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Re: I'm Sorry Is Too Simple (Edited, Organized,+End chapter)

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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
10 Sep 2012 07:12 PM
His palms were pressed flat against the glass; the splatter of rain hitting the window was the only noise he focused on despite the soft muttering coming from downstairs. He leaned in forward so the tip of his nose was touching the glass. The reflection of his eyes filled up his sight; such a delicate green they were. The droplets of water made it seemed scattered and unclear. His father always joked about his pupils since they spread out like a compass. ‘You’ll always know which path to follow.’ He would say. Sometimes, he liked to believe that was true. Other times it seemed a little silly. His head turned to the side, his cheek now touching the smooth surface. The feeling spreading from his face made him tense up a bit, although, it soon had a strange warming feeling to it, almost like a stinging sensation.

His eyes drifted off down below, he could just barely see the leg of the rocking chair disappearing and reappearing from the porch. It was his mother’s favourite place to sit when it was raining. Sometimes she would sit him on her lap and watch the rainfall with him. She would say that the droplets had been all over the world; each of them was distinct and unique. One may have been from Europe at one point; another may have been to Asia. He always liked that; it made the world seemed so much closer in his eyes. His mother would tell him how much she loved the smell that the aftermath of rain would leave, that musky and grassy kind. He wondered if she knew it was raining or if maybe it was she rocking the porch chair and not the wind.

The sound of a creaking door brought his attention to reality once again, he took his face off from the glass and quickly stood up straight for whoever it was. A man with a bright face entered, his brown hair just falling over the tops of his blue eyes. He was very tall compared to the little lad. Of course the boy recognized this man as his father, Christian. As he walked in he was pulling on a long raincoat, his hat further pushing his hair towards his eyes.
“Hey Archos, I’m going to go visit mom, you sure you don’t wanna come?” He got down on both knees so he could properly face him. It was a bit sad really; his father was still taller than him even through he was half his original height. He frowned, fumbling with his fingers as he looked down at the ground. Christian chuckled and ruffled his brown hair, which he had nicknamed ‘Chocolate swirls’ due to the milk chocolate colour and some random strands curling inwards.

“Hey, afterwards we can go all go out for ice cream.” His father’s smile was soft and his eyes twinkled, white flecks appearing on his irises. Archos looked up, eyelids falling down halfway at the inevitable joke.
“Chocolate ice cream. Eh? Eh?” He extended his thumb upwards and his index finger, making guns as he winked. All Archos did was stare at him, a bit disappointed.
“Whatever, where’d your humour go?” He felt something wrap around his chest. His father hugged him and pulled him forward, affectionate nuggies were given despite his son’s objection. After a few minutes he propped his son upwards again and straightened out his hair.
“I know you’re upset, just try and be a little cheerful, okay? You have your brothers and me. We’re not gonna leave you just yet.”

----------------------------

The tips of his black shoes scratched against the grey concrete as he swung back and forth on the wooden rocking chair. He laid his left hand on his lap, using the free one to hold an open umbrella over his head. While he was safely protected due to the porch roof overhead he decided to keep it open so he could leave right away. His eyes stared forward at the rain rattling just in front of the porch, the musky smell wafting around him. He took a breath, taking in the senses that the weather delivered. The roar of a white van interrupted his enjoyment, splashing water onto his lawn as it zoomed pass. His eyelids fell to the middle as his brows flattened; they quickly returned to normal when a familiar figure started to come down the sidewalk.

Her name was Darcy. She stood in front of his driveway, the sleeves of her black and purple blotted hoodie covering her hands completely. Over her head was a cyan umbrella; one of the wires seemed to be broken as part of the fabric pressed inwards. Two pieces of her black hair were pulled out from the hood, the ends twirling into subtle curls. Although, to him, her eyes were always how he knew it was she. They were a deep and magnificent blue. He never understood why her bang always had to cover one of them.

