enes130
|
  |
| Joined: 22 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1403 |
|
|
| 15 Jan 2013 03:17 PM |
Location: WIJ High Command center.
SS walks into a room with blue prints. He looks at Owen thats shooting some of them with his Y14. SS: I see you are getting to it. Owen: Yes, I am. Do you see that one in the middle. SS: Yes. Owen: Thats the design of Project C.
SS: Are you sure it will work? No ofcourse not. Thats why its so fun to build it. SS walks out of the room.
Dizz walks in. Owen did you see SS. You just missed him. Dizz says something in another langugue and exits the room. Owen sits in his chair and thinks. I hope it works. It will change lives.
Location: WIJ Citadel.
Officer Enes walks the tech room in. Wow guys you really outdone yourself. A Sergeant nods his head. Thank you sir. This shield will defend many WIJains. It will infact safe lives. Enes: Yes, but how its going with the power of it. I dont want it to go off when hit. Oh you will see at the tests at Sinopia, sir. I hope it. Enes watch goes off. Not again. The machine room is heaving problem with the engine..... Enes runs out of the room.
Dont complain about grammer.
-enes130, WIJ officer. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 15 Jan 2013 03:20 PM |
| Interesting story line, nice and mysterious. :) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
cashpop
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 2984 |
|
|
| 16 Jan 2013 08:34 AM |
TH3 doesn't know what he is taking about.
When you actually release the story, you should only have one speaker per paragraph. Even if you have to make an entire line for a character to say a few words. That's proper. It makes it less confusing to see who is talking.
This is only the preview so I don't understand what's the plot here. You could have done so to entice more interest but eh.
Haven't read any WIJ fanfics in awhile so I'll start with this one. Oh and I should be the star hoho |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Winable
|
  |
| Joined: 11 Jul 2012 |
| Total Posts: 780 |
|
|
| 16 Jan 2013 09:17 AM |
This reminds me of 50 shades of grey.
-Win me! |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
profas009
|
  |
| Joined: 02 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2057 |
|
|
| 16 Jan 2013 09:29 AM |
Woop woop! Call the grammar police!
Not a good look. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 16 Jan 2013 09:29 AM |
didnt read but ok
☬Fëmmë Fatalë☬ |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|