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Re: The Unkown Contact(Short Story)

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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 03:42 PM
It is the year 2052, and humanity is at the brink of extinction...


I awake in a small "porta-potty." My stomach burning, but not hot. My eyes frozen at the door. I hear screaming, screams of terror. Next to me is a syringe. It is glowing a bright cyan color. I take it. I feel a slight healing pain. I slowly open the door. Outside, smoke, fire, and debris cover New Scenari City. I walk outside and see no one but ruined buildings and vehicles. Suddenly I hear an extremely loud and irritating noise. I cover my ears while a big armored aircraft looms into my view. It kinda reminds me of the alien gunship from Crysis 2. The aircraft fires at me. I helplessly dodge away while pieces of concrete fly into the air. Three giant monsters drop down from the aircraft. They remind me of the elites from Halo, but bigger. The tallest one talked in a weird language, which I assumed it was telling the others to find me. The smallest monster shoots me with a weapon the size of a small car and the shape of a camera tripod. A shock of electricity goes through my body. My chest feels like it is having two heart attacks. I fall onto the ground while a bright light appears above me. I start to float into the air. Slowly losing consciousness...
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4og is not online. 4og
Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 111
12 Nov 2012 03:43 PM
Plot is unoriginal and the writing is mediocre at best. Scrap it.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
12 Nov 2012 03:44 PM
terrible

no character development and lots of deus ex machina
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:23 PM
:( Came up with this in like 5 minutes anyway.
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tubdood22 is not online. tubdood22
Joined: 12 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1277
12 Nov 2012 04:24 PM
No.

Mini Mod

Why are you reading this?
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theknightoftime is not online. theknightoftime
Joined: 15 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 14839
12 Nov 2012 04:26 PM
i'm sorry

but this is terrible

~ i'm bored of siggys ~
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:29 PM
:( Came up with this in like 5 minutes anyway.
But this short "story" is supposed to be a mystery. Like no one knows what is going on. Questions would be: Who is the person? What are the monsters? Why did they attack? Where is the city? etc.
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:32 PM
Never played Deus Ex...
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theknightoftime is not online. theknightoftime
Joined: 15 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 14839
12 Nov 2012 04:35 PM
are you four

Dues Ex Machina

is the most common greek or latin or whatever phrase ever


~ i'm bored of siggys ~
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:45 PM
@ theknightoftime
If I was four then how would I even be able to type?

Then I wouldn't even know words like: miscellaneous, void, malignant, orthodox, etc.

THINK before you TYPE.
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tnt91 is not online. tnt91
Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 43390
12 Nov 2012 04:46 PM
it fails .. get swag
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:50 PM
I always FAIL...
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alnick is not online. alnick
Joined: 27 Mar 2008
Total Posts: 17347
12 Nov 2012 04:52 PM
It's the year 2052, and I'm pretty sure I'm screwed.


I'm in a port-a-potty. What the hell? My stomach is burning, but not hot. My eyes shift toward the door, slowly adjusting to the dim lighting. I hear yelling, screams of pure terror. I notice a syring next to me. It's glowing a bright cyan color. I take it, and slowly open the door. Outside looks like Hell on Earth. Smoke, fire, and debris cover New Scenari City. I walk outside and see nothing but ruined buildings and vehicles. No more screams. An extremely loud, irritating noise begins to near me. I cover my ears while a big armored aircraft looms into my view. It kinda reminds me of the alien gunship from Crysis 2. The aircraft fires at me.

idk i got bored
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 04:56 PM
"idk i got bored "

That's the reason I posted this. Cause I was bored. And I had aliens on the mind... AS ALWAYS.
DO NOT judge me for liking Sci-fi. ALOT of people do.
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JosephMcCarthy is not online. JosephMcCarthy
Joined: 30 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 5962
12 Nov 2012 05:02 PM
read more classics of a genre/type of story before writing it

if you want to write short story sci-fi read the best sci-fi short stories ever written and so it goes
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knilytsrihT is not online. knilytsrihT
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 9561
12 Nov 2012 05:04 PM
Now, now, people.

The bloke doesn't need a rating.

He needs critique to help him improve the piece.

Spacecrabs. :U
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Jamesnorrington123 is not online. Jamesnorrington123
Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 816
12 Nov 2012 05:09 PM
I don't want to be a writer anyway.


I LIKE STOP MOTION


And this is the kind of thing that makes people quit ROBLOX. But I won't because I don't care about negative comments. Because I already have to deal with even more in real life...
But the point is I only made this story because I was bored and wanted to see what people would say. Because I like showing people my "work." Even though they usually come out terrible.
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4og is not online. 4og
Joined: 30 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 111
13 Nov 2012 12:26 AM
Because you'll definitely go far as a stop motion artist.
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cyrus8334 is not online. cyrus8334
Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 12169
13 Nov 2012 12:31 AM
I like it!
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