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Re: When The Sky Goes Dark: By: kiki1811

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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
23 Dec 2012 08:14 AM
Okay, so I am going to be making a new book, chapter by chapter. It is about two friends named Sapphire and Jessica, who try to hold onto their friendship for their last few days before the world comes to an end. Follow them on an adventure as they get past meteor showers, volcanic eruptions, mobs of people, and alot more. Enjoy!









Chapter 1:
Going Home
___________________________________________

"Hey, Sapphire, Wait up!" I heared a voice call me. I turned to see a scrawny girl with blonde hair and red highlights coming up to me. I stopped to let her catch up. "Hey, Jessy!" I said, smiling. Jessica and I had been friends since we were born. Our mom's even had us at almost exactly the same time, in the same hospital. We are so close that we are almost like sisters. "So, are you coming over tonight?" She said casually, though I could catch the edge of excitment in her voice. I groaned and said, "Don't I always come to your house on the weekends?". Jessica stopped walking. "Then does that mean that you are not going to come over?" She said, looking nervously at me. "I just meant that I never miss a weekend going to your house, so who says I'm not going today?" I said, which made her relax, so we continued walking to our houses. When we finally got there, the sun was setting. "Well, I'll see you at 8:00!" She shouted to me while crossing her lawn. I opened my front door and walked in, facing where the coats were hanged. I hung my fluffy purple coat up and went to the kitchen. I looked at the clock on the stove, only to see that it was already 6:00! At my school, we get out at 4:30, but I didn't think it would take us an hour and a half to get back home! "I was begining to get worried about you and Jessy." My mom said, frowning. I grabbed a cookie and said, "I didn't know we would take that long.". My mom continued to make the soup for dinner. I gulped down my milk and went upstairs to my room. I packed a bag of clothes, told my mom I was going to Jessy's house, and crossed my manicured lawn over to Jessica's house. I looked up at the sky, not knowing that this was the last time that things would be calm and peaceful.


In the next chapters, it will get more interesting. Please comment and I'll make the other chapter in, about, 30 minutes at the most. Thank you for reading!
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
23 Dec 2012 10:56 AM
Chapter 2:
Choas
____________________________

I knocked on the door of Jessica's house. Her mom answered and kindly let me in. I went straight to Jessica's room and dropped of my bag outside her door. I opened the door to her neon green room. She loved neon and fuzzy things. "Hey Jessy!" I said happily. "Hi Sapphire." She said as I say down on one of her giant, fuzzy sleeping bags. "Let's get this show on the road!" She said, tossing me a bag of chips. She turned on a zombie movie, as we ate our chips. Her mom brought us ham and cheese sandwiches, and soon after the movie was over, we fell asleep. It seemed as though only 10 minutes had passed, when I awoke to bangs outside. BOOM! CRASH! BOOM! I fell off the bean bag in a heap of blankets, only to see Jessica doing the same. When we finally got untangled, we ripped back the curtains from the window and instantly wished we hadn't. Outside, the sky was a dark red, and there were chunks of rock were coming down. We looked at eachother for a split moment, then rocketed down the hall to her parents room. Her parents were nowhere to be seen. Jessica smacked her head. "They said last night that they were going on a buisness trip tonight!" She yelled over the crashes outside. We were just leaving her parents room, when the house gave a sudden jerk. I flew through the air and hit the back wall, and everything went black.

(Just so you know, Sapphire is not dead. Comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!)
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
23 Dec 2012 11:46 AM
Chapter 3:
Nothing But Trees
______________________________

