know what we do to new people?'' "No,'' I said. ''We make sure they suffer, and never come back.'' I gulped. I already have people hating me? ''Athena, not this again. Leave the new students alone.'' A girl came up to us. ''Ah, Samantha, sticking up for the new kids, this is why no one likes you.'' Apparently, the girls name was Samantha. She had straight blonde hair, and golden brown eyes. She had a nice smile. ''Athena, grow up,'' she said. ''Samantha. This is none of-'' ''Ladies, stop.'' Mr. Ron came over. ''Yes, sir,'' they said. It was time for the next class; Math. My least favorite subject. And guess who was in my math class? Samantha, fine with that, two other familar people, and Athena. Oh great! ''Class, pick a seat.'' Our teacher, Ms. Denby, said. I sat in the corner. ''Hey, Lindsey, may I sit here?'' Samantha asked. ''Sure..'' I said awkwardly. I think I made a new friend. Athena came up to us. ''Aw, how cute.'' she said. ''Go away,'' Samantha muttered. ''Nah.'' Just then, a boy, stunning rare green eyes, and dirty blonde hair, came over here. ''Athena, leave.'' he said. ''Oh, look, it's Cameron.'' ''Athena, leave.'' ''Why would I listen to an outcast like you?'' She called her friends over. ''Cece, Skyler, Dylan, and Tobie, take care of them.'' She said, walking away.
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LegoADS is not online. LegoADS
Joined: 03 May 2011
Total Posts: 25703
07 Feb 2013 11:03 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
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LordOfDaLords is not online. LordOfDaLords
Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 21
07 Feb 2013 01:01 PM
I am the Lord Of Da Lords
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Jetpacker33 is not online. Jetpacker33
Joined: 05 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 15
07 Feb 2013 03:47 PM
OMG MY NAME IS CAMERON NICE STORIE :P
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
07 Feb 2013 04:48 PM
Thanks



Pengy C:
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sunshinestar123 is not online. sunshinestar123
Joined: 07 Mar 2010
Total Posts: 6296
07 Feb 2013 05:01 PM
Nice story :D
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
07 Feb 2013 05:21 PM
Chapter 2:


I woke up in the nurses room. I saw Samantha, Cameron, two others, Skyler, Cece, Tobie, and Dylan in the room. "Samantha?'' ''Yeah?'' ''What happened?'' ''Oh.. well.. um.. we got in a huge fight, fortunately, we won. Unfortunately, we were injured, and might have been bruised wrong if it wasn't for these two-'' She pointed towards a pale red-headed girl with hazel green eyes, and a tall boy with black hair and blue eyes ''-over here.'' ''The girls name is Skipper, and the boys name is Josh.'' Cameron said. Skipper? Interesting girls name. ''Sadly, Lindsey, we're in detention for a week.'' ''Could have been worse.'' I muttered. First day of school, and already detention. I missed Gym because of the incident, and it was time for Science. I went to class. Luckily, only the girl, Cece, was in my class, and not Athena. I really don't wanna deal with her and her friends all together, everyday. ''Ok, class, today we will be learning about the kingdoms.'' Our teacher, Mrs. Brown, said. Her face was sorta creepy, in a way. Ohh, lunch time. I decided to sit at the end. Skipper was in my class, so she sat by me. ''Hi, Lindsey.'' ''Hi, Skipper.'' It was sorta awkward, but we started talking. ''So.. Lindsey.. about the fight, Athena, she's like the ''bully'' in our school. Just keep away from her.'' ''Kinda hard to do.'' ''I know, I know, but you have to hide if you come in contact with her.'' I awkwardly ate my lunch; Those school pizzas, which was strangely delicious, a small cookie, an apple, and milk. Lunch was over. We walked back to class silently. Soon, it was time for History. We learned about the continents. Finally, Study hall. We could do anything for an hour. I searched for Samantha, and saw her with Skipper and Josh. ''Hey, guys.'' I said. Then Athena walked towards us. ''Guys-'' and I noticed she had Cameron with her.
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Eguanazor is not online. Eguanazor
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15429
07 Feb 2013 05:23 PM
this is bad
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
07 Feb 2013 05:24 PM
@Egua, Thank you, I appreciate the hate C:




Pengy C:
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Eguanazor is not online. Eguanazor
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15429
07 Feb 2013 05:33 PM
don't write so poorly if you don't want any criticism
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
07 Feb 2013 05:38 PM
I actually like having criticism, it shows how you can improve things. But I did try, you can say I wrote poorly all you want.


Pengy C:
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LegoADS is not online. LegoADS
Joined: 03 May 2011
Total Posts: 25703
07 Feb 2013 05:48 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
07 Feb 2013 09:15 PM
I'll write 3rd chapter tomorrow.



Pengy C:
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Eguanazor is not online. Eguanazor
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15429
07 Feb 2013 09:32 PM
please don't
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Jetpacker33 is not online. Jetpacker33
Joined: 05 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 15
08 Feb 2013 03:12 PM
Well actullay Eguanazor your just plain old dumb so You should back off Before you catch a virus on your Computer because im a hacker C:



(SERRIOSLY BACK OFF)



Sincerly, Jetpacker33
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Jetpacker33 is not online. Jetpacker33
Joined: 05 Feb 2013
Total Posts: 15
08 Feb 2013 03:13 PM
By the way...




