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| 12 Nov 2012 03:42 PM |
It is the year 2052, and humanity is at the brink of extinction...
I awake in a small "porta-potty." My stomach burning, but not hot. My eyes frozen at the door. I hear screaming, screams of terror. Next to me is a syringe. It is glowing a bright cyan color. I take it. I feel a slight healing pain. I slowly open the door. Outside, smoke, fire, and debris cover New Scenari City. I walk outside and see no one but ruined buildings and vehicles. Suddenly I hear an extremely loud and irritating noise. I cover my ears while a big armored aircraft looms into my view. It kinda reminds me of the alien gunship from Crysis 2. The aircraft fires at me. I helplessly dodge away while pieces of concrete fly into the air. Three giant monsters drop down from the aircraft. They remind me of the elites from Halo, but bigger. The tallest one talked in a weird language, which I assumed it was telling the others to find me. The smallest monster shoots me with a weapon the size of a small car and the shape of a camera tripod. A shock of electricity goes through my body. My chest feels like it is having two heart attacks. I fall onto the ground while a bright light appears above me. I start to float into the air. Slowly losing consciousness...
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4og
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| Joined: 30 Aug 2012 |
| Total Posts: 111 |
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| 12 Nov 2012 03:43 PM |
| Plot is unoriginal and the writing is mediocre at best. Scrap it. |
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| 12 Nov 2012 03:44 PM |
terrible
no character development and lots of deus ex machina |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:23 PM |
| :( Came up with this in like 5 minutes anyway. |
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tubdood22
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| Joined: 12 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 1277 |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:24 PM |
No.
Mini Mod
Why are you reading this? |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:26 PM |
i'm sorry
but this is terrible
~ i'm bored of siggys ~ |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:29 PM |
:( Came up with this in like 5 minutes anyway. But this short "story" is supposed to be a mystery. Like no one knows what is going on. Questions would be: Who is the person? What are the monsters? Why did they attack? Where is the city? etc. |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:35 PM |
are you four
Dues Ex Machina
is the most common greek or latin or whatever phrase ever
~ i'm bored of siggys ~ |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:45 PM |
@ theknightoftime If I was four then how would I even be able to type?
Then I wouldn't even know words like: miscellaneous, void, malignant, orthodox, etc.
THINK before you TYPE. |
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tnt91
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| Joined: 14 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 43390 |
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alnick
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| Joined: 27 Mar 2008 |
| Total Posts: 17347 |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:52 PM |
It's the year 2052, and I'm pretty sure I'm screwed.
I'm in a port-a-potty. What the hell? My stomach is burning, but not hot. My eyes shift toward the door, slowly adjusting to the dim lighting. I hear yelling, screams of pure terror. I notice a syring next to me. It's glowing a bright cyan color. I take it, and slowly open the door. Outside looks like Hell on Earth. Smoke, fire, and debris cover New Scenari City. I walk outside and see nothing but ruined buildings and vehicles. No more screams. An extremely loud, irritating noise begins to near me. I cover my ears while a big armored aircraft looms into my view. It kinda reminds me of the alien gunship from Crysis 2. The aircraft fires at me.
idk i got bored |
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| 12 Nov 2012 04:56 PM |
"idk i got bored "
That's the reason I posted this. Cause I was bored. And I had aliens on the mind... AS ALWAYS. DO NOT judge me for liking Sci-fi. ALOT of people do. |
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| 12 Nov 2012 05:02 PM |
read more classics of a genre/type of story before writing it
if you want to write short story sci-fi read the best sci-fi short stories ever written and so it goes |
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| 12 Nov 2012 05:04 PM |
Now, now, people.
The bloke doesn't need a rating.
He needs critique to help him improve the piece.
Spacecrabs. :U |
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| 12 Nov 2012 05:09 PM |
I don't want to be a writer anyway.
I LIKE STOP MOTION
And this is the kind of thing that makes people quit ROBLOX. But I won't because I don't care about negative comments. Because I already have to deal with even more in real life... But the point is I only made this story because I was bored and wanted to see what people would say. Because I like showing people my "work." Even though they usually come out terrible. |
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4og
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| Joined: 30 Aug 2012 |
| Total Posts: 111 |
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| 13 Nov 2012 12:26 AM |
| Because you'll definitely go far as a stop motion artist. |
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cyrus8334
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| Joined: 10 Sep 2009 |
| Total Posts: 12169 |
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