“Hey! You coming or you pretty okay sitting in your chair for old men?”
Then again, perhaps her personality was better for identification. He placed his feet onto the porch and pushed himself up onto his legs. For some reason, he kept looking from the ground to his friend. He stepped down onto the small set of stairs, each time making a small little clacking sound. Once again, his eyes looked up to her. Archos failed to notice there wasn’t another step in front of him and fell forward, putting his other foot down just in time to catch himself. A chuckle drifted into his ears from a distance that lead back to Darcy. She turned her head towards the end of the sidewalk once their eyes met, throwing her hand forward as an implication to follow.

He ran to catch up with her, the wind almost pulling his umbrella inside out. She barely inched along the sidewalk before he finally slowed his pace as he approached her. They stood beside each other, Darcy stepping up her speed to match his. Now as they walked everything seemed so quiet. He fumbled around with the black sleeve of his jacket, one that was a little too long for him. As he fixed the cuff he couldn’t help but lift an eye up to look at his friend. Sometimes he sat down and thought about why she exactly went after him for a friendship, her beauty certainly gave her the opportunity to befriend more popular people, so why him? He was, well, for lack of a better term, a bit of a dork. Though, he never completely thought of a reason for his other friend as well, Danny. Not that he spent nights thinking about his friends or anything.
Suddenly the handle of his umbrella slipped upwards in is palm, drops of rain splashing against his cheek. The droplets slid down, leaving a red mark behind them. If he was to be honest, the sudden action almost made him jump. As he whipped his head back he noticed that Darcy had leaned in towards him.
“Look Archy, you gotta stop zoning out. I don’t want to come back next time and see that you’re a totally attention impaired zombie who just stares at people.” She grinned, her lips spreading open to reveal her teeth. That nickname, his brows furrowed as it merely escaped from her mouth. It was a really silly name, one you would give to a pet. Yet, he never stopped her from saying it or argued with her about it. She loved that sobriquet so dearly; she had kept it ever since they first met. Or maybe, just maybe, he found the name a bit endearing, although that was a very big maybe.

“You think Danny is even awake yet? God knows he sleeps in for a hell of a long time.” He looked up at her to see her rolling her eyes at the thought before landing them back down at him. He hesitated, picking out the words he could make out after his distraction. The left corner of his mouth turned downward as he merely shrugged
“I think this would be one of the times he would bother to wake early. It isn’t like him to just forget about things like this.” He said before turning his head forward again. His eyes squinted, maybe today would have been suitable for boots.
“Also, I do not think ‘Hell’ is a reasonable synonym for ‘quite.’” His head jolted forward as soon as he had finished his sentence; the tip of his hat pushed forward, covering his sight from above. He practically ran three steps ahead of him before halting himself on the sidewalk. With his head still staring at the concrete he watched as two pairs of shoes passed by his vision.
“Screw you and your grammar.” She followed this with a chuckle. He propped himself up straight and pushed his hat back. A sigh escaped from him as his fingers curled inwards. Even so, he ran after her.

The rest of trip was made up of silent pauses broken up by banter. Suddenly, after a bit more walking, Darcy halted in her steps. He walked forward before noticing the missing sound of another pair of shoes hitting the asphalt. With both hands now curled tightly around the umbrella handle he turned to look at her, his left eyebrow lifted. Her expressive round eyes were squinting; she leaned forward and got on the tops of her toes. It was quite obvious where she was looking now; he turned around to follow her line of sight when his eyes were met with the colour grey. He looked up to see a pair of amber eyes on top of a warm skin tone glaring down at him. The young man wore nothing to protect himself from the rain other than his hoodie; he had pulled the hood over his head and left it relatively loose, although his hair was hidden beneath. Archos stepped back, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with how tall Danny was. His attire and height were possibly the quickest way to identify him. With both hands stuffed in his pockets Danny looked up and walked over to Darcy.
“Where were you guys going?” His head seemed to bob slightly with each word as he added an emphasis on the ‘where’, finally lifting both eyebrows once he had finished what he was saying. She let her feet fall down flat before tilting her head a bit to look at him.
“To meet you, dumbass.” She said with a smile.
“Mhm, yeah, sure, I completely don’t remember you saying that I should go find you guys when I felt like it.” He took one hand out of his pocket, revealing a fist with one finger pointed at her. She looked at him with slimmed eyes and wrapped her hand around his. Almost immediately she pulled away.
“Jesus! You’re freezing. Why are you just wearing a hoodie if you’re like that?”
“I’m not actually cold. It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s just a bit of wind.” With that he turned away from her and walked up beside Archos. He quickly began following him after he passed by. While there were two pairs now making sound, he could tell Darcy was waiting behind. She certainly wasn’t angry, if anything, she was devising a plan; one that he hoped not to be part of.

