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Re: Memories ch.1

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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
08 Jan 2013 03:38 AM
Only using this as safe storage as I said, not a complete chapter but give feedback if you decide to read it.


---------------------------------

Stark white snow drifted across an expansive park, in a rather rich city that floated above the clouds. It was the middle of the night and the park was dark save for patches that were dimly lit with bright yellow light by the park's street lamps. The park itself was covered in tree's and rock formations, that dotted the vast, white landscape. The park was empty except for one lone figure looking at her reflection by the park's fountain. She was young, couldn't have been more than fourteen. Long, jet black hair flowed down her back. A single tear ran down her narrow, dirty face as she looked into her own blood red pupils. She held a pair of identification holo tags shakily in her hand. She had read the name she would never hear again several times before coming to the park. She looked down again to read it, for she could not believe that this person was truly dead. The tags flickered to life, and a deep, red light showed the name inscribed upon it.

'Jack Ven'Tael- Enlist- NSS-' it read.

More tears came as she read the tags, and she hid them within the folds of her clothes and waited for the tag's lights to dim once more. She returned her gaze to her reflection as she recalled the events of that day. The day when her whole damn world had descended into madness.

Ten hours earlier

"Krypka, get your ass into cover!" Jack yelled as their position was pounded with incoming enemy fire. Krypka clumsily did as her friend ordered, digging into the fake simulated snow, pressing her blue armored back hard against the fake simulated rocks that covered the area. Krypka hated the battlefield and yearned for a desk position within the Nafarian military. She personally would rather choose her career but her father would not have it so, and thus was thrust into the Nafarian Royal Academy. She began to shake with fear as her rock began to be hit with stun rounds. She constantly reminded herself that nothing here was real, and she would walk out of this with only minor bruises as she had time and time before. She regained control over herself and her will and snuck a peak over her rock the second she was no longer under fire. A large white expanse met her gaze filled with everything you may find in a real battlefield. Other cadet's scattered the field, donned in either red or blue training armor, taking shots at each other. But above all this lay the goal of their team, the faux Aktun class battle cruiser. Their goal was simple, or so their trainers had instructed, they were to make their way to the gravity pad and detonate a "EMP bomb" that would destroy the carrier. So far nothing had gone as planned and she looked to Jack for further orders. His unnaturally tall frame for a Nafarian-Human hybrid crouched behind his own cover. He scanned the field eagerly, looking for any form of opening they could take. Seven others were with them, and after a long wait, Jack finally cleared his throat looking to the soldiers under his own command.

"Ok, all of you, gather up!" He shouted. Once everyone was crouched around Jack, he continued. "We appear to be teamed with bum rushing fools who don't know the first thing about a fight." He paused and looked about his troops, their expressions were hard to see under the semi-opaque blue visor's. "We will be the only hope for blue team, and the reds have left us with an excellent opening to their bounty."

"Sir, permission to speak?" A smaller Nafarian pure blood by the name of Vrost began.

"Permission granted" Jack replied.

"With all due respect sir, there is no opening to the cruiser, they have it locked down tight, and the other squads of blue are simply throwing themselves at the MG's" Vrost proclaimed.

"Vrost my friend," Jack began. "Take a look once more, there is always a weak point in these sim's, he lead Vrost to the edge of the rock, Krypka, curious followed the pair and looked to where Jack was pointing. "Look there, Krypka surely you see it with all of the lessons I have given you on our spare time." Krypka looked on but could not see what Jack was referring to. She shook her head, which was met with a Scowl from Jack. "There." he said, bringing Vrost and Krypka closer to him, and at last she saw it. "That portion of the wall is slightly lower than the rest and on top of the there are no MG's posted there and it sits perfectly in the blind spot of the rest, it is lightly defended as well.

"Ah, but Jack, we are but seven troops." He began "The rest of our squad got hit during the drop. We simply don't have the man power to muscle our way to that cruiser on our own."

"Vrost," he began as the trio returned to the rest of the cadets who waited eagerly for commands, they shifted uneasily in the snow. "please do let me finish, it is rather rude when you do not let you're commanding officer finish his plan." He remarked.

"Sorry sir." Vrost replied.

"Now then, we're going to need to reach the breach in their defence's quietly, we probably won't survive a full blown firefight out in the open." He gestured over the rocks towards the other blue's who's numbers were dwindling fast. "We're going to sneak around the rock pass over to the right here" He said as he began to draw a rough sketch of their surroundings in the snow. "It's a longer pass but we should be able to make it up to their breach unnoticed." He said. "As for the few guards they have positioned there, their takedowns should go unnoticed as their defense force seems to be rather pre occupied with the front, once they are down, we will scale the walls and open the gate for what's left of the cannon fodder, am I clear?" He completed.

