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| 04 Nov 2012 10:30 AM |
MOSCOW, Russia -- 40 years and one day after the day a possible nuclear war was averted, translators from UnNews were able to decipher the exact words that were responsible for the entire UnNews staff's parents, and by extension the UnNews staff itself, even being born. "Dude, no" were the words spoken by Russian fleet commander Vasili Arkhipov during the Cuban Missile Crisis, a period of heavy tension and paranoia instigated by the Russians attempting to deliver missiles to Cuba. The U.S. had set up a blockade, and U.S. aircrafts were scouring the ocean looking for "commie" submarines trying to sneak past the blockade - because everything "commie" was bad in those days, including Sub B59, a Russian Sub armed with "special weapons". Little did most of the crew know that "special weapon" was actually a euphemism for "apocalypse-initiating nuclear torpedo". Needless to say, the submarine, like pretty much all the others in the fleet, was eventually spotted, and took an emergency dive. The crew lost contact with Moscow almost immediately after being spotted, and had little contact with the outside world during the week they stayed below the surface. The crew lived in terrible conditions, being forced to ration themselves to just one glass of water a day. To make matters worse, the anti-communist pop music they picked up on the radio was more offensive than amusing, much to the disappointment of the crew, who had always thought American pop culture was one of the dumbest phenomena ever created by man. Things came to a boiling point on October 27, 1962, when U.S. forces dropped practice deep charges into the water to "scare" the submarine into coming out. The captain, Valentin Savitsky, thought that a nuclear war had already begun and they were going to die. He proposed that they fire the torpedo as "it would be a shame for such an awesome weapon to go to waste." In their excitement to see the "special weapon" at work, all the officers joined in to accept his proposal. All, except Arkhipov who exercised his veto power as Commander of the Fleet, saying the two words that changed the captain's mind: "Чувак, не." Translation: "Dude, no." He then suggested that maybe nuclear war hadn't started after all, causing the crew to look at things from a very different paradigm. The submarine eventually surfaced and surrendered, and the crew returned home to jeers of "гнойный", "трус" and "Империалистическая Американская свинья". But little did they know that this one act of cowardice had saved mankind as we know it, and allowed that awesome film X-Men: First Class to be produced last year. |
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| 04 Nov 2012 10:34 AM |
"who had always thought American pop culture was one of the dumbest phenomena ever created by man."
and then when Justin beiber, one direction, those Twilight movies and crazed obsessive fangirls of that and hunger games came along
they rolled over in their grave because of how it detiorated further than they thought it was |
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| 04 Nov 2012 11:07 AM |
| @Dx Justin Beiber is Canadian, what now. |
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| 04 Nov 2012 11:17 AM |
@vocal
i kn3w that you 1mbecile but h3 is a major part of AM3R1C4N pop culture |
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| 04 Nov 2012 11:18 AM |
| Canada>u.S.A what is your argument? |
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| 04 Nov 2012 11:24 AM |
| Be1b3r is 4 d1sgrac3 to canada |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:38 PM |
"and then when Justin beiber, one direction, those Twilight movies and crazed obsessive fangirls of that and hunger games came along"
why did you include one direction in this
theyre not even bad |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:40 PM |
"theyre not even bad"
are you being serious |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:40 PM |
| im being serious, i like their songs |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:41 PM |
| Just cause you don't like a certain music or band doesn't mean you have to bash them and anyone else who likes them. |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:43 PM |
if i said youll be like "yeah right"
how old do you think i am |
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XC6
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| Joined: 28 Jun 2012 |
| Total Posts: 9179 |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:47 PM |
| judging age by music taste is more stupid than judging intelligence by gender orientation |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:47 PM |
"judging age by music taste is more stupid than judging intelligence by gender orientation"
not at all |
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XC6
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| Joined: 28 Jun 2012 |
| Total Posts: 9179 |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:50 PM |
"im turning 11 soon"
thats not possible you have to be 13+ to post on the forums
did you lie about your age? did you break the rules? should i report you to the authorities? |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:54 PM |
i lied to roblox so i can post here ya
look at all the ducks i give: |
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| 04 Nov 2012 12:55 PM |
"i lied"
sinii admits he is a liar troll |
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