He then turned his head upwards to look at Danny. His eyes would never even look down. Perhaps he was annoyed at the confrontation. One of his hands released from the handle and lay limp at his side. He lifted his arm up and slightly pushed it to the left, trying to get Danny underneath it as well. The hand he had previously used to scold Darcy grabbed the umbrella and pushed it back to him. He never understood why but he would never accept his help. Tutoring was about the only exception with him and even that was a bit of a stretch. Another pair of shoes joined in on the duo as Darcy quickly returned.

“Wow, slow down there guys or I’ll have to submit you to the Olympic running events. There won’t even be a path once you’re done with it.” He felt something press flat against his back, pushing him forward. His arms retracted back as he kept them folded in front of his chest. Immediately he applied pressure to his heels in an attempt to stop himself from moving. Her strength was much greater than his, causing him to trip backwards. Two arms shot out from behind and wrapped around his chests. He looked down at his feet, the back of his heels now touching the ground.
“Don’t even try Archy, seriously. You’re too clumsy to handle this.” Oh god.
No.
No no.
These were her arms, why did he not realize it sooner? Her fingers clutched onto the fabric of his shirt tightly, it was almost as if he could feel her fingers jabbing through. This was much too tight of a hug. Much too close.

His eye drifted upwards to just barely catch a glimpse at his friend’s expression. His brows flat and eyes dull. Oh, if only that was the case. He was smirking. The embarrassment of the whole situation built inside of him and ran through out his cheeks.
“You getting up? I can drag you like this if you’re cool with it. Except, you know, it’s kind of raining.” His eyes opened a tiny bit wider as he immediately stood up straight, smoothing out the wrinkles on his overcoat. Proper gentleman, proper man, proper person, and proper you are not. It just buzzed through his head continuously. He brought up his free arm and clutched the handle of his umbrella.
“I... I apologize for that.”
“Why? You tripped, who cares. We’re almost there anyway.” She shrugged, her figure passing him by. Danny had remained quite the entire time, only giving him a soft nudge with his elbow as he followed suit.
Wait, why?

[What do you guys think of the new paragraphs? Is the writing a tad more interesting? Is it better to hear Archos' thoughts? Does it make him more relatable? How are the characters, do they seem fake?
Please provide feedback! Pretty desperate to hear some proper criticism!]
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
10 Sep 2012 07:38 PM
is this title too long

test
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TAYtayisGR8 is not online. TAYtayisGR8
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 5193
10 Sep 2012 07:39 PM
I like it

but they seem

a little bit...

plastic

NOTICE: This is not Sauron, this abomination is known as the Mouth of Sauron. It is his title because he represents his Lord Sauron. The Mouth of Sauron is also known as the Lieutenant of Barad-dûr who belonged to the race of the Black Númenóreans.
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
10 Sep 2012 07:43 PM
do elaborate

plz elaborate i rly need the improvment qq
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
16 Sep 2012 05:56 PM
fffffffffffffff

i just realized

that i haven't even bothered to describe the environment

giraffe y u do dis to yourself
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
24 Nov 2012 05:21 PM
CHAPTER 2-

The rattling of the rain lingered in their ears as they huddled inside a slowly shrinking home. Somewhere in the corners he could still feel the presence of his childhood; the two of them taunting him jokingly, the past sessions of tutoring, and the quiet words of comfort whispered to him with hugs of reassurance. Everything once moved slowly only to jolt alive at the very moment he wished for it to freeze.

