romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 08:32 PM |
He looked out at his troops in the hangar bay... legions upon legions of soldiers doing last minute checks on their weapons and armor systems before the invasion.This would be the first invasion he himself led, he was nervous, as were a few of his troops based on the expressions on their faces. He was not unfamiliar to war nor battles, he had seen good friends die right beside him and yet... he wanted to be anywhere but onboard this ship... with this fleet. He thought to himself, "what made this so different from any of the invasions before?" He sat there and pondered this question as he continued to watch his new batallion of soldiers prepare for battle. He watched the engineers check every tank, every valtrike and every dropship for last minute preperations. He didn't have too long however as a trooper barged through the door of the observation bay and saluted before giving his messege. "Captain Raze, sir! You are needed on the bridge ASAP!" "what for?" Raze replied. "No clue sir, it is urgent." Raze reluctantly got up from his seat as the PA system sounded an announcement. "30 minutes before invasion! All squads are to finish preparations and briefings!" Raze continues to make his way towards the bridge, he paused by one of the ships long windows to admire the destruction their fleet had already wrought, the burning husks of the Coalition's fleet were still slightly glowing, Nafarian scavenger drones were still scanning it for survivors. Inside he felt sorry for their poor souls but quickly dropped this emotion. As he walked he continued to ponder why he was so... nervous about this upcoming invasion, he had never feared death nor letting good friends go... He got used to that. He entered the bridge and heard the last snippets of conversation between the Imperial Marshal on screen and the Major he left in charge of the bridge. Forgot all of that, it was all replaced with the steaming anger he felt after hearing their final words... He now knew why he felt so nervous... and why oddly enough he no longer did.
~End of prologue, chapter One is currently being worked on. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 08:40 PM |
| Thanks, this is going to be a very emotional, yet action packed storyline, it vvill really capture the life of the dreadnoughts and a typical Nafarian officer. |
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| 26 Sep 2012 08:40 PM |
I remember this war it was the first one I fought in but I come in later, heh. Well soon the life of myself will come in and destroy the rest of this group! I was the man to took care of it in the first place and will be the man to end it! This was my first and my last war today!
«⊱▶✰ Follow me into the dark abyss - Lord Pain ✰◀⊰» |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 08:41 PM |
| Yes, Raze and another main character vvho vvill be introduced by chapter 2 vvill be the main focal points, they are completely fiction based. |
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nickle389
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| Joined: 23 Feb 2010 |
| Total Posts: 456 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 09:01 PM |
| Sounds like an interesting story. I can't wait for more. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 09:22 PM |
| I'll probably have chapter 1 done in a vveek. |
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| 26 Sep 2012 09:22 PM |
| It's great. If you think of the typical invasion in movies, it's just like this. They have to be very quick and concise with invasion preparations. I look forward to reading more! |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 11:16 PM |
| Thank you all for the feedback. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 26 Sep 2012 11:18 PM |
| DANGIT! Forgot character description for Raze, vvill add that in the second or third chapter. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
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coat34
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| Joined: 15 Mar 2012 |
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| 27 Sep 2012 12:57 PM |
I think I come in the next chapter or later on in the story.
«⊱▶✰ Follow me into the dark abyss - Lord Pain ✰◀⊰» |
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| 27 Sep 2012 02:04 PM |
| This is WONDERFUL. I'm Very inpressed at the Storyline, Grammar, Everything. Its a great entry into te story. I plan to make my story in a very similar way. Third person, Tense. Wonderful. |
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LadyMoo
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| Joined: 25 Nov 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10506 |
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| 27 Sep 2012 02:05 PM |
| Is it bad that I reported this? :o |
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| 27 Sep 2012 02:06 PM |
| there is no paragraphing so, tl;dr |
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kidpool1
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| Joined: 07 Aug 2011 |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
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| 27 Sep 2012 06:46 PM |
@Shattered, Ill be sure to add that in the future revised prologue and in the future chapters, just realized my issue there... heh.
@Ladymoo, mods apparently don't count hell as a bad vvord, I've tried to get people I don't like banned for saying it and it never vvorks. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 27 Sep 2012 06:48 PM |
| @Pain, your referenced to in the next chapter, and a fevv times in chapter 2, you make an appearence in the last fevv chapters and tovvards the middle. |
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| 27 Sep 2012 06:50 PM |
Wow... this is great. Can't wait for more. c;
ღAshi |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 27 Sep 2012 06:52 PM |
| ^Thanks, this'll be the condensed version, I'll post the full length novel on fan fic or something, chapter one vvill be released on C&G by Sunday probably. |
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romuluz
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| Joined: 12 Apr 2010 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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