EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:16 PM |
Created and edited in about ten minutes. It's my blurb as well.
"Where did those heroes go, whom you looked up to every day? Are they still on top, or did they just fade away? Maybe they were true heroes, who died a valiant death? Or maybe they were fake, and were celebrated after their last breath? However, after those heroes are buried and long underground They will become forgotten, as the clock is further wound. Those saviors of yesterday, become those of yesteryear. And those who become heroes, will become the image mirrored."
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:18 PM |
honestly,
this is one of the best poems i've ever read. |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 93272 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:19 PM |
@mrvideogame ...Really?
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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jetguy10
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| Joined: 14 Aug 2008 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:19 PM |
its good
but i dont like dreary poems
agenghrg |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 93272 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:20 PM |
@jetguy But those are the best.
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 93272 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:22 PM |
Hm...
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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Megakarp
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| Joined: 25 Aug 2012 |
| Total Posts: 57 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:23 PM |
| Wow. Dreary, as the other guy said, but sadly true. I'm not very creative, but that read really well. I like the half-rhyming-ish bit with "yesteryear" and "mirrored." |
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pp152
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| Joined: 24 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 635 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:25 PM |
| 0/10 would not bang if payed to. |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:26 PM |
@EXcellent
yes honestly
A majority of the poems i've read in my life have standard writing. |
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sdfgw
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| Joined: 08 Jan 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:28 PM |
Really sorry but poetry is an acquired taste that I have not yet acquired
Suitably depressing though so that's good, it almost looks like your siggy is part of it
uh
should that preposition be stranded
it seems weird ending a clause with a preposition while in the same line purposefully using the word "whom" to be grammatically correct
idksorry |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:28 PM |
@pp Well, obviously, since you can't consummate with a poem.
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 93272 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:31 PM |
@sdfgw ...What?
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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Megakarp
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| Joined: 25 Aug 2012 |
| Total Posts: 57 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:33 PM |
@sdfgw:
Grammatical Artistic License? Maybe? |
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sdfgw
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:34 PM |
i'm
sorry I'm probably being a symphasiser for the grammar axis but
Are you not supposed to end clauses with prepositions, or is that just sentences?
or is that even a rule at all because it might just be a made up thing by english teachers everywhere which is likely |
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zgirl341
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| Joined: 26 Apr 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:34 PM |
"honestly,
this is one of the best poems i've ever read."
same |
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sdfgw
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| Joined: 08 Jan 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:35 PM |
"Grammatical Artistic License"
I have no idea how to take this |
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Megakarp
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| Joined: 25 Aug 2012 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:37 PM |
| Grammatical Artistic License. I think I made that up, but I Googled it and the Wikipedia page for artistic license came up, with a short excerpt from a section in the article on grammar. It stated something about how poems can slightly distort the grammar of language, though since the article was in English, it probably only gives examples in English. |
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Zerio920
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| Joined: 06 Apr 2012 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:38 PM |
Would be better if there weren't so many syllables.
It stops the rhythm of the poem. |
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Thomas988
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| Joined: 12 Jul 2008 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:38 PM |
Seriously,
You got talent. You'll do good in school. |
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Zerio920
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| Joined: 06 Apr 2012 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:42 PM |
"Where did those heroes go, whom you looked up to every day? Are they still on top, or did they just fade away? Maybe they were true heroes, who died a valiant death? Or maybe they were fake, celebrated after their last breath? However, after those heroes are buried, long underground They will become forgotten, as the clock is further wound. Those saviors of yesterday, become those of yesteryear. And those who become heroes, will become the image mirrored."
Really, other than the fact that the poem doesn't really "flow", I really like your style of writing. |
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EXcellent
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| Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
| Total Posts: 93272 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:42 PM |
@Zerio Poems don't have to flow well.
They don't even have to rhyme.
"Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal." |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:46 PM |
OP I posted a poem on FB I made in like 5 minutes. Check it out if you want.
~ I can't get out, your flub is blocking the [Content DeL33Ted] door. ~ |
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sdfgw
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| Joined: 08 Jan 2009 |
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| 31 Aug 2012 08:46 PM |
"made in like 5 minutes"
should be good |
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