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Re: Book 1: The Vaktovian way.

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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 05:34 PM
Within a the deep recess of the mind, only a blackness stands out. A fire of Everlasting pain and torment flickers along the border of insanity. This is what most people think of a Vaktovian warrior. They look into their eyes, and see torment. They see death. Anger. Blood. Though some would call a Vaktovian less than worthy, I've come to understand these men and women. Blood is glory, and discipline is law. This used to be the way of the Vaktovian Empire. Now, I see what most would see in the Average Empire. A hunger of Ambition, a lowered sense of free will.

On this day, I will be starting a book. Something that starts with a young Vaktovian soldier, and how he slowly came into Realization. Here is the first Chapter.



[Preview]

''They're coming, Drak''. Drakond looked down the field, where thousands of soldiers marched to the sign of death. A three way line. Red as blood, dark as death. ''What did you expect, John?'' Drakond said, his eyes staring at the field in front of him. ''We were in the way of the Vaktovian Empires conquest, so they decided to destroy us. It's the Vaktovian way. Conquer and Conquest, remember?'' John looked ahead, and his eyes almost close to a line, he was squinting so ferociously. ''So, the stories are true''. John whispered, as he looked ahead. Three Vaktovians walked into view. Two in a Formal suit, badges adorning their entire chests. The other one, taller than the others, sleek yet still as imposing as the rest. Black armor adorned his chest, a red and white cap flowing to the calm breeze that the country provided. A metal helmet with red points on top fitted atop his head, and caused a darkness to settle against his face, so much that you couldn't even see it. It was Vaktus himself. Then, as if on cue, Vaktus turned his head, in the exact direction Drakond was hiding. Vaktus then started walking across the short field, in Drakonds position. John ran away as fast as his legs could carry him, paying no heed to Drakond or Vaktus. Drakond'ss face hardened beneath his mask, and he was just about to run himself when a claw clamped on his shoulder, and a dark voice said ''Found you''.
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SolarSentient is not online. SolarSentient
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 1864
19 Dec 2012 05:39 PM
It's only a game.
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schrute is not online. schrute
Joined: 17 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 5559
19 Dec 2012 05:46 PM
^
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 09:10 PM
I know, but the storyline of all the roblox clans has given me a deep interest. So many Major clans will partake a role in this book. But it's focusing mainly around Vaktovia. I'm aiming the make the book, like my last one, 160,00 words or so. This is going to be a Book with a single sequel. If you have any questions or Ideas, feel free to ask.

Thank you.
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bluebreez1 is not online. bluebreez1
Joined: 06 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 4047
19 Dec 2012 09:12 PM
>_>
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 09:45 PM
A/N= Authors Note.


A/N: The preview is actually somewhat further in the book, around the middle. The actual Chapter begins here. Each Chapter will have 4-5 Paragraphs in it, and there will be a new Chapter, every Night!


[CHAPTER 1]

''I don't know if this will work out, John. They only accept the best, and they have been known to be extremely brutal...I don't know if we'll pass their exams.'' Said Drakond, staring at John without blinking. ''I've heard they are the most respected Earthly Military in existance. We may not make it alive.'' Said John, an eyebrow arched in amusement. Both of them looked at each other, then exploded in laughter. John actually had tears coming out of his eyes, and Drakond was shaking his head slowly from side to side. ''Come on, let's go see how this works out.'' Said John, grabbing Drakond by the arm and leading him to the F.E.A.R Recruitment officer. The Officer looked at them for a moment, then his eyes brightened in realization that they were Civilians, not foreign military. That meant they could be recruited. ''Hey boys! I'm Dan, nice to meet you. Great weather we're having, huh? A great day to join F.E.A.R, eh? That's right, you could be one of the lucky people chosen to join fear!'' Dan said, his eyes twinkling in hope. Drakond and John looked at each other for a moment, then back at Dan. Then John opened up his mouth to speak.


