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Re: The rise of the Rykars

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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
19 Dec 2012 05:23 PM
*Backstory*
Rykar city was your home town. You used to live there, but now it is long behind you. You are on a train to London. Hours before you were on a plane to England. You arrived in Manchester airport, where you went to the train station and, here you are! But something doesn't feel right. You look in your luggage. You remembered to pack all your stuff... Or did you? You looked trough your suitcase. A watch, clothes, a bloody dagger-- wait, a bloody dagger? That wasn't there when you packed. Suddenly, in a different carriage of the train, the panic strted. A blood covered body lay on the floor, with multiple stab wounds. The staff of the train come around checking everyones luggage. When they get to you, you sit there frozen your suitcase wide open and the dagger in your hands. But you know it wasnt you. You had been framed! You are thrown in jail for murder for 3 years. You must find a way out. You must find a way back to rykar city!
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styledog is not online. styledog
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 1512
19 Dec 2012 05:24 PM
Any CS?
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
19 Dec 2012 05:30 PM
<~CS~>
n@me: Daniels Ryder.
@ge: 14
Personality: Friendly if I know you, mean, can be bossy
Items: a stone knife, a picture of my best friend, a map of Rykar City.
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picklebuddy7321 is not online. picklebuddy7321
Joined: 23 Jul 2012
Total Posts: 1727
20 Dec 2012 10:01 AM
<~CS~>
n@me: Leo Tyler
@ge: 17
Personality: Friendly, doesnt like to be the center of attention.
Apperence: 6"4, fair hair, blue eyes
Items:Nothing, they took every thing off me.
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
20 Dec 2012 10:10 AM
( I forgot to add my appearance.)
Appearance: 4"2, blonde hair that falls over my left eye (I have a scar there), black and grey sneakers, green nike hoodie, blue jeans
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
20 Dec 2012 06:38 PM
I lay on a metal bed in my prison cell. I've been her for 5 weeks now, and I've always noticed a boy in the cell opisate to mine. I've never talked to him. There was no need to. I sat up and took a pic out of my hoodie Pocket. It was of my best friend back in Rykar City.
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styledog is not online. styledog
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 1512
21 Dec 2012 04:56 PM
n@me: Drey Harth
@ge: 17
Personality: Friendly.But when agitated is REALY RUDE!
Apperence: 6"4, Blondish brown hair.light skin
Items:Stone knife.Lockpick(That i made)


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awesomehayden123 is not online. awesomehayden123
Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 9497
21 Dec 2012 05:03 PM
A little critique for new rolplayers.
1. Your grammar is not the best. Capitalization and punctuation are a problem, too. The title should be "The Rise of the Rykars". You also are not capitalizing the second word of a proper noun, such as Rykar City.
2.The idea is a little bit overused. Popular ideas that people like are country roleplays, superheroes are becoming popular, and steampunk is always good.
3.The rules... they're not there. It's like saying, "Here, do what you want, rob houses, set fires, counterfeit money." to a bunch of random people. You need rules like this:
-Follow ROBLOX rules
-Mild cursing
-Little/no romance
-No ubering, godmodding, etc.
-You must be accepted to rp.
-I can add rules.
4. The story isn't very thick. It's like opening a novel that's realy a short story that looks like a novel because the print size is big.
5. The character sheets aren't very detailed. They should be something like this:
Name:
A.ge:
Gender:
Appearance:
Personality:
Bio:
Fears:
Weaknesses:
Strengths:
Disabilities:
Other:

Other than that, I think you can be a great roleplayer one day!
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
22 Dec 2012 04:15 AM
Er... Thanks for the advice... I guess... And CS's accepted :)
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trip1985 is not online. trip1985
Joined: 22 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 57
22 Dec 2012 11:35 AM
N@me - Rythian Caper
@ge - 17
Personality - unfriendly, even to friends
Appearance - dirty-blonde hair, light freckles on cheeks, has a red and White cap on, light blue eyes and 5"3
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trip1985 is not online. trip1985
Joined: 22 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 57
22 Dec 2012 02:10 PM
oH< I forgot to say that he has a blood covered mark on the left side of his face.
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trip1985 is not online. trip1985
Joined: 22 Nov 2012
Total Posts: 57
22 Dec 2012 04:37 PM
On the left side of his head, i meant to say.
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
22 Dec 2012 05:34 PM
CS accepted :)
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
22 Dec 2012 05:35 PM
Read this: http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=71084642
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
22 Dec 2012 05:59 PM
i'm not ready a newbies guide to Role playing ._. I'm a god role player, and i'm NOT a noob. i don't need any of your advice.
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
22 Dec 2012 05:59 PM
Reading*, good*
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diana1 is not online. diana1
Joined: 10 May 2008
Total Posts: 1788
22 Dec 2012 06:09 PM
Name: Alicindra Remolt
A.ge: 15
Gender: Female
Appearance: 4"11, light brown eyes, chin-length black hair and a long diagonal scar on her stomach.
Personality: Timid yet arrogant at times and kind with purpose.
Items: A small four-pointed star pin.
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
22 Dec 2012 06:20 PM
Your loss.

This RP is crap.
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Supermariomania is not online. Supermariomania
Joined: 31 Jul 2009
Total Posts: 9028
22 Dec 2012 06:27 PM
I'm sorry, but I'd say take Purely's advice and read through the text. It's quick and will make your RPing a WHOLE lot better.
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styledog is not online. styledog
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 1512
23 Dec 2012 07:31 AM
Drey


I finish making my lockpick.I make sure no guards are looking and i stick my arm outside the cell and try to pick it.It snaps.I start cursing and everybody hears me.A guard comes over and thinks i'm going crazy so he cuffs me and puts me back in the cell.When he's walking away i take the shattered remains of my pick.I put it in my right hand and try to unlock the cuffs."YES!" I scream when they openanother guard comes over.I force my hands through the bars and strangle him by wrapping the handcuffs around his neck 3 times.
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
23 Dec 2012 07:40 AM
Daniels.
I look over to another boy's cell. It appears that he has strangled a guard and broke free... Somehow... "Hey!" I call over to him. "How'd you eecape?"
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styledog is not online. styledog
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 1512
23 Dec 2012 02:41 PM
(Are you aware i am not out of the cell?)
Drey


I pull the body into my cell and hide it under my bed.Another guard comes by and sees blood on the floor.Luckily he shrugs and walks away.
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tommycarver2077 is not online. tommycarver2077
Joined: 30 May 2012
Total Posts: 2118
24 Dec 2012 03:59 AM
(Um... No, I am not...)
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awesomehayden123 is not online. awesomehayden123
Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 9497
24 Dec 2012 09:41 AM
I did offer you a fair amount of advice myself, but I seriously sugget looking at PurelyRandom's thread.

All people with the power to create use Apple... People with jobs use PC.
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styledog is not online. styledog
Joined: 05 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 1512
24 Dec 2012 10:03 AM
Drey

I take the keys out of the dead guards pocket and stretch my arms outside the bars.I fumble around looking for the keyhole.I find it and stuff the key into vigourously.I turn with all my might and open my door. i then run back in and grab a dead guards gun.
I then run over to all the other prisoners and unlock the cells.
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