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Re: A poem of mine;

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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:16 PM
Created and edited in about ten minutes. It's my blurb as well.

"Where did those heroes go, whom you looked up to every day?
Are they still on top, or did they just fade away?
Maybe they were true heroes, who died a valiant death?
Or maybe they were fake, and were celebrated after their last breath?
However, after those heroes are buried and long underground
They will become forgotten, as the clock is further wound.
Those saviors of yesterday, become those of yesteryear.
And those who become heroes, will become the image mirrored."

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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mrvideogame is not online. mrvideogame
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 18179
31 Aug 2012 08:18 PM
honestly,

this is one of the best poems i've ever read.
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:19 PM
@mrvideogame
...Really?

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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jetguy10 is not online. jetguy10
Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 10792
31 Aug 2012 08:19 PM
its good

but i dont like dreary poems

agenghrg
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:20 PM
@jetguy
But those are the best.

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:22 PM
Hm...

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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Megakarp is not online. Megakarp
Joined: 25 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 57
31 Aug 2012 08:23 PM
Wow. Dreary, as the other guy said, but sadly true. I'm not very creative, but that read really well. I like the half-rhyming-ish bit with "yesteryear" and "mirrored."
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pp152 is not online. pp152
Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 635
31 Aug 2012 08:25 PM
0/10 would not bang if payed to.
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mrvideogame is not online. mrvideogame
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 18179
31 Aug 2012 08:26 PM
@EXcellent

yes
honestly

A majority of the poems i've read in my life have standard writing.
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pokemonkid66 is not online. pokemonkid66
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 12450
31 Aug 2012 08:27 PM
That was amazing.
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sdfgw is not online. sdfgw
Top 50 Poster
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 41681
31 Aug 2012 08:28 PM
Really sorry but poetry is an acquired taste that I have not yet acquired

Suitably depressing though so that's good, it almost looks like your siggy is part of it

uh

should that preposition be stranded

it seems weird ending a clause with a preposition while in the same line purposefully using the word "whom" to be grammatically correct

idksorry
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:28 PM
@pp
Well, obviously, since you can't consummate with a poem.

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:31 PM
@sdfgw
...What?

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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Megakarp is not online. Megakarp
Joined: 25 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 57
31 Aug 2012 08:33 PM
@sdfgw:

Grammatical Artistic License? Maybe?
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sdfgw is not online. sdfgw
Top 50 Poster
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 41681
31 Aug 2012 08:34 PM
i'm

sorry I'm probably being a symphasiser for the grammar axis but

Are you not supposed to end clauses with prepositions, or is that just sentences?

or is that even a rule at all because it might just be a made up thing by english teachers everywhere which is likely
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zgirl341 is not online. zgirl341
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 9122
31 Aug 2012 08:34 PM
"honestly,

this is one of the best poems i've ever read."

same
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sdfgw is not online. sdfgw
Top 50 Poster
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 41681
31 Aug 2012 08:35 PM
"Grammatical Artistic License"

I have no idea how to take this
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kickmecookies is not online. kickmecookies
Joined: 08 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 43469
31 Aug 2012 08:35 PM
lol pp's post
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Megakarp is not online. Megakarp
Joined: 25 Aug 2012
Total Posts: 57
31 Aug 2012 08:37 PM
Grammatical Artistic License. I think I made that up, but I Googled it and the Wikipedia page for artistic license came up, with a short excerpt from a section in the article on grammar. It stated something about how poems can slightly distort the grammar of language, though since the article was in English, it probably only gives examples in English.
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Zerio920 is not online. Zerio920
Joined: 06 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 3311
31 Aug 2012 08:38 PM
Would be better if there weren't so many syllables.

It stops the rhythm of the poem.
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Thomas988 is not online. Thomas988
Joined: 12 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 4392
31 Aug 2012 08:38 PM
Seriously,






You got talent. You'll do good in school.
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Zerio920 is not online. Zerio920
Joined: 06 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 3311
31 Aug 2012 08:42 PM
"Where did those heroes go, whom you looked up to every day?
Are they still on top, or did they just fade away?
Maybe they were true heroes, who died a valiant death?
Or maybe they were fake, celebrated after their last breath?
However, after those heroes are buried, long underground
They will become forgotten, as the clock is further wound.
Those saviors of yesterday, become those of yesteryear.
And those who become heroes, will become the image mirrored."

Really, other than the fact that the poem doesn't really "flow", I really like your style of writing.
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EXcellent is not online. EXcellent
Joined: 22 Feb 2009
Total Posts: 93272
31 Aug 2012 08:42 PM
@Zerio
Poems don't have to flow well.

They don't even have to rhyme.

"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."
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FallenDem0n is not online. FallenDem0n
Joined: 08 Aug 2011
Total Posts: 3543
31 Aug 2012 08:46 PM
OP
I posted a poem on FB I made in like 5 minutes. Check it out if you want.

~ I can't get out, your flub is blocking the [Content DeL33Ted] door. ~
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sdfgw is not online. sdfgw
Top 50 Poster
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 41681
31 Aug 2012 08:46 PM
"made in like 5 minutes"

should be good
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