''Did you have to say that about his mother?!'' Drakond exclaimed, huffing from the exertion of the chase. John was still laughing at the conversation. ''Listen, if I had known that there were 12 others standing by, I wouldn't have done it!'' John said, still trying to supress himself from laughing. Drakond looked at him for a moment, then slowed down to a jog. He then pulled John over to him, behind a large metal pipe. ''Shut up for a minute, listen'' Drakond whispered, his head poked out from their newfound hiding place. After a moment, they slid out from their cover. What they saw suprised them. The 12 F.E.A.R soldiers were laying on the floor, out cold. Then John laughed out loud on what he saw next. Dan, the recruitment Officer, was laying upside down, his Undergarments on his head, with the words ''FEAR at its Finest'' on the front. Drakond raised an eyebrow, then heard a soft clink. A shadow loomed over John, and Drakond saw two arms slowly raise above Johns head. John stopped laughing, and looked at Drakond. ''What, do I have something on my face?'' John asked, still unaware of the threat above him. Drakond, then ran foward, and pushed John out of the way as the two hands clamped down on where He was a moment before, Drakond now taking his place. Then they heard a Dark, deep voice say ''So, you two were about to join FEAR, eh?''. They looked up, and saw a Soldier in Black and Red Body armor, with a glare that could melt metal. He then reached foward and grabbed Drakond's Arm.


''I asked you a question, Boy. You would be wise to respect your Superiors and do as they say'' the man said, the glare still in place. ''Hey, you can't do that!'' Said John, his hands on his hips, with a glare on his own face. The men stared at John silently, then slowly reached over and grabbed a small Metal pole from his side. He then pressed a button, and the whole pole suddenly lit up as A laser shot up from it. It was a Laser based sword, technology that could not be found on Johns Homeworld. ''N-no, Sir. We were pranking them again, like we always do. We wouldn't join it for all the Credits in the world!'' John stammered. Drakond then grabbed the mans Arm, and tried to push it away. But the ropes of muscle underneath his Uniform were as hard as Iron, and could no doubt do the same damage as any Iron based weapon could. Drakond then pushed as hard as he could, with no avail. The mans eyes moved to him, amusement playing across his face. ''Sorry kid, I have no use for you. It's the bratty one I want.'' the Man said, who then dropped Drakond on the floor, and advanced on to John. Drakond, then slowly stood back up, his arm aching. John tried to speak, to say anything. A retort, a sentence of defiance. But all that came out was a Small whimper, as the man slowly moved his sword towards John.


Just as the man was about to swing, Drakond's instinct kicked in. He went under the mans arm, then grabbed his wrist. He then took out his own personal weapon, a small Iron club, and smashed it on the mans wrist as hard as he could. There was a resounding crack that could be heard across the room, and the man dropped his weapon. The man clutched at his wrist for a moment, then looked at Drakond. His eyes seemed to turn red with anger. Drakond then threw the club at the man, which missed and thunked against the wall. He then looked down at the pole, and pressed the red button. The laser shot out, and stopped at its limit. Drakond then waved the Sword around like it would solve all the problems in the world with a single sweep. He then said ''I don't know who you are, but you're not hurting John!''. The man hesitated for a moment, then advanced. ''Hey! Didn't you hear me? Back off, or else!'' Drakond shouted, still waving it around. ''Think you have the Guts, kid? Go ahead, try to kill me. Drakond then stopped, the word ''Kill'' flashed around his mind. Grusome events played across his head, ones that seemed like a distant memory. The man took advantage of Drakond's freeze, and ran foward to the kill.

Drakond stood motionless for a moment. Then something strange happened, something that couldn't be explained. The man seemed to move in slow motion, his every move being calculated by Drakond. Drakond slowly dodged the mans fist, then punched the man in the gut. It ended up hurting Drakond more than the man, seeing as the man had body armor. Drakond then jumped up and kicked the man in the neck, sending him staggering backwards. After that, he swung the sword in an arc, and chopped off the mans hand. Time seemd to speed up almost instantly. The man looked at his hand, then at Drakond. Then, to Drakond's suprise, the man Grinned. ''Well, runt. You've just earned yourself an opportunity. Sparks came out of the mans wrist stump. ''I-I don't understand. Why aren't you bleeding?'' Drakond whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. ''Because, Runt. I'm a Cyborg. We tend not the bleed in some areas. Now, about that Opportunity. How would you like to Join Vaktovia?''. Drakonds eyes then lit up, and he slowly backed away in fear. He had just fought a Vaktovian. One of the most feared races that existed. Then John spoke up for Drakond, answering for him. ''Yeah, he'll join. On one condition. I'm going with him''. Drakond stared at John, then back at the man. ''Very well. My name is Sar. Just Sar. And you, my little friends, are about to go through hell''.