A wave of nods went over the small group. Jack smiled, as he stood up to his full height. "Very well." He said. "Everyone on my mark, we dart for the trees." He said. Krypka held her training rifle tightly in her hand as she prepared herself to run. She looked towards Jack as he looked towards the vast red defense, waiting for an opening. He began to hold his hand up, all of his fingers extended towards the sky as he continued to survey the enemy lines. Krypka continued to stare at him as she crouched in the snow. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Jack closed his fist and silently commanded "Go!" to the soldiers around him. As soon as the word clicked within Krypka's thought process, she stood up, and sprinted for the trees like a panther would as it chased after it's prey. The trees were a great distance from their current location and it wasn't long before they were spotted, Krypka seemed to be targeted immediately, and she soon found herself dodging the stun rounds fired at her. She began to run faster, pumping her legs as fast as they would carry her, dodging the red rounds that now hit the synthetic snow, sending small puffs of it in all directions. She heard a yell behind her as she ran but wasted no time to stop and see who it was. The tree's were not too far ahead now, and just as she was about to feel more secure and began to slow down, another round of MG fire slammed into the ground near her legs, and she once more quickened her pace. The trees were mere feet ahead of her as she made the final leap into the cover of the trees, clearing the distance easily. She didn't land so gracefully however, and hit the ground hard, her arms extended. A shot of pain went up them as she hit the ground, her rifle clattered carelessly up ahead of her. She began to pant heavily as five other recruits came into the cover of the trees, Jack laughing madly.
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Charles4532 is not online. Charles4532
Joined: 16 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 598
08 Jan 2013 07:56 AM
These stories Are great Rom.
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zman250 is not online. zman250
Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 18410
08 Jan 2013 08:13 AM
cool
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
08 Jan 2013 09:20 AM
Thanks.

~Lone Wolf
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BenjyGames is not online. BenjyGames
Joined: 20 Sep 2012
Total Posts: 91
08 Jan 2013 09:35 AM
we should work together to sell lore to clans :)
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arcticglalian is not online. arcticglalian
Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 6181
08 Jan 2013 09:36 AM
Legit.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
08 Jan 2013 09:47 AM
Thanks and Barry im working on the empire divided project.

~Lone Wolf.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
08 Jan 2013 06:54 PM
Bump.

~Lone Wolf.
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braedena018 is not online. braedena018
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 114
08 Jan 2013 11:39 PM
As always, Excellent job Romuluz. I could see you being a bigtime author in the future if that's the path you choose to take.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 01:18 AM
Thanks, I am actually thinking about it, I have three career paths I'm interested in so I hoprfully not have career troubles.

~Lone Wolf.
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smallninjabob is not online. smallninjabob
Joined: 12 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 9477
09 Jan 2013 01:31 AM
Great story!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAryFIuRxmQ

~N!NJA~
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 01:44 AM
Thanks.
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nickle389 is not online. nickle389
Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 456
09 Jan 2013 08:12 AM
Its a great story rom. You always impress us with something new.
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Anthonylazaro101 is not online. Anthonylazaro101
Joined: 19 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 1182
09 Jan 2013 02:48 PM
I like that this is in a hundred years before these soldiers are higher up like Vrost and Krypka smart idea.

☢↭♋⇏☣↭☠ Those are some really interesting items u got there. it'd b a shame if something happen to them hehehehe ♋↭☢⇍☣↭☠
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 08:07 PM
Yes, you also make a few appearences. Thanks.

~Lone Wolf.

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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 08:28 PM
Bump, keeping my storage at the top

~Lone Wolf.
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nickle389 is not online. nickle389
Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 456
09 Jan 2013 08:45 PM
Gonna make a bump. Again I love the story it explains a bit of Long Night in Hell and is more discriptive in a sadening way but, very enjoyable.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 08:46 PM
Yeah I am planning on making this super depressing, the first chapter won't really be I am finishing it tonight. But it will slowly get more depressing and will explain a lot as to the reason why Krypka is the way she is in LNiH.

~Lone Wolf.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 08:47 PM
It's also going to symbolize loss, if you could not already tell.

~Lone Wolf.
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nickle389 is not online. nickle389
Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 456
09 Jan 2013 08:50 PM
I can see what its getting into. It provides a character background. It leads to how she becomes merciless. From what I see. She loses the person she cares about and just fights cause she can and its all she knows. But, thats just a guess. I don't actually know the story it seems cool though.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 08:52 PM
Pretty close. Even though this story takes place primarily in this time zone two of the chapters will go into an earlier part of Krypka's life.

~Lone Wolf.
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nickle389 is not online. nickle389
Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 456
09 Jan 2013 09:02 PM
Great I enjoy depressing stuff. Usually every story I think of I want some sort of end that is worth remembering not like "and they lived happily ever after." Because that leaves room for something new and something to get screwed up. Usually I like to make the hero die in the end. Its memorable and if the outcome is great then its a worthy death and it should be remembered. I don't know why I am saying this but, I love the story.
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romuluz is not online. romuluz
Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 18124
09 Jan 2013 09:08 PM
Yeah this chapter isn't even complete, this is only half of it, planning on making this the highest point in the story before it all falls apart.

~Lone Wolf.
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nickle389 is not online. nickle389
Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 456
10 Jan 2013 07:29 PM
Sounds like great fun. You'll be a great story writer.
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gyromatic4 is not online. gyromatic4
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 644
10 Jan 2013 07:35 PM
You have good descriptives, but you seem to have stuck true to the "it's not good if it doesn't kill" mindset. Will there be anything other than the manly-man blood guts and glory with a side of romance?

This is a serious question, I don't want you to interpret it as an insult or anything, I'm genuinely curious.
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