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| 19 Nov 2012 07:52 PM |
okay, so there is the this perfect girl, and i've liked her for about 8 months now she really seemed like the kind of girl i would actually have a chance with, since i usually end up falling hopelessly for someone out of my league or whatever. but she really is perfect, at least in my sense of the word; pale skin, beautiful green eyes, and incredibly, long, thick black hair. pretty much exactly my type, and we had gotten to know each other too. she wasn't just gorgeous... we had talked pretty much all summer, and the conversation ranged from all sorts of subjects, at the time we pretty much loved the same music... i guess i've sort of progressed from that point in what music i like now, but it's good enough. not that music taste matters, but it's a bonus. whatever. she just has such a fun personality, and all these little quirks and stuff. not really like one of those girls that does this just to be cute, but she's genuinely weird in the best way possible. and she's pretty much nice to everyone, except the people we collectively hate, but y'know, that just adds to the fun.
of course, there's some tragedy in my wondrous tale. once school starts she kind of ignored me, but i was probably way too offended for what actually happened- i mean, we talked all summer and stuff, but it was mostly just through messaging and everything since i'm really busy with football lately. so i guess i was expecting us to be super close, and she wasn't. or maybe she was, and i just wasn't outgoing enough. now that i think of it, i was in a pretty crappy mood for the first few days. i was probably trying to seem cool, and i guess i totally remodeled my personality. in middle school i was the jerk that just freaked out about religion and politics and always discussed it relentlessly during class, even when it really wasn't called for. reminds me of some people on this forum. but yeah, i generally tried to seem more "chill" or whatever since the summer. i figured it'd be way closer to my "message-personality"... it is definitely different, talking to someone over text. you can imagine how they'll sound, their tone, all sorts of things that factor in to it.. plus you lose the ability to wonder for a few moments about what you want to reply with, relieving yourself from the burden of an immediate reply and constant chance of a slip-up.
so, since we hit it off rather well messaging each other all summer, i figured i'd kind of just stick to the personality i had during this messaging. which, i guess, was a clam, collected version of myself (i'm kind of loud and outgoing. i don't know if that surprises you guys or whatnot, but, background info, there you go.). this kind of backfired, since we didn't go to public school before, and we heading to a new private school. so pretty much 80% of the people didn't know each other except for the one big school everyone came from (most private schools have a main "feeder" school) and so everyone was out meeting each other and chatting... after all, it was the first few days, the teachers really weren't enforcing everything yet, we all needed to meet some new people unless we wanted to live through high school as a social outcast. this, i have since avoided, but i think my role in the first few days has successfully damaged romantic interests, though friendships have remained intact. this of course, just referring to this girl. anyway, i really din't put myself out there enough and she was just talking to all of these other people. which i really don't blame her for, like i said, it's probably more of my fault for not being as outgoing as i was. my "messaging personality" is probably in fact a lot closer to my real one than i had previously imagined, but i'm an idiot and i over think things. go figure.
so i get pretty frustrated with the first few days of school. she's ignoring me (well. sort of) and i go through all these phases. at some points, i'm devising plans to win her over; how to come up and talk to her; at others, i'm really annoyed with her that she couldn't just come up and initiate conversation (which was stupid of me to think. she made if pretty clear she was very traditional in terms of male to female contact and the likes. i don't know why i'd expect her to make the first move, but it was me being awkward). this is all happening during the rush of the homecoming dance, and eventually i settled with myself to ask her. this could be where i find out what both of our intentions should be from this point forward... she says yes. i'm incredibly happy... but then we stop talking, even mooore. i thought we weren't talking before, but we were actually close friends compared to our relationship at this point. on the bright side, we were still going to the dance together, so this gave me the chance to talk with her, just us. at this point, i'm a little bit less concerned about being in a relationship with her, and more concerned about being friends. i mean, i would love to have the relationship... but we were really close. she actually knows some things about me that no one else knows, and i do know some things about her that you don't learn on the first date.. how many other people she's told i don't know, but it is desirable information.. for lack of a better word(s).
well, the dance comes. we show up and take some pictures. it was kind of awkward. my mom wanted to meet her. that was definitely weird, i mean, we weren't in a relationship. maybe that was just weird to me. skip to the dance. wow, this was predictable: she isn't feeling well. ok. i try and sit next to her, talk a little bit... beasically trying to reassure myself that she's actually sick, and not just avoiding me. well, screw her; she's talking to me one way or the other, whether we dance or not. she ended up doing some slow dances with me, which was cool. we didn't talk much, but i did start to get the sense she was sincere in her sickness. during one of the later slow dances she rested her head on my chest the whole time. it felt great, and i was really enjoying myself at that point. then there was the afterparty. well, we were all a bit weird in our freshmen class; no one even wanted to have a party. so i decided i'd just throw a small one at my house. eh. why not. i had 4 of my closest guy friends, and 4 of the girls in my class over. including my date, which was great. once we got there, though, something that kind of hurt happened.. she seemed pretty upbeat and happy. not that i get mad seeing others' happiness, but it certainly wasn't reminiscent of her homecoming sickness.
that didn't make it too bad though.. because during the party, me and her went up to my room alone. now look, i really did not have these kind of intentions. i just wanted a cute little relationship or whatever, not to lose my v-card at 14. i'm rather cautious about these things. i didn't want to tell her i wasn't ready for "it" when that wasn't her intent either. so i waited. and luckily too, because it wasn't. once we got up there, i had a great time. we just layed on my bed and cuddled a bit, and talked about things. she may be the smartest person in my class, which is really cool. we had some interesting discussions about philosophy and stuff. we talked about past relationships (well, i didn't...) and eventually came to the point where we were talking about our own relationship. she said she just didn't feel that way about me... which, for once, i was surprised by rejection. it seemed things were going pretty well. now, this is kind of a weird question to ask, but i asked her what i needed to change for her to consider me as more than a friend. she said: "i'll need about tree fiddy." it was then that i realized the girl of my dreams was 500 feet tall and from the paleolithic era. that god damned loch ness monster had tricked me again. |
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Deviated
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| Joined: 18 Jun 2012 |
| Total Posts: 4339 |
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| 19 Nov 2012 07:53 PM |
| so exactly how many people are you expecting to read this? |
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| 19 Nov 2012 08:16 PM |
"totally unexpected"
sarcasm?
honestly this is the first time i've done this, wrote it all |
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| 19 Nov 2012 08:19 PM |
God i could never read this all peoples lives are so boring
~Snake Bite Emergency Repair Kit~ |
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Amnesiac
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| Joined: 28 Nov 2010 |
| Total Posts: 2539 |
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| 19 Nov 2012 08:26 PM |
the girl of your dreams sound more interesting than the woman of my dreams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mri0HppCRH8 |
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