When I woke up, I saw trees all around me. I sat up and groaned, holding my head. It felt as if someone has taken a baseball bat and hit me in the back of the head. I looked around and saw the sky was a dark blue, almost black. There was me and Jessica's bags on the ground. I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned around and saw Jessica coming with another bag. "Oh my gosh, your okay." She said, her voice shaking. "What the heck is going on though?" I asked her, standing up unsteadily. "It looks like it's the end of the world out here." I said. Her eyes were big and scared. "Sapphire, I think it is." She said. She set the bag down and sat down with her back against a tree. "What do you mean it's the end of the world?" I said, sitting down beside her. She pulled some crackers out of the bag and began to eat them. "Well, when you hit your head on the wall, the sirens started going off that meant that there was an earthquake." She said, her voice shaking. Then she went into the story. After the sirens had went off, she turned on the TV to see what was going on. On the TV, it had reported that there were volcano's that were thought inactive erupting, earthquakes much worse than the one that had hit Jessica's house, animals just dropping dead, and alot of other disasters. "I took you out of my house because it was almost about to collapse. I didn't know where to go, so I just brought us to the forest. I've been going back and getting bags of clothes and food, just incase we have to stay somewhere for awhile." She finished, looking down at the wrapped of the crackers. Now I knew what forest we were in. This was the forest just a few miles south of town that they had brought tents to and camped with their parents. I stood up and said, "Well, we need to get more stuff then.". Jessica started saying how I needed to stay here, because I might have hurt my head. We finally agreeded that I would stay for ten minutes to gaurd the bags from coyotes, then I would come help her. She went off, and I opened the pocket where she had gotten crackers and pulled another package out. I opened it and slowly began to eat it, getting worried about Jessica. She said the house was almost collapsing, so what if it collapsed? Just when I was about to get up and look for her myself, she came back with two bags. "When the world is ending, you have to have Cheetos!" She said jokingly, pulling out a bag of Jalepeno Cheetos. She put them back in her bag and set the two bags by the other bags. "That should last us awhile!" She said triumphintly. She made a little pile of wood with stones around it. She took out a lighter and light the wood on fire. "There," She said, putting the lighter safely in a pocket of one of the bags. "Now we won't freeze.". She pulled out two sleeping bags and set them on the ground. "We'll go back and get tent's and stuff tomorrow." She said, yawning. We tied the bags to the tree branch above us to keep scavengers from getting them, and we laid in the sleeping bags, staring at the fire. We finally drifted into sleep.
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
23 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
Chapter 4:
New Sights
______________________

I woke up to Jessica prodding me in the side. "Sapphire, wake up. It's time to go get some more bags." She said in an urgent whisper. I yawned and got up. My head only hurt a small bit today. Much better than yesterday. We packed up the sleeping bags and put out the fire before we left. When we were done cleaning up the area, it looked as if no one had even been there. "Alright, let's go." I said, and off we went down the path, back to town. When we finally got to town about a half hour later, the scene was like nothing I had ever seen before. Most of the houses were collapsing, either from the earthquake, or cars running into them. There were a few on fire, spitting smoke into the air. The sirens were still going, but there was no one in sight. As we picked out way through the wreckage, I heard a shriek in the distance. When we finally got to our houses, they were unrecinizable. Jessica's house had collapsed completely, while mine looked on the brink of collapsing. The once manicured lawn was now coated in dust. I gulped and said, "Well, let's go in my house, then.". We caustiously went in the house. Everytime we set our foot down, the floorboards creaked and groaned. I went to my room, and gasped. The roof was saging down so much that we had to crawl to get in. We got 4 bags of clothes and food, and scrambled out. There was so much dust in there that we started coughing the moment we got outside. "Dang it! I forgot the tents!" I said. "Don't worry, I'll get them!" She said, running into the house. I waited, and after a few minutes I heard a horryfing sound of creaking and screaming. The house was collapsing!
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
23 Dec 2012 01:05 PM
Chapter 5:
Close call
______________________________

"Jessica!" I yelled, running through the wreckage. The screaming had stopped, making me even more frightened. I pushed through the debrees until I found a bag sticking out. I pushed the debrees away, and saw Jessica laying there, curled in a ball with one of the tent's covering her head from harm. I pulled her out and checked her wrist for a pulse. I felt a pulse and relaxed. She was okay! She groaned and weakly pushed the tent away from her face. "Next time... We go in together." Jessica muttered. Usually, that would have been funny. But, given the circumstances, it wasn't that funny. I pulled her up, put one of her arms over my shoulder, and began to go back to the area in the forest. When we finally got there, the sun was already going down. I pulled out a sleeping bag from one of the bags and carefully set her on it, then I pulled a tent out and began to set it up. Once I was finished, I stood back to look at my work. It was better than I had expected, for I had never put a tent up in my life. Behind me, I heard Jessica unzipping the bag. I turned around and saw her eating some Cheetos. "Maybe now is the best time to eat these." She said, popping one in her mouth. I crossed the grass and pulled one out of the bag. I laughed and said, "Maybe your right.". We carried the bags and sleeping bag into the tent and set it up. It looked just like it would have when we camped when we were little. Once we settled in, I asked her, "Are you okay?". "Well, I'm here with you, aren't I?" She said, eating another Cheeto. "Well, now we both can say we've had a near-death experience." I said, pulling a flashlight out of one of the bags. I looked through the bags, because I hadn't had the chance to. There were alot of clothes, two medical kits, a rope, a tool kit, food, water, cokes, books, magazines, and 4 notepads, each with their own pen. "Well," I said calmly. "Atleast we won't need anything for awhile!". We played hangman until the sun went down on the horizon. Another day had passed since they had been at Jessica's house for the sleepover. I wondered how many days we had left.
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StarFire289 is not online. StarFire289
Joined: 10 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 6339
23 Dec 2012 01:53 PM
Nice ^-^
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funstella is not online. funstella
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 32
23 Dec 2012 10:10 PM
you have me intrested please make more
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
24 Dec 2012 08:42 AM
Sorry that I didn't right a chapter for awhile! I got busy in RL! Well, here's chapter 6! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 6:
Dark Skies
________________________________________

