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Re: Caught in the Crossfire Chapter: 2 (FEEDBACK!)

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braedena018 is not online. braedena018
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 114
23 Oct 2012 08:07 PM
Chapter 2: Leaders come Crashing Down


Brae’s squadron crosses over the border at 4 PM. He and his squadron decided to scout ahead of the rest of the TREA army, which was being led by Path a couple miles back. Of the squads, Brae’s is one of the smallest. Brae knows nearly everyone in his squad. On Brae’s right side, are Niftyk, Pickles, and Tyblue. Nifty is a great swordfighter, but can be reckless. Pickles is an entertaining guy who is also good at sword fighting, but has above average skills with guns as well. Tyblue is a Loyal soldier who is average all-round sort of guy when it comes to combat. On Brae’s left, are Epicnoob, Lukh, Lucky, and Laugh. Laugh is an amazing sword fighter, as well as Epicnoob and Lukh. Lukh, lucky, and Laugh are all incredibly loyal and will do anything you ask them to. Epicnoob is very close to reaching high rank status. Directly behind Brae are ten to fifteen privates and recruits. The one person Brae did not get in his squad that he wanted was Just. Just is also a very loyal soldier much like Lukh.

Just before 5 pm, Brae’s squadron arrives at the main base where the leader of TRC, Physics, is supposedly located at. Fort Reavon is a large base with very high, towering walls. It has a large forest with tall cliffs around it. Brae gets his handheld radio and prepares to report his findings.

“My squadron has arrived without any troubles sir. We are located a quarter mile from the base walls. There are no sign of Coalition forces. We are now holding our position awaiting your arrival.”

“Good work Brae, hold your location. Keep a lookout for Coalition forces, the rest of the army and I will arrive in twenty minutes or so.”

Suddenly, cutting off the very end of Path’s orders, Fudge calls over the radio. “We Have an Emergency! Someone is opening fire on my Squadron from behind, we are returning fire!”

Creator cuts in next, “Its APN, an ally of TRC. It looks like a small five person patrol.”

Fudge gets back on and says, “We killed them, but they killed two of our privates. They were both shot first, before we knew they were there.”

“This is more of a reason to destroy TRC. TREA! PICK UP THE PACE TO REAVON! Brae, we will be at your location in ten minutes tops. Have everyone ready to fight when we arrive.”

“Yes sir, we are waiting.” The wait is the longest ten minutes of Brae’s life up to this point.

As advertised, Path arrives with the army ten minutes later. All soldiers set their eyes on Fort Reavon. Path walks up to the front of the army and stands on the transportable podium.

“ALL TREA! We are ready for battle against TRC! We will avenge the loss of xpEmperor! ALL FORCES, ATTACK!”

Guns were pulled out and safeties turned off on all them. All the soldiers have the look of determination in their eyes. They charge forwards, moving from cover to cover. Brae’s squad drops back to the rear with Fudge’s squadron. Path ordered Brae to drop back because Fudge had the weakest squadron. She isn’t bothered by the thought though. Fudge believes that the weakest all have potential, they just need the opportunity to do so. Silent’s squad was ahead of Brae’s. Next to Silent’s and in front of Fudge’s was Creator’s squadron. Leading the Charge is Path’s squad, which is by far the largest squad of the army.

Coalition forces poured over the walls and out the gate. They pulled their guns out and opened fire. Quickly, both sides found cover behind trees, logs, rocks, and alongside cliffs in forest area surrounding Reavon. Brae quickly pulled out his favorite weapon, the G36-C. He starts shooting at the TRC forces, which are firing back at his fellow soldiers. He finds two open targets and fires upon them. Without realizing what hit them, they fall to the ground. Brae looks to his left and sees a private get shot in the head and fall to the ground. Laugh goes dives out into the open to see if the private can survive, but sees the bullet hole and knows there is no hope. Brae and Nifty cover Laugh as he gets back into cover with the body.

“Laugh, I know you care about your fellow soldiers, but that is what gets you killed. I advise you to not do that.”

“Yes sir.” Laugh replies uncertainly.

Brae looks forward again and can’t find Path. He calls to Creator on the radio.

“Where is Path?”

“He went into the base. He was escorted by TRC forces. He told me that TREA is mine now and disappeared. I’m now the Leader TREA”

“Understood,” Brae replies.

Brae looks forward and sees 6 TRC officers duck behind the cover of a large boulder. They set up their guns and began shooting. Suddenly, a grenade flies over the boulder towards Brae. Quickly, Brae picks up the grenade and throws it back over the boulder. Seconds later, there was a loud, collective scream as the grenade goes off. Brae sees limbs and blood roll and flow from behind the rock.

Brae reloads and looks to his right to check up on Fudge. He sees her shooting a Coalition soldier in the back. She goes to reload when suddenly, a sniper sounds off in the distance. Brae looks back at Fudge and sees her on the ground. He yells to Pickles and Lukh, “COVER ME!” Brae dives through the gunfire, miraculously unharmed.

He looks at Fudge. Clearly she is in deep pain. The sniper shot her right through her stomach. Brae quickly gets a first aid kit out. “FUDGE! Hang in there! I’ll save you!” He digs for bandages and gauze to put on her wound.