(PengPaw4 if you want a BodyGuard PM me because im a rly good BODEHGAURD)
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
08 Feb 2013 03:58 PM
Some people enjoy this, so Im going to continue writing it. Because I love writing. And um, Jet, no thanks..




Pengy C:
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Forevaa is not online. Forevaa
Joined: 15 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 3
08 Feb 2013 04:25 PM
c: this is really good, Peng
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
08 Feb 2013 05:40 PM
Thank chu



Chapter 3:

''Athena, let Cameron go.'' Samantha yelled. ''No.'' ''Why do you need him?'' ''For future plans.'' She walked away. I decided Cameron would escape eventually, though I wanted to help. I went to class, band. Nothing much. I had to go to the bathroom. As I walked out, I saw Athena, Tobie, Cece, Skyler, and Dylan, I'll call them ''Athena's group''. They had Cameron. ''Cameron, we won't let you go. You do realize, we can, and will keep you forever?'' Athena said. ''How, exactly?'' Cameron asked. I looked closer, and saw he had a black eye- Why are they doing this? ''Easy, we can keep you in our house, and tell everyone you went.. well.. 'missing'. Duh.'' ''What do you want from me?'' ''I want this school to be mine again, since Lindsey arrived, people have been ignoring me. I need you for-'' and suddenly I was pulled back.

I was caught for skipping class. Oh great, I already had detention anyways. And it was time for detention. ''Guys, Camerons in huge trouble.'' I told my friends. ''What kind of trouble?'' Skipper asked. I noticed she and Josh were holding hands, maybe they were dating? ''Life and death, trouble.'' I said. ''Athena has a bad record..'' Samantha said. ''What do you mean?'' ''I mean.. she's been responsible for missing children.'' ''Oh god. We have to help Cameron.'' Detention was over. I walked home. I saw.. Athena.. ''Cameron, just shut up.'' She was pushing Cameron inside a building. I ran towards them-not the best idea. ''Let Cameron go!'' I yelled. ''Lindsey, dear, we know you like Cameron.'' I blushed- I don't know why, I didn't even think of Cameron like that, why would she say that? ''No-'' ''Don't start. We know you do.'' ''Just let him go.'' ''If,''
''If?'' ''You quit school and move towns.''
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Eguanazor is not online. Eguanazor
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15429
08 Feb 2013 09:31 PM
"Well actullay Eguanazor your just plain old dumb so You should back off Before you catch a virus on your Computer because im a hacker C:



(SERRIOSLY BACK OFF)



Sincerly, Jetpacker33"

i'm not sure how to respond to this. the horrid formatting, terrible spelling, and foolish claims really make your post look too pathetic to take seriously
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
09 Feb 2013 12:01 AM
Eguanazor has a point. But seriously, just stop criticising. :3



Pengy C:
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Eguanazor is not online. Eguanazor
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 15429
09 Feb 2013 12:07 AM
i thought you said you like criticism

but it's hardly criticism when your story is so bad that it is helpless
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
09 Feb 2013 10:39 AM
If it was so bad, people wouldn't like it.



Pengy C:
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Pengpaw4 is online. Pengpaw4
Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 15944
09 Feb 2013 12:11 PM
Chapter 4:

Samantha:
''Have you seen Lindsey, lately?'' I asked the others. ''No'' Skipper and Josh said. Cameron walked up to us, looking worried. ''Lindsey's gone, she moved towns because Athena threatened to hurt me if she didn't move.'' He said. ''Wait, but that's so unfair! She didn't do anything!'' I ran off looking for Athena. ''Cece, Skyler, where's Athena.'' ''Why should we tell you?'' I grabbed some rope and tied them together. ''Tell me now or else.'' ''Or else what?'' But they decided to tell me anyways. ''She's outside the school, now let us go-'' I ran off, leaving them tied. ''Athena.'' I approached. ''Why did you do that.'' ''Do what, Samantha?'' She said in a sweet voice, which scared me. ''Threaten Lindsey, and made her leave.'' ''She doesn't belong here.'' ''Just because you don't like her! You're stubborn!'' ''I don't care about you, I could have you ''go missing'' in seconds.'' ''Do it. You took my friend, I don't care.'' ''Oh look the others are here.'' I saw Athenas Group, Cameron, Skipper, and Josh. ''Samantha, say goodbye to your friends.'' I realized my friends were tied up. ''They didn't do anything. Why are you doing this? Tell me, now.'' ''Lindsey's different. My parents are her parents enemies. I swore to them I'd get revenge for them.'' ''But Lindsey didn't do anything!'' ''I know she didn't, but my revenge is leading her away and destroying her.''
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stckdude321 is not online. stckdude321
Joined: 21 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 34
09 Feb 2013 12:37 PM
Your story is 100% better than my stories :D
Cool story :)



from stckdude321
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