I don't remember when we went to sleep that night, I just remember that it was a short time after I had that thought. When I woke up, I was utterly confused, for it was pitch black outside. It was as though I had only slept an hour, but I felt completely rested. I quietly pulled one bag over to look in it. After a few minutes, I found what I was looking for. A watch! I looked at the face of the watch and instantly threw it to the side. It said that it was noon on the watch! "Great," I grumbled. "The only watch we have has the wrong time.". Shortly after that, Jessica woke up. "Wha- Why are you awake so early?" She said, yawning. I shook my head and said, "Couldn't sleep.". She stretched and got out of her sleeping bag, walking over to the bags. She opened one of the pockets and pulled out a notepad and pen. "Maybe we should right down all the stuff that is happening." She said. "For future records, if there are future records.". "We can do that some other time." I said, pulling out cereal. "For now, let's eat breakfest.". We crawled out of the tent and sat by the fire. It was getting low, so I threw some sticks in. "Man," I heard Jessica say. "It's so dark I can't even see the moon!". She was right. It was darker than any night out here. I left the fire and looked up at the sky. What I saw surprised me. There was no moon or stars. Not even a cloud to cover them.
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
24 Dec 2012 10:59 AM
Chapter 7:
Rising Heat
____________________________

"Jessy, I think the watch in the tent is actually right." I gasped. She popped her head out from behind a tree where see was looking at the sky and asked, "What do you mean?". I went in the tent and grabbed the watch. I held it up for her to see. She smacked her head. "I forgot I packed that!" She groaned. "Of course it's the right time! It's the watch I wore all the time to school!". After she said that, I remembered how she would where it all the time to school. When I would ask her why she wore it, since there were clocks all over the school, she said, "Just in case.". Now I understand what she meant. "We need to go back to town." I said, trying to change the subject. The last thing we need to do is to get upset about all that's happening. "Good idea," Jessica said, coming back to the tent. "We could find a more suitable place for shelter.". I stood up and stretched. "Well, we better get going soon." I said, snatching up a bag. We packed all of our things and tents into the bags, at a quick meal of packaged hotdogs, and went on our way."Maybe there was a chance that we could live through this." I thought to myself as we walked down the road, to the town.


It may be starting to get boring, but things kick up at the town. Can't believe all the support I am getting from this!
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Coacoa100 is not online. Coacoa100
Joined: 10 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 128
24 Dec 2012 11:04 AM
I love this! It has just enough detail without going overboard. A lot of professional published books just make me confused because they either have too much detail or too little detail. I look forward to every chapter! Good job! Maybe this will even get published! :)
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
24 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
Chapter 8:
Back to town
________________________________________

I could see the town when we were a few miles back. It wasn't the town that Jessica and I had lived in, but a larger town. In the distance, you could faintly see smoke. We had reached the edge of town, when someone came around the corner of a building. It was a young child, about 4 ye.ars old. It stopped in it's tracks and ran back around the building. Me and Jessica exchanged a glance, when an older kid, probably 16, came around with a baseball bat. We were only 13, so we stepped back with our hands raised. "Who are you?" He asked, still keeping the baseball bat up. Jessica was the first to answer. "I am Jessica, and this is Sapphire. We just came to find a place to stay.". He eyed the both of us before he put the baseball bat down. "Follow me." He said, walking back around the edge of the building. Jessica and I exchanged another glance and followed him. There was a door to the building, hidden by the shadow of another building. We went in, and a surprising sight hit us. There were kids everywhere, from tiny infants to kids who were the same age as the kid that told us to follow him. There were sleeping bags and bags of clothes everywhere. Some kids were playing, while others slept or ate. They all instantly went quiet and stared at us as we passed by. "Go in there." He said, opening a door. Jessica and I slowly went in side. There was a hammok, an old desk, and a couple of bags on the floor. Behind the desk sat a teenager that looked like he was about 17. "Who are you? Where did you come from?" He asked as soon as we came in. He was staring at us suspiciously, as though he thought we came to steal his things. "My name's Sapphire, and this is Jessica. We were just looking for a place to stay in this town. We didn't mean to cause anyone any harm." I said meekly. He seemed to relax a little, but he still kept an eye on us. "Well, you couldn't have came to a better place. This is were all the kids whos parents either died or left them go." He said, writing something on his notepad. "You can stay here, as long as you promise not to hurt anyone here or steal.". Well, I thought we were going to just find a shelter and live with eachother and no one else. I looked sideways at Jessica, and she gave a small, tight nod of her head. "Okay, we'll stay." I said slowly
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kiki1811 is not online. kiki1811
Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 572
24 Dec 2012 08:10 PM
Chapter 9:
The Colonies
_____________________________