He felt his arms squeeze his legs tighter, pulling them towards his chest in a longing hug. The silent mourning over the death of previous lives was broken by a boisterous voice.
“Man, this tree house sure got crappy fast. Who built this wall anyway? The boards are crooked.” Her fingers traced the outline of one of the boards. It subtly turned downwards. Danny fumbled with his hoodie strings. They remained uneven at both sides.
“It was probably you, when was the time you nailed something properly?” A smirk rose to the corner of his mouth, it teased at going completely flat.
“What about you? I don’t think you ever nailed anything straight.”
The words hung in the air for a moment. The teasing stopped as his mouth finally drew a flat line. His back slid back down the wall.
“I got nothin’” He said “I could make a wood joke but then I’d be sinking a bit lower than what was dished out.”

“God,” Darcy breathed out the words from inside “I can’t believe we’ve grown up this much. I mean it doesn’t even feel like I should be out of the sixth grade yet. If I’m not careful I might blink my eyes and be middle aged with two kids.”
“Feel sorry for the guy who has ‘em with you.” Darcy leaned towards the face hidden beneath the hood. With an open palm she pushed his head roughly against the wall, making a hollow thump. Archos watched them both. His head sank lower, slowly getting engulfed by his arms propped up front. When Darcy plopped herself beside him she lifted his hat up a tad before taking it off completely. None of the emerald compasses found their way to her blue eyes.

“Something wrong, Achy?” She inquired, her face pushed in front of him, her smile now turning into arch. An answer formed inside of his throat, waiting to be released from the gates of his lips. It was intricate, descriptive, and would surely impress the few ears in distance, although, those words were not ushered.
“No.” He replied.
No, that’s not what he wanted to say.
“If you’re sure.” Her sentence trailed off, wandering about until Danny caught it.
“Then I guess we should change the subject, huh?” He said. “Like who thought it would be a great idea to sit in a tree house while it rained?” Suddenly, he swung his arm in the air, threatening to hit the quiet boy in front of him. He extended a finger and placed it on his chin.
“Ah, that would Mr. Achy Breaky Heart, wasn’t it?” Archos gently bit his lower lip in response. He never knew much about music in general, although he doubted he was alive when that song sung by a man cloaked in a mullet was popular. Or perhaps it was never even popular at all. What was important was that this time the words made it out of the confinements of his mind. Unfortunately, they were not as well developed and engaging as the first.
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
01 Dec 2012 02:36 PM
(basically im not going to finish this
have one more thing)


“I just assumed it would be nice to have at least one nostalgia trip before going through a big change.” He muttered. While this was a factor that ended up convincing him to suggest it in the first place, it was not the whole reason to it. Even the owner of the thought, however, denied part two. He decided against even implying it and locked it inside a cage. When the time was right, he thought about releasing it.
“Right, because nobody ever feels like crap when they’re reminded of past stuff. Look at this” He hit the floor beneath him. “Why would this ever even be an achievement?”
“Lay off, would you?” Commented Darcy. “We don’t need to start a fight right now, it would be better if we could just chill, alright?”

They all sat together for a little while longer. It was a peaceful bit of time, one that none of them really cherished or thought of. In a few moments away Danny standing up and walking away would break it. Darcy immediately got up and went after him, slowing her steps down as she passed the still huddled body of Acheros.
“Hey, let’s get going. Maybe a little walk will make you feel better, hm?” She said. The toe of her shoe kicked his side slightly. Beneath his arms he kept his head buried. In the sanctity of his mind he understood everything. Understanding was all he ever wanted; yet, he could never comprehend some things. His friend got down on her knees and slightly ruffled his hair. On occasion she would pinch his ear to see if he would react, hoping to illicit some sort of snippy comment or even a hiss of annoyance. Anger was much better than silence, at least it showed a sign of coping, or rather, a sign that people had a chance to fix and redeem themselves.
Unfortunately, she got no response. He comforted his head alone, although, she decided to stay there with him. She reached over and grabbed his hat and placed it on his head. This time, he did respond, albeit only a bit. His head tilted up to reveal one eye, one eye that glanced at her. She gave a small smile to him. Danny had already left for home by now.
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
08 Dec 2012 10:53 PM
ok im done with this

closing up shop

might do another story one day

probs not
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
08 Dec 2012 10:55 PM
wait

here have a prologue thing that never finsihed???

