mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 11:29 AM |
Originally posted on this forum some time ago. This is my final edited version. ---
Devoted to the victims of WW1
1916, Vulcan Pass Romania - The Eastern Front.
It was a perfect, typical August morning. I woke up in my trench with my head on a rock, everything serves as a pillow in this place. We have all kisses our previous life luxuries goodbye. It maybe made us less human, but it toughened us to a point where you could sting us with a needle in our feet and we wouldn't feel it. So much marching... Just yesterday, we walked fifty kilometers before we entrenched at this place. Near the city of Vulcan. We were pushing away the Romanians, at least that's what the officer said. As far as we could tell, there could of been a Romanian division right behind us, chasing us. But I didn't care, I no longer feared death. In fact, I welcomed it. Two years in the army destroyed all fear in me. Destroyed every emotion. But still, the morning, the fields, they were so beautiful. How can something be this beautiful? Amongst all this chaos and destruction, the smell of rotting flesh and gunpowder, amongst that sense of fear in the air. How could something be this beautiful? I raised my head a bit, swept the dust off my forehead and my face, and looked at the landscape. The beautiful European landscape. The grass was green, trees were blooming with life, the sun was slowly bathing us with its pleasant warmth. Up in the distance the tall mountain stood proudly, with that same charm as much as it did thousands of years ago. Before man, before war... As I was admiring the landscape a loud explosion hit my ears. The officer blew in the whistle. This reminded me, it washed away my fantasies and brought me back to the real world. A world where a brother kills his own brother without hesitations. Where pain and suffering are a daily part of life, as much as breathing. I stood up, and with my fellow brothers I stepped in to the field of death, ready to leave this rotting world.
--- Please, criticize my work, tell me what I did wrong, praise what I did right. Show me my mistakes because in the end, that is how you learn; by your mistakes. |
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mimalover
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GenFears
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| Joined: 08 Jul 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 01:49 PM |
| Good, but I noticed frequent grammar errors. However, if this is supposed to be from the view of someone who doesn't know English, I'm shrugging those away. |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 01:56 PM |
Originally, this was supposed to be a Austrian-Hungary soldier but it‘s like he is speaking his own language.
Anyway, thank you for your comment!.I tend to make grammar mistakes because English is not my native language. |
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GenFears
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| Joined: 08 Jul 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 02:03 PM |
| Ah. I want to learn of the coming battle! |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 03:17 PM |
| I guess I‘ll get to work tomorrow. |
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| 23 Aug 2012 03:22 PM |
| You always have a great story. Whether it be star wars or WWI Its great. |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 23 Aug 2012 03:34 PM |
Thank you!
I would continue right now but I just can‘t type on the cell phone. |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 24 Aug 2012 11:12 AM |
Masses of blue uniforms left the trench to face machine gun fire already coming from the opposite trench. Some fell before climbing out, some fell later. In the end, there was no difference. A hand tapped my shoulder and yelled out through the battles noises: "Shakespeare, let's go!" Ah, Shakespeare. I still remember the day I was given that nickname. It was just before I was first assigned to the battalion. A couple of us sat in the camp talking by the fire during a cold night. I quoted Shakespeare a few times and already my nickname was walled in. Many others got their nickname on the same night. Peaches got his when we got a few cans of peaches. We ate them and it was all fine when a few hours later, Peaches felt a strong urge to leave the camp. Last I've seen him running behind a tree with something dripping from the lower part of his uniform. He returned an hour later and from then on, much to his regret, we called him "Peaches". Chrome dome got his when he dropped his hat and the light reflected from his bald head. There were many nicknames but this was not a proper time to name them all. I grabbed my rifle, put the helmet on my head and climbed out of the trench with countless other soldiers. Some were already out, some were dead and others were climbing out. Suddenly I was out, exposed to machine gun fire from the other trench just a hundred or so meters away. I calmly marched towards the other trench in a movement that wasn't walking nor running. Just like a peaceful march in the park. I accepted the fact that I am already dead. That helped me keep my sanity. Our battalion officer helped me. During our first battle, our first field march I was scared beyond belief. In the end I fell in a ditch and decided to stay there, hiding. After the battle was over I went to see the officer, all ashamed. I told him what I've done and he said something I will never forget. He said: "Do you know why you were hiding in that ditch? It's not because you were scared. We are all scared, if we weren't, we couldn't call ourselves human. But, you, you thought there was still hope. You thought you could still make it out alive. But you are already dead, you died when you enlisted. And as soon as you accept it, you won't hide in ditches anymore". With that thought I continued down the field already knowing I was a dead man... |
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GenFears
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| 24 Aug 2012 11:16 AM |
| ... and also knowing that this story is good. |
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Arstemis
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| 24 Aug 2012 11:54 AM |
Pretty cool. 7/10
The only complaint I have is that I cannot get a real picture of the battle field. Using something like this would make it more descriptive, and would make the story reach 9/10.