Okay, you can stay then, but there are a few rules." He said, looking up from the notepad. "First rule, don't kill, second rule, don't fight, third rule don't steal. That's about it." He shrugged. "There are sleeping bags in most of the closets, if you don't have one. You can go and pick any area that is open and set up there. If anyone steals your items, tell Jimmy, on the 3rd floor. Now, I was in the middle of something, so you better go." He said, turning his back to us in the chair. "Man, this kid sure was bossy." I thought to myself. "Almost like an adult.". When we reached the stairs, there was a map of the floors. There was a total of 13 floors, and over 100 different rooms. Someone had went through with marker and had labeled each room. It either said Someone's Name and office, classroom, lunchroom, or home areas. We went up to the seventh floor, where it wasn't so crowded, and set up our sleeping bags. We kept our bags close, though, just incase something happened or somebody tried to steal our bags. "Do you think we should really stay here?" I whispered to Jessica. She just nodded her head slowly. "I never thought there were this many kids in one town!" She whispered back. I never thought there were that many kids, either. We grew up in a small town were there were only about 200 kids in all. There had to be atleast 200 kids just on the first 3 floors of this place. It was like an orphanage. Jessica turned her back to me, going to sleep. After awhile, I fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about where in the world my parents would be in all of this mess.

Author's note:
_________________

Well, first I must say Merry Christmas since I won't be on here tomorrow. I also want to tell you that there is a good chance that I will be unable to post more chapters tomorrow. Sorry, spending family time during the holidays. Well, I hope you have enjoyed the book so far, and I hope you have a Very Merry Christmas!

~Kiki1811
~Author of When The Sky Goes Dark
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mageofpower is not online. mageofpower
Top 100 Poster
Joined: 01 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 43654
24 Dec 2012 08:49 PM
Heared isn't a word friend. Make a new paragraph when somebody speaks. Why do you begin the friend Jessica then call her Jessy. I get it's short for Jessica but it seems random. Personal preference but lines like, little did I know this would be the last time things would be peaceful are corny and don't create suspense.

Who names a child Sapphire? Could you please explain what they did at the house a bit more. It seems to fly by. We ate chips, watched a movie, had sandwiches and fell asleep. It's really rushed. Oh and why do you feel the need to tell us the main character isn't dead. We sort of get it.

Dammit! Paragraphs! Use them! They seem to be taking the end of the world rather calmly. "Oh no! What's going on?" "Oh, just the end of the world!" (Insert laughtrack.) Agreeded is not a word. Two chips would not provide the food needed to survive.

Okay, I lost interest at this point. So I am not going to rant about the other chapters. (They aren't really chapters however.)
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Coacoa100 is not online. Coacoa100
Joined: 10 Oct 2009
Total Posts: 128
26 Dec 2012 11:18 AM
@Mageofpower,
What sensitivity. You know, you could be nice. I didn't find anything wrong with her story except a few spelling and grammer mistake.

"Who names a child Sapphire?"
>For your information sir, I have a best friend named Sapphire.

All I mean is, be nice. You don't have to be rude.
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spiffhey is not online. spiffhey
Joined: 01 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1492
29 Dec 2012 09:39 AM
Stories :P
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funstella is not online. funstella
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 32
29 Dec 2012 06:36 PM
omg it's so epic I'm like so interested
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spiffhey is not online. spiffhey
Joined: 01 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1492
29 Dec 2012 07:37 PM
Noob.
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funstella is not online. funstella
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 32
29 Dec 2012 10:33 PM
ik you are
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spiffhey is not online. spiffhey
Joined: 01 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1492
30 Dec 2012 08:59 AM
@Fun

Your an oder

Shut up.
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spiffhey is not online. spiffhey
Joined: 01 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1492
30 Dec 2012 11:06 AM
This is dumb.

:P

Sound dude!
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funstella is not online. funstella
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 32
04 Jan 2013 11:11 PM
Hey guess what don't care never did so leave me be
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funstella is not online. funstella
Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 32
04 Jan 2013 11:41 PM
Oh and BTW why are you here then no leave me alone before I make you cry
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PlutonianShore is not online. PlutonianShore
Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 2204
05 Jan 2013 11:11 AM
Half - decent. It's generic and it has several ortho - gramatical mistakes. The story is just bleak, and the characters are awful. But, at least it's not the Hunger Games.
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spiffhey is not online. spiffhey
Joined: 01 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1492
05 Jan 2013 01:08 PM
@Fun

Shut up I can hack.
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PlutonianShore is not online. PlutonianShore
Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 2204
05 Jan 2013 03:50 PM
The only way I hack is YOU into PIECES.

-Michael Swaim-
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