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Re: Nightfall...

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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
17 Dec 2012 06:16 AM
Nightfall has finally risen. It was pitch black, covered in thick mist. My vision were a little murky. The path I gone to soon led to an end. "I'm loss." I whispered to myself. Slowly I began to walk further and further into straight nothingness. *Snap!* I heard some twigs a not far away. "Hello? Is anybody there?" I guess I must have overreacted, I thought. "Hehehehehe...." I froze. Struggling back for freedom, I somehow manage to run. Exhaustedly, I desperately gasps for some air. Being totally alarmed, I scanned my surroundings. I quickly notice a cabin, not too far, up a steep hill. "Finally!" I said. "Some help." I began to walk up the hill. As my journey continued, I began to feel the chills. There it was. An old log cabin. "I wonder if anyone lives here?" I whispered. Slowly, I began to approach the cabin. *Squeak!* goes the stairs. Hmm... This place sure seems deserted. I walk up a little further, reaching the door. Slowly and carefully, I reached for the knob. Twisting it, I manage to open the door. *Screeaak!* As soon as the door opened, I was hit. I stumbled backwards, falling down the stairs. Trying to regain my consciousness, I was able to see, but not so clearly. "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I broke out, with a quick burst. "Hehehehe...." There was it again. That voice. It gave me the chills. Not able to see clearly, I manage to look at it. It was a tall man. With a business suit? Tentacles came out from his back as he lifted me up. He's hands were surprisingly warm. What are those? He or it, had a lot. Five, six, seven, ten, there was too much. Strangling me tightly, I began to swing wildly. More tentacles came out. Grabbing my legs firmly. Looking straight into my eyes, it's like he's staring into my soul. He had no face, or mouth to laugh with. Suddenly, I was slammed. Breaking a few ribs, I tried to stand. Laughing as I tried, he kick me back down. Covered in mud, blood coming from my mouth, I felt weak. "Is this the end of my life?" *Bark!* *Bark!* I heard dogs. Lights appeared everywhere. "Police!" Sirens were heard. "We got a survivor!" That tall man was gone. Had they not see? As I open my eyes, I was in class, sleeping. "What the..." I whispered softly.
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evilpuffle is not online. evilpuffle
Joined: 10 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 11620
17 Dec 2012 06:22 AM
Nice novel chapter you've got there..,
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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
17 Dec 2012 06:25 AM
Thanks, if only I could write like this in Language Arts/English Class, but whatever.
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MrAssist is not online. MrAssist
Joined: 03 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 1378
18 Dec 2012 12:31 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
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imthegreaseguy is not online. imthegreaseguy
Joined: 21 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 1701
18 Dec 2012 12:36 AM
Nicely written.
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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
18 Dec 2012 06:34 AM
Thanks.
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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
18 Dec 2012 06:40 AM
I appreciate your kindness, really. I made this out of boredom, also when I read some people's stories on RT.
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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
20 Dec 2012 04:51 AM
OLOY.
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brickwalker is not online. brickwalker
Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 42942
20 Dec 2012 04:57 AM
WORDWALL
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jameswizard8 is not online. jameswizard8
Joined: 24 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5405
20 Dec 2012 05:14 AM
I wanted to revise your very short story. (Also, there really wasn't a need to say 'whisper to myself' as it's from the characters perspective).

Nightfall has finally risen. There was no light at all. My vision was slightly murky, ruining my field of view. I decided to walk straight through a path after I could see somewhat more clearly. Shortly after, I hit an end. I must be lost. Slowly I began to walk further and further into the dark. *Snap!* I heard some twigs not far away. "Hello? Is anybody there?"

I guess I must have overreacted, I thought. A voice quietly giggled, "Hehehehehe....". I froze, startled. I struggled a little, and made a dash. I desperately gasped for air exhaustedly. Being totally alarmed, I scanned my surroundings. I quickly notice a cabin, not too far, up a steep hill. "Finally!" I said. "Some help." I began to walk up the hill. As I walked towards the cabin, I began to feel the chills. There it was. An old log cabin. I think someone lives here. Slowly, I began to approach the cabin. *Squeak!* goes the stairs. Hmm... This place sure seems deserted. I walk up a little further, reaching the door. Slowly and carefully, I reached for the knob. Twisting it, and I slowly and slightly open the door. *Screeaak!* As soon as the door opened, I was hit. I stumbled backwards, falling down the stairs. Trying to regain my stability, I was able to see, but not so clearly. "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I yelled. "Hehehehe...." went the giggling humanoid.

There was it again. That voice. It gave me the chills. Not able to see clearly, I manage to look at it. It was a tall man. With a business suit? Tentacles came out from his back as he lifted me up. He's hands were surprisingly warm. What are those? He or it, had a lot. Five, six, seven, ten, there was too much. Strangling me tightly, I began to swing wildly. More tentacles came out. Grabbing my legs firmly. Looking straight into my eyes, it's like he's staring into my soul. He had no face, or mouth to laugh with. Suddenly, I was slammed. Breaking a few ribs, I tried to stand. Laughing as I tried, he kicked me back down. Covered in splinters, blood coming from my mouth, I felt weak. Is this how I die? *Bark!* *Bark!* I heard dogs. Lights appeared everywhere. "Police!" Sirens were heard. "We got a survivor!" That tall man was gone. Had they not seen? As I open my eyes, I was in class, sleeping. "What the..." I whispered softly.

Can't let you do that, Starfox!
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SN1P3R3D is not online. SN1P3R3D
Joined: 10 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 30891
20 Dec 2012 05:17 AM
Lol what? I don't even know how to write a story, I'm a beginner. Thanks for the corrections, though.
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