Brae looks back to Fudge, and sees her eyes closing. She whispers to Brae, “Don’t bother helping me, I’m not going to make… it..”

Franticly, Brae starts screaming “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME DANG IT! WAKE UP! I CAN SAVE YOU FUDGE!”

She opens her eyes and says, “My life is over Brae, I only ask that you remember me….” She closes her eyes for the last time. Fudge died.

Rage fills Brae. He quickly gets Fudges body put into a jeep nearby and puts down his G36-C. He looks behind the jeep and sees a fully loaded M-60 ready for use. He picks it up and lays it behind a boulder. As he sets up the tripod, he sees a group of TRC soldiers open fire on Pickles and Laugh. He lies down with the M-60 in hand, and then pulls the trigger on the big powerful machine gun. The recoil was powerful, but the shots were deadly as they killed most of the soldiers they hit. Then a call comes over the radio. It’s Creator’s radio but it isn’t his voice.

“TREA SURRENDER AT ONCE!” The voice on the radio was Physics.

Soldiers were falling around Brae, he knew that the battle was starting to swing in TRC’s favor. In the sky above, a TREA stealth bomber unleashed a full load of bombs on Fort Reavon. Shortly afterward, it was shot down by massive anti-aircraft weaponry. Brae comes on the radio and announced, “TREA we are to fall back! Get in jeeps and head back to the cliffs. Once there, we are to set up snipers and snipe them out before they get to us. Without hesitation, the remaining soldiers began to retreat.

Brae gets to the cliffs and while at the bottom, takes a quick casualty count. Although Brae’s squad doesn’t receive many deaths, Path’s squad which became Just’s squad after Path disappeared, suffers a very numerous number of deaths. Fudge’s squad also takes massive casualties. Silent’s doesn’t take too many casualties, but no one from Creator’s squad could be found anywhere. Brae brings his squad and other squad leaders to talk.

“I don’t think we can keep this up,” Silent tells the others.

Just replies by saying, “I agree, we have to get back to the HQ and regroup. We have lost far too many soldiers to keep this up.”

Brae sighs, “Well, it’s clear we can’t win this fight. Let’s begin to retreat.”

Then up on the top of the cliff, a man walks up with soldiers behind him. He talks.

“My name is Physics! I am the CEO of TRC! TREA IS NOW MINE!

Brae calls an admiral that was guarding the HQ. “ADMIRAL! ADMIRAL COME IN!” Brae hears nothing but static. Physics stares at Brae. Brae realizes what it means. The forces left at the HQ were killed and the HQ was taken. Brae knows that no one can go back to the HQ and survive.

“TREA is shut down. TREA land is now mine. All your soldiers, are now my soldiers. I have won.

Brae turns to the remaining soldiers and says, “It is over. I’m very sorry. Now, if you want to survive, GET IN THE JEEPS AND DRIVE AWAY!! GO! GO! GO!” Although it was a strange order, the others know that their safe escape means a chance for rebellion.

Brae jumps in the jeep that has Fudge’s body and drives off. Each of the others get into their own jeeps and return to their homes in the former TREA lands. Brae gets in touch with his squad mates. Brae gives thanks to his fellow friends and soldiers, especially Pickles who walked away with the most kills, for helping him all the way until the end of TREA. Brae has failed xpEmperor. As Brae puts Fudge in her grave next to xpEmperor’s grave, Brae begins a new plan and thought. He says out loud to himself, “This is just the beginning. TRC, I will be back, and I will claim what is rightfully mine! TREA WILL SURVIVE ONCE MORE!”
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Ice1377 is not online. Ice1377
Joined: 16 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 6432
23 Oct 2012 08:08 PM
Terribly formatted.
Great story.

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braedena018 is not online. braedena018
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 114
23 Oct 2012 08:29 PM
If I don't format is like that, It looks like the whole chapter is one paragraph. The format problem is because Roblox doesnt put tabs on paragraphs even if you paste them there. So yes, The format sucks. Sorry.
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Ihazpickles is not online. Ihazpickles
Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Total Posts: 13
25 Oct 2012 03:42 PM
GREAT STORY!
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Eraticus is not online. Eraticus
Joined: 25 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 12615
25 Oct 2012 03:51 PM
Loved it.

Unbiased and great.
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2009summer is not online. 2009summer
Joined: 07 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 71
04 Nov 2012 11:49 PM
Funny names... (but I know it's their roblox name)
You should be also posting this for TRC.
But I bet you already did.
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braedena018 is not online. braedena018
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 114
05 Nov 2012 01:32 PM
@above, You bet I did. And TREA members as well.
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NinjaofRobloxia is not online. NinjaofRobloxia
Joined: 18 Jan 2011
Total Posts: 16770
05 Nov 2012 01:33 PM
Not bad at all, great writing. One of the few good stories I've seen on ROBLOX.

It's all alright, I got nothing in my chest but it's all alright.
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braedena018 is not online. braedena018
Joined: 09 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 114
06 Nov 2012 03:30 PM
Why thank you. Chapter 3 is now being typed. should be done soon.
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