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Treasure Hunt [Chapter 1]

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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
21 Jan 2013 10:43 AM
Treasure Hunt

CHAPTER 1 - The Beginning

-[December 28]-

They are treasure hunters. Deyonte Range, Zachary Taylor, Colby Thompson, Andrew Reed, Prithvi Patel, and Dante Valenti are all treasure hunters. They search the globe for hidden treasures for fame, glory, and for the adventure. They are loved by many, but we are also hated. The treasure hunters have always acomplished their missions, but right now, this is going to be their hardest. The treasure they are going to be looking for is called the Diamond Eye. It is an ancient gem stone, size of a school bus, and was used in the ancient days for ceremonial reasons.

"Guys, I just heard on the news about some treasure called the Diamond Eye. We should search for it." said Dante. "From what I've heard and researched, it is worth over 500 million dollars." Dante walked over to the TV, and turned on the news. "This just in, a search is being held for the Diamond Eye. Archaeologists have been examining the maps they have found, and they have all went missing searching for it. If you can find the Diamond Eye, you can exchange it for 500 million dollars. Good luck to those treasure hunters out there!" said the news man. "Lets begin this, shall we?"

Prithvi called up Deyonte Range for the hunt. They all met at Andrew's house. Zachary was the only one who wasn't there yet, but that didn't stop them. "Deyonte, have you heard of the Diamond Eye?" asked Prithvi. "I have" answered Deyonte. "Well, we need some funds to do it. Are you willing to help?" asked Prithvi. "Of course, we're all in it for the fame, glory, and adventure!" said Deyonte. "Good"
"I remember from yesterday, we need to start at South America to find the map. It is apparently located underwater in the Amazon River." said Colby. "Lets pack!"
________________________________________________________________________

Please tell me on what I need to improve on, this is my first story I've ever made on a forum. Please do not flame.
-COOLDUDE11OO

The next chapter will be made soon.
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
23 Jan 2013 06:20 PM
[CHAPTER 1]

January 3

"Finally, we're done!" said Prithvi."Hey Zach, what took you so long?" "Must eat the pie, must eat the pie!" replied Zach.
"Okay..." Zach hears voices in his head, in our last treasure hunt, he was drowned, then he was found 10 minutes later. It took a couple of days for him to wake up. He's been hearing voices ever since.

"Guys, ready to leave?" asked Colby. "Yes!" replied everyone. "Lets go then."
They all got onto the plane. Deyonte' is the one who provided the money.
They waited on the plane for quite a while.
"Thank you." said Prithvi. One of the workers gave him some food. All of the people on this plane were hired by Prithvi. He was the one who built the plane, the plane can travel incredibaly fast. Approximatley 500 MPH.

"Attension. We are having trouble with controls. Please keep calm, we are trying our best to put us back on track." said the man over the loudspeaker. One thing no one on the plane knew was that there was someone on it that must not be trusted...
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mineraal is not online. mineraal
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 400
24 Jan 2013 08:01 AM
Pretty good. I like it.
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
24 Jan 2013 05:35 PM
Thanks. I'm going to make the next chapter soon. This is based off of a play I'm doing with my friends.
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
26 Jan 2013 09:13 AM
[CHAPTER 3]

Two Hours

"Oh God! Plane is not functioning correctly! I think someone is trying to mess up the plane!" shouted Prithvi. They all ran to grab someone parachutes. There was one problem with them, 2 parachutes were missing! Prithvi ran over to the storage. He grabbed 2 parachutes and gave them to Zach and Andrew.
They all looked around, they noticed a man wearing shades, and a black suit. He also had a knife in his hand. He laughed horribily. He ran over to them, about to stab Zach and Prithvi, but they all jumped out of the plane in time. Right before they jumped, someone over the loud speaker said that we are right above South America. They were incredibaly lucky.

They were falling, Prithvi looked like he was about to pass out. They all reached the ground safely. They landed in what looked like a farm. "Atleast we are alive." said Colby.
"We need to find some shelter." They walked for what seemed like hours, then they finally found a hotel. Deyonte' paid the person at the front desk 600 dollars. It cost 200 dollars a night to stay there. It was quite worth it. "6 bedrooms, 5 TVs, an X-Box, some games, and 6 bath tubs. They were definatley going to like it there. "Lets get to bed, we can do the X-Boxs' tomorrow." said Colby. They all went to bed, with an upcomming adventure.
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
28 Jan 2013 05:23 PM
A lot of errors. Feel free to point them out.
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
11 Feb 2013 05:22 PM
Probably going to make the next chapter tomorrow.
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BaseWarSnipeRifle is not online. BaseWarSnipeRifle
Joined: 11 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 8020
11 Feb 2013 05:25 PM
1.Type it

2. Call book making company

3. Get rich if they pass it1!
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COOLDUDE11OO is not online. COOLDUDE11OO
Joined: 21 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 5115
24 Feb 2013 12:31 PM
[12 Hours]

"Hah!" yelled Zach. "I killed you!" They were playing Call of Duty. Zach is a mad-man at this game. It once had a Kill Death Ratio of 75 kills, 1 death. "Zach, stop yelling. AJ and I are trying to find a vehicle we can use to search for the map." said Prithvi. "Use a submarine. You built one in 5 minutes" said Zach. "It's not that simple. The river is surrounded by security men. I've heard someone was drowned, forcefully." "We'll need something advanced, we need to do this quick. We need to buy something" said Prithvi. "Deyonte', do you think you could buy the submarine for us?" "Sure, It's not like my company is going bankrupt." His company was close to going bankrupt, but Prithvi built some stuff for them, and his company was booming again.
____________________________________________________________________________
Sorry the chapter was boring and short. The next chapter will be MUCH better.
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