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Re: Random story I wrote

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gymnast82 is not online. gymnast82
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1145
15 Sep 2012 08:42 PM

I sat still, silently as the shadow emerged and grew larger. I felt the corners of my lips slowly rise into a light smirk, no matter how hard I tried to remain subtle and mysterious. That was my job. I was what you call a thief and a trickster. I know how to twist memories, reveal secrets, see what you're thinking. Which was why i was so confident going into this mission. "You...you are quite late." I said, my voice dripping with malice,

"I thought for a second you were contemplating about...not showing..." I stepped forward into the dim, flickering light bulb that hung from the ceiling in a disorderly fashion. I would have to send somebody on an errand to fix that. Later, however, later, I had to keep my head on the task at hand. I could see the reflection of my shiny auburn hair and pale skin on the shattered window pane slices, that lay beneath my feet.

"Me, skip out? I'm offended, Kye." You should know me better than that, shouldn't you?" He acted in mock surprise. Of course, he spoke the truth. Being a frequent of our business, I had dealt with him a few times. "What shall it be this time, hmm?" I said smugly. "Potion in their food, assassination, burglary...?" I circled the room slowly.

"Assassination, the usual." His voice was calm with his lips curling up into smirk that quite matched mine. "Mary Garths, room 7-B, the embassy suites. Cute blonde, can't miss her." He said, handing me a picture. "I'll be on it. Meet back here in two days." I turned on my heel and proceeded to climb lithely through the empty window pane. I was no more than two steps away when I heard him calling me back.

"Oh, and Kye, don't mess this one up. You're reputation is hanging on this one. Pity you had to run with the Acolynes business. I could make you top in the country, but you won't budge, will you?" He gave a demeaning tut-tut and a wave of his hand. "Run along, Kye. Don't disappoint me.

"Yes, sir. I'll find you'll be happy with the results..." But I fear he may have caught the split second in which my expression wavered, and I fear he may have seen the terror in my eyes. I gulped, and walked away as calmly as a person who is shaking can be.
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gymnast82 is not online. gymnast82
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1145
15 Sep 2012 08:59 PM
Just to clear it up, it's only the first part of the story.
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iguanazor is not online. iguanazor
Joined: 07 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 31462
15 Sep 2012 10:32 PM
it's kind of boring, lots of mistakes, a bit odd, and i don't like the style
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gymnast82 is not online. gymnast82
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1145
16 Sep 2012 09:24 AM
Okay. Thank you for your opinion. I'll try to fix some things.
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LizardGirl9 is not online. LizardGirl9
Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 3138
16 Sep 2012 08:08 PM
Try more drama. And by that, don't like write super detail. Make an interesting part. '



I do know this is the beginning and usually the beginning of books are just boring. But we will see how it works out! :D
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gymnast82 is not online. gymnast82
Joined: 21 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 1145
19 Sep 2012 06:09 PM
Yeah, I just kind of felt like writing and I haven't had a chance to revise it. It is still the beginning so I am hoping that it will turn out well.
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