A/N: Sorry for the Cliffhangar, but I like to keep people hooked. Read and review!
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Catucus is not online. Catucus
Joined: 26 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16281
19 Dec 2012 09:46 PM
Keep it going, i always love to see people writing.

/endhate.
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hunter7777 is not online. hunter7777
Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Total Posts: 1002
19 Dec 2012 10:06 PM
I'm surprised that I will be the first to compliment you on your writing skills. I am impressed with your story so far; however, I would like to suggest that you make your entries onto separate threads and then gather their URL locations in a final compilation thread. It would make navigation easier than having to rummage through everyone's commentary.
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 10:18 PM
Thank you. Not to worry, After the first five Chapters are written, I'll put them all on a seperate thread at once. I'll do this every five Chapters, which means 25 Paragraphs per new thread. After the whole thing is written, I'll take all the Chapters, and put them on one thread for everyone to enjoy. Thanks for the compliment!
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Azeekee1 is not online. Azeekee1
Joined: 17 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 2798
19 Dec 2012 10:20 PM
Somebody has a bit to much free time..
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develdogm5 is not online. develdogm5
Joined: 26 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1656
19 Dec 2012 10:20 PM
http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=65687052
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 10:23 PM
Thanks again for sharing your story for reference, Devel. And I don't actually have a lot of free time. It takes me about 45 minutes per Chapter, and I write one every night. And, since tomorrow is my birthday, and I actually enjoy writing, Two Chapters! Thank you all for your Opinions. I'm now accepting New characters, so if you want to put in an OC, please PM me with the Character.

Thanks again.
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 11:05 PM
To any that wanted to know, Yes, I want the Vaktovians to be my main Audience, so I can get their point of view on the story, and more information to put into it.

Thanks.
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Zalthulu is not online. Zalthulu
Joined: 24 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 1451
19 Dec 2012 11:08 PM
Nice novel, tracking this thread.
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trituse is not online. trituse
Joined: 03 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 15618
19 Dec 2012 11:16 PM
I love it, Pretty cool so far.
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XenonTheNecromancer is not online. XenonTheNecromancer
Joined: 04 Oct 2012
Total Posts: 1757
19 Dec 2012 11:19 PM
He's a sALT. Checking his IP.
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lBrokenHearts is not online. lBrokenHearts
Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 7509
19 Dec 2012 11:22 PM
Following.
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Drakond is not online. Drakond
Joined: 22 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 306
19 Dec 2012 11:22 PM
I'm not an Alt. I'm just new. Please, if the comment isn't related to the story, just PM me about it.


Thanks.
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KIeos is not online. KIeos
Joined: 18 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 4917
19 Dec 2012 11:25 PM
im interested, gonna read it all once its out
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Outlaw001 is not online. Outlaw001
Joined: 22 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 35333
19 Dec 2012 11:41 PM
Apparently joining in 012 means you're an alt.

Dat logic, Xenon.

-One can not SIMPLY become an Outlaw. I FIGHT FOR YOU
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Centauri07 is not online. Centauri07
Joined: 03 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 3780
19 Dec 2012 11:50 PM
#VAKlife
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NinjaZebra107 is not online. NinjaZebra107
Joined: 12 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 3266
20 Dec 2012 12:14 AM
You're going to kill my eyes with this novel. Keep it going.
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gyromatic4 is not online. gyromatic4
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 644
20 Dec 2012 12:20 AM
My only qualms are the typoes and the lack of a setting beyond the hiding place behind the pipe. I've decided that FEAR was recruiting in a Crayola factory in order to fulfill the latter's absence.
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DullTitan is not online. DullTitan
Joined: 25 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 3975
20 Dec 2012 12:22 AM
Wait. So Vaktus is just playing a game of Hide and Seek?
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icvdude is not online. icvdude
Joined: 21 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 2088
20 Dec 2012 12:23 AM
Pretty good.
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