The boy watched the door slowly fall backwards, pulling towards the frame that outlined where it had once been. He waited silently for the sound of the door opening, the breeze rushing in, and a click. The sounds stopped and all that remained was the muffled words coming from the TV downstairs and the ticking of the clock. It was only then that he moved from his place. His feet struggled to stay back on the same area of flooring, growing heavy as he made every step. Maybe all he needed was a distraction. Once he reached the bottom of the steps he saw a familiar figure slide by the stairs in just socks alone, his hair, while slightly less curly, resembled his. The green in his eyes shined with his smirk before he halted.
“Hey, Acheros. Whatcha’ doing down from your room so early?” His tone was so innocent and innocuous, clearly unaware of the offense one could take from those words, especially since it was 10 o’clock on a Saturday.

“You didn’t go with dad, Warren?” His brother was always enthusiastic to go anywhere and everywhere. The fact that he was still in the house altogether was surprising, yet to stay when the opportunity to leave approached was even more odd, suspicious even.
“Nah, I’ve gotta prepare for stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Stuff.” It was his only reply, or at least the only one he was willing to give. Stuff, while a vague word in it of itself, always seemed very clear to Acheros. The implication of what ‘stuff’ was depended on the tone of voice. In this case, Warren muffled it underneath his breaths. If he had to guess, which he always did, it would be clear to him that this was an important event, a competition so to speak.
It was probably an embarrassing competition to be more specific, which usually means a dare.

“Do you know where Vendaris is?” Warren only gave a quick shake of his head in response. With one half hearted shrug he slid away into the kitchen, leaving Acheros to watch him pass. Within moments he heard his voice call out again in a shrill yell, even though Acheros was only a few steps away from him.
“He’s over here watching something!” Warren’s voice faded towards the end as he slammed the door behind him. He was now outside, doing whatever he felt needed to be done. As Acheros approached the living room he saw his brother on the couch. He was not strewn across, nor was he lying down. His posture was erect, his hands neatly folded on his lap. Towards his brother his head did not turn, however, his eyes shifted to face him. The top of his eyelids covered half of his green, vacant eyes.

“Is there something you need?” He asked. His words were covered in a blanket of monotone. The intent of the words was tricky, if not impossible to catch. In the past Acheros had attempted to keep track of his sarcasm, his bitterness, and everything in-between to decipher the emotions behind them. His brother was harder to predict than that. In most cases he just assumed he meant nothing but the literal meaning of the words. If his brother did have any emotions, they were not prominent enough to take over his questions.
“Could we, perhaps, talk…?” He intertwined his hands with his own as he felt his head grew heavy. It was difficult to break the gaze he kept on the floor. Vendaris was quiet for a moment, both his eyelids closed as he sat still, listening to the slow breathes of each of them. Finally, he moved over and patted the cushion beside him, inviting for his brother to sit down along with him. When he did he waited for the problem to be given to him, although Acheros did not speak to Vendaris. In his head however, his voice spoke loud and clear. They both sat in silence; luckily neither of them had a problem with it.
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OldMan325 is not online. OldMan325
Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 162
08 Dec 2012 11:11 PM
uhh OP u forgot the character sheet... i cant join. ill just make one i guess

name - Bobart Billingsworth
@ge - 89
apparance - old dude wit cane!
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
08 Dec 2012 11:20 PM
i think i recall seeing somebody of a similar name trolling here before

ah well
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OldMan325 is not online. OldMan325
Joined: 26 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 162
08 Dec 2012 11:22 PM
u mr giraffe have a good memory because it is I, the man u remeber returning after a long abcense
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jetthehawk is not online. jetthehawk
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 5529
08 Dec 2012 11:33 PM
WHOA MAN.

DEEP.
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MrGiraffe1 is not online. MrGiraffe1
Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 23833
08 Dec 2012 11:37 PM
haha

my memory in sensational

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