SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
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| 17 Dec 2012 06:16 AM |
| Nightfall has finally risen. It was pitch black, covered in thick mist. My vision were a little murky. The path I gone to soon led to an end. "I'm loss." I whispered to myself. Slowly I began to walk further and further into straight nothingness. *Snap!* I heard some twigs a not far away. "Hello? Is anybody there?" I guess I must have overreacted, I thought. "Hehehehehe...." I froze. Struggling back for freedom, I somehow manage to run. Exhaustedly, I desperately gasps for some air. Being totally alarmed, I scanned my surroundings. I quickly notice a cabin, not too far, up a steep hill. "Finally!" I said. "Some help." I began to walk up the hill. As my journey continued, I began to feel the chills. There it was. An old log cabin. "I wonder if anyone lives here?" I whispered. Slowly, I began to approach the cabin. *Squeak!* goes the stairs. Hmm... This place sure seems deserted. I walk up a little further, reaching the door. Slowly and carefully, I reached for the knob. Twisting it, I manage to open the door. *Screeaak!* As soon as the door opened, I was hit. I stumbled backwards, falling down the stairs. Trying to regain my consciousness, I was able to see, but not so clearly. "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I broke out, with a quick burst. "Hehehehe...." There was it again. That voice. It gave me the chills. Not able to see clearly, I manage to look at it. It was a tall man. With a business suit? Tentacles came out from his back as he lifted me up. He's hands were surprisingly warm. What are those? He or it, had a lot. Five, six, seven, ten, there was too much. Strangling me tightly, I began to swing wildly. More tentacles came out. Grabbing my legs firmly. Looking straight into my eyes, it's like he's staring into my soul. He had no face, or mouth to laugh with. Suddenly, I was slammed. Breaking a few ribs, I tried to stand. Laughing as I tried, he kick me back down. Covered in mud, blood coming from my mouth, I felt weak. "Is this the end of my life?" *Bark!* *Bark!* I heard dogs. Lights appeared everywhere. "Police!" Sirens were heard. "We got a survivor!" That tall man was gone. Had they not see? As I open my eyes, I was in class, sleeping. "What the..." I whispered softly. |
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| 17 Dec 2012 06:22 AM |
| Nice novel chapter you've got there.., |
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SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 30891 |
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| 17 Dec 2012 06:25 AM |
| Thanks, if only I could write like this in Language Arts/English Class, but whatever. |
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MrAssist
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| Joined: 03 Jun 2012 |
| Total Posts: 1378 |
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SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 30891 |
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SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 30891 |
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| 18 Dec 2012 06:40 AM |
| I appreciate your kindness, really. I made this out of boredom, also when I read some people's stories on RT. |
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SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 30891 |
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| 20 Dec 2012 05:14 AM |
I wanted to revise your very short story. (Also, there really wasn't a need to say 'whisper to myself' as it's from the characters perspective).
Nightfall has finally risen. There was no light at all. My vision was slightly murky, ruining my field of view. I decided to walk straight through a path after I could see somewhat more clearly. Shortly after, I hit an end. I must be lost. Slowly I began to walk further and further into the dark. *Snap!* I heard some twigs not far away. "Hello? Is anybody there?"
I guess I must have overreacted, I thought. A voice quietly giggled, "Hehehehehe....". I froze, startled. I struggled a little, and made a dash. I desperately gasped for air exhaustedly. Being totally alarmed, I scanned my surroundings. I quickly notice a cabin, not too far, up a steep hill. "Finally!" I said. "Some help." I began to walk up the hill. As I walked towards the cabin, I began to feel the chills. There it was. An old log cabin. I think someone lives here. Slowly, I began to approach the cabin. *Squeak!* goes the stairs. Hmm... This place sure seems deserted. I walk up a little further, reaching the door. Slowly and carefully, I reached for the knob. Twisting it, and I slowly and slightly open the door. *Screeaak!* As soon as the door opened, I was hit. I stumbled backwards, falling down the stairs. Trying to regain my stability, I was able to see, but not so clearly. "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" I yelled. "Hehehehe...." went the giggling humanoid.
There was it again. That voice. It gave me the chills. Not able to see clearly, I manage to look at it. It was a tall man. With a business suit? Tentacles came out from his back as he lifted me up. He's hands were surprisingly warm. What are those? He or it, had a lot. Five, six, seven, ten, there was too much. Strangling me tightly, I began to swing wildly. More tentacles came out. Grabbing my legs firmly. Looking straight into my eyes, it's like he's staring into my soul. He had no face, or mouth to laugh with. Suddenly, I was slammed. Breaking a few ribs, I tried to stand. Laughing as I tried, he kicked me back down. Covered in splinters, blood coming from my mouth, I felt weak. Is this how I die? *Bark!* *Bark!* I heard dogs. Lights appeared everywhere. "Police!" Sirens were heard. "We got a survivor!" That tall man was gone. Had they not seen? As I open my eyes, I was in class, sleeping. "What the..." I whispered softly.
Can't let you do that, Starfox! |
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SN1P3R3D
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| Joined: 10 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 30891 |
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| 20 Dec 2012 05:17 AM |
| Lol what? I don't even know how to write a story, I'm a beginner. Thanks for the corrections, though. |
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