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| 24 Nov 2012 08:45 AM |
Chapter 8 I’m peering at my computer screen, when I hear a noise from outside. Tree leaves are crunching outside. Something or someone is walking. I float over to the window, when my wing catches on something. An old book that I’ve never seen before. It has gold crested decorations on the cover that are extremely whimsical. Crash. Boom. Back to the window, I see that hero guy and his tall friend try to creep around my house. I have seen people walk right into a minefield, but this was even dumber. They seriously thought they could break into my home then get out alive? They are either really brave or incredibly stupid. Who am I kidding? They are the most dull and incredibly idiotic people ever. Do they even try anymore? Now that I think about it, they never did. Phasing through the door was easy, and so was getting down spying on them. However, getting trapped in a bow of phase-proof glass was humiliating. The worst part was, that telepathic boy with the blonde hair and black mask put a knock out bomb in my box. Nighty-night.
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:00 AM |
You don't have enough story to call it a chapter. This is more of a summary than anything. Even a book based off of one of the character's notes and journal entries type writings has more length than this by ALOT.
You don't have very much detail either. Your story is in first person, so you need to be describing almost everything. What is your character seeing? Hearing? Feeling? If you don't have a strong grip on those sorts of things your entire story will fall apart. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:15 AM |
| I don't even read your comments anymore. I bet you just follow my posts around so you can criticize them. If you don't like it, don't read it. It is also my book not yours. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:20 AM |
| I gave you advice on how to improve the quality of your writing. I didn't even insult you. Stop acting like a child. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:24 AM |
| Acting like a child is fun! I get to act my own age! You should try it! |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:27 AM |
| You act like a child at the wrong times, then. If you would like, I could word my reply in a harsher manner to increase your understanding. But, that may just hurt your little feelings. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:43 AM |
It's america! You can do whatever you want! People may not like it, but you still can! I have a joke for you! How do vampires get their blood? They go to a blood bank! |
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BaGoo77
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 168 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 10:02 AM |
I ain't American. But still - free country, free ROBLOX.
My only little tiny bit of criticism is these chapters are a little short. Unless it's quite a short story, I think they need to be a tiny bit longer, if you put more adjectives in, it will give it that extra bit of UMPH.
But, I am surprised you can write a story and concentrate. I've attempted about 100 stories and they haven't even been finished! I think it may be ADHD.
.:~BaGoo~:. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 10:17 AM |
Thanks! You see @Cold? She was extremely constructive in her ideas, and much less harsh and mean! You could learn a thing or two!
@BaGoo77~ I'm sure you can write a full story! Just choose your fave things and write about it! I love super heroes, drama, feminism, and action, so I wanted to write about that! Good luck! |
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BaGoo77
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 168 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 10:20 AM |
If I did that, I'd end up writing:
Turtles... Pie? Eh...ROBLOX Writing?
xD I suppose I could do something about Turtles and Creativity. Oosh, I've been inspired!
Thanks, blackfairy! x3 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 10:29 AM |
No problem! Writers help other writers, right? Whoa that was a tongue twister! |
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| 24 Nov 2012 11:03 AM |
-_-
Ok... I tried... Let me sum this up-
I'm not going to sugar coat what I have to say. If you can't take some criticism on your writing, then you need to stop writing. End of story. |
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BaGoo77
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 168 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 11:24 AM |
I quote: "You don't have enough story to call it a chapter." Is an insult, NOT criticism. "...you need to stop writing." Is just plain cruel. Are you trying to crush her dreams or trying to put her down?
.:BaGoo~:. |
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BaGoo77
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2011 |
| Total Posts: 168 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 11:26 AM |
Your name is right - you ARE a cold-blooded killer.
.:~BaGoo~:. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 11:29 AM |
BaGoo
READ... That's not insult, it's just true. This is far to short to be called a chapter, and that's what I said. I even gave her advice on how to make it longer, but she's far to childish to accept it.
And you should probably quote the entire statement before trying to make me appear as a bad person. I said if SHE CAN'T TAKE CRITICISM she should stop writing, because, unless she actually listens to people, her writing will ultimately suck.
When will you people accept that I actually know what I'm talking about-_- |
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wellmac00
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1627 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 03:36 PM |
| um it is insulting AND criticism, that's where your both wrong... |
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wellmac00
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2011 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 03:38 PM |
| But black your making a big deal... don't ask us what we think about it if you will whine if we didn't like it, I have met people who disliked Hunger Games, there are haters for every book, you shouldn't complain about them. |
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| 24 Nov 2012 04:52 PM |
I am a strong independent person. I have been completely rejected by friends and family because I am who I am. I don't need anyone to tell me what to do in life. This is a warning cold, stop posting on my threads. And to well-mac~ I can handle this. I know you are trying to help, but I how to handle people who need a chill pill. |
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wellmac00
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1627 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 05:49 PM |
| but I am just saying don't get TOO mad over someone's OPINION |
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| 24 Nov 2012 06:23 PM |
| Opinions mean everything to me. They make a person who they are. But sometimes, people's opinions go too far and hurt someone. |
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wellmac00
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| Joined: 26 Feb 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1627 |
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| 24 Nov 2012 06:32 PM |
| but you asked for opinions so you should have been ready for compliments and insulting opinions but nice chapter by the way |
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| 24 Nov 2012 07:50 PM |
| Yes, I accept criticism but I don't accept rude and hurtful criticism. I don't think being called a petty child is constructive, do you? |
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| 24 Nov 2012 08:16 PM |
*sigh*
I'm not gonna sugar coat this... At all...
"I am a strong independent person. I have been completely rejected by friends and family because I am who I am."
if you were completely rejected by friends and family, you wouldn't have BC. That costs real money, ya know...
"I don't need anyone to tell me what to do in life."
I gave you advice for your writing, and you rejected it completely. So let me just say it frank, your writing SUCKS and you need to improve it.
"This is a warning cold, stop posting on my threads."
What are you gonna do, cry? I can post on whatever I want, whenever I want, however i want. You don't own anything.
"I can handle this. I know you are trying to help, but I how to handle people who need a chill pill."
BAHAHAHAHA! You can't handle anything. All you do is throw a fit. And really? I need to take a chill pill? hypocrite much?
"Opinions mean everything to me."
THEN SHUT UP AND ACCEPT THEM!
"They make a person who they are. But sometimes, people's opinions go too far and hurt someone."
I never said anything that could possibly be offensive to you until you insulted me.
"Yes, I accept criticism"
BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh lord, that was good....
"but I don't accept rude and hurtful criticism."
Correction, you don't accept criticism pointing out flaws in your writing, because you're too conceited and egotistical to do so.
"I don't think being called a petty child is constructive, do you? "
Nope. Neither is "not even reading my comments" or accusing me of "following your posts around"
You wouldn't get called a child if you didn't act like one. Simple. As. That.
Do you understand yet? Or do I need to make my points even more clear to your ignorant mind? |
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| 24 Nov 2012 09:00 PM |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^reported!!!!!!! Lol. I didn't even read this comment. Hey but I sure read the hurtful parts! This guy is persistent I'll give him that.
HEY COLD! I GOTTA JOKE FOR YA!
How many children does it take to stand up to a bully? Just one strong little girl.
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