'Rain sloshed right and left, and splattered on the stone, this way and that. The inky blob of sky slowly enclosed, blowing the eye. Bullets rang across the few trenches, and the cry of the fallen echos'
Made that up on the spot, probably not the best, but still, you get what I mean right? |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 24 Aug 2012 12:05 PM |
Thank you for your comments!
I will continue today or most likely tomorrow. |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 24 Aug 2012 12:28 PM |
@Mark,
Sorry for this late response. I'm having some connection problems.
Anyway, thank you for your complaint! It is true, I failed to give a good description of the battle.
But no worry, I'm saving that for my next post when the battle is supposed to take place. In this post I mostly focused on the characters inner thoughts but the next one is reserved for the detailed description for the battle.
I'll probably get to work tomorrow.
By the way, nice suggestion! |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 08:59 AM |
This was the fourth time I Went Over the Top. It's a phase used to describe an attack on other trenches. It was suicide and we knew it, yet we still fulfilled our duty. Remarkably, I survived three times uninjured. A damn miracle that was. This was my fourth and maybe last time. Everybody knows that their chances of survival are slim but none refuse to go. But that is probably because of the punishment. Cowards are punished by death. The officers are the bravest fools I have ever seen. Lightly armed with just a small pistol they march in front before anyone else encouraging the men to go forward while the machine gun fire sprays everywhere and artillery fire randomly pounds the battlefield. Not far from me, an artillery shell hit the ground and the explosion sent the men near it flying in air. Some of them couldn't be recognized after hitting the ground. I was lucky, the only thing I go was dust from the explosion. I quickly covered my face in a reflex action to shield myself from the incoming dust. The battle cries raged through the air mixed with screams of agony. The air was full with the smell of gunpowder and holes of all shapes and sizes from artillery strikes spread through the once beautiful land. A few men were already at the wire barricades cutting them apart to give way to other infantry men. I raced through the carnage as men dropped like flies just a few meters away from me. And those were not just some nameless figures, these were the men I shared trenches with. I knew them. This was common in this war. Soldiers come and go. You make friends in the morning and in the evening they are already dead. That is the crude reality of this war. You fight alone, you die alone. I fired a few shots towards the machine gun fire just for the sake of it. I didn't expect to shoot anything. After some more marching and countless more deaths, I managed to get to the wired barricades. The march from the trench to the wired barricades is just about fifty meters long but I swear it feels like an entire epoch. The rest of the way must be passed crawling. Crawling through the mud and the dirt while bullets fizzle all around you is not a very pleasant journey and most don't live to tell the tale. I had a destructive battle going on in my head. I couldn't continue anymore, by this moment many strong men brake. I couldn't turn back now so I calmed down, stopped thinking and just passed by the clearance previously made in the wired barricade uncertain of my fate. |
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GenFears
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 10:07 AM |
| Next part coming tomorrow. |
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Arstemis
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| Joined: 30 Oct 2009 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 10:17 AM |
Nice, though I noticed 2 errors.
Hit anything* Break*
I liked it, though, it was ace. I think that stuff relating to god and religion would be nice aswell, as it was EXTREMELY common for soldiers during WW1. A number were saved by the bullet hitting their bible instead of them. |
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mimalover
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| Joined: 18 Apr 2011 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 10:22 AM |
Thank you for noticing the errors. Some managed to get through and their are probably more.
Thank you for linking it.
Also, I think that I am excluding religion because I'm making this characters thoughts my own which is a big mistake when writing and many writers find themselves doing it. It's boring to make a character that fully resembles you but it is a lot of fun to make a character that has a different personality than you.
I am an atheist and I didn't even notice that I avoided religion. Many were religious at that time and I'm going to put it in the next part. |
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Arstemis
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| 25 Aug 2012 11:03 AM |
Yeah, pretty much every soldier had a bible on them.
Also, what about lucky items? Many British soldiers had stuff like 4-leafed clovers, a rabbit's foot etcetera.
Also: there* |
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loppolh
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2010 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 11:11 AM |
| I want napoleonic wars RP. |
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Arstemis
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| Joined: 30 Oct 2009 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 11:17 AM |
@Lolloph
Me and some others were working on it, but we stopped halfway through. |
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loppolh
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| Joined: 26 Jan 2010 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 11:52 AM |
| Yeah, that was me who started that dumbo. |
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Arstemis
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| Joined: 30 Oct 2009 |
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| 25 Aug 2012 12:28 PM |
| Indeed. And it was also you who messed up some of the buffs. :D |
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