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hibill1 is not online. hibill1
Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 32859
18 Aug 2012 12:22 AM
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jewelycat is not online. jewelycat
Joined: 10 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 17345
18 Aug 2012 12:23 AM
No. Don't tell me what to do.
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HardweII is not online. HardweII
Joined: 09 May 2012
Total Posts: 6369
18 Aug 2012 12:23 AM
WHERE'S THE WALRUS PIT
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hibill1 is not online. hibill1
Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 32859
18 Aug 2012 12:23 AM
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Sam010100001 is not online. Sam010100001
Top 100 Poster
Joined: 09 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 34814
18 Aug 2012 12:24 AM
Let it be known that, in this world, there are three types of elephants. There's your ordinary, run-of-the-mill, typical gray elephant. Doesn't matter if he's African or Asian, one tusk or two, he's still a gray elephant. And that there's the first kind. There's also another kind, the blue elephant. Ain't very many folks has seen a blue elephant, and that's a surprise. Ya see, anybody can catch a blue elephant. They don't run, they don't squeal, they just stand there and look blue. And that's the second type. And then there's the third type. That's the pink elephant. Now there's lotsa people who's said they've seen a pink elephant, but there ain't that many people that really have. Them's the rarest, and they hide deep within the jungles, farther in than even the elusive blue elephant. And nobody, nobody has ever caught a pink elephant. 'Cept me. And I'm gonna tell you how.

Ya see, the trick is knowing their secrets. Everybody knows gray elephants like peanuts. Well, pink elephants are just as nuts about raisins, only worse. When a pink elephant finds himself a raisin, he just goes nuts with joy. Ain't nothing happier than a pink elephant eating a raisin, 'cept a pink elephant eating a bunch of raisins. So the first trick to catching a pink elephant is to make yourself a raisin pie, only you put just three raisins in it. Just three. Make up that pretty little pie, and once it's done, don't worry about letting it cool. Just run down outta your house, jump in a row boat, row across the ocean to Africa, hop outta the boat, up on the shore. Then you go through gray elephant territory, then blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant. You go through blue elephant territory until you get to pink elephant territory. Once there, find you a great big tree (they like to walk near great big trees), put your raisin pie on one side, and go hide behind the other, and wait.

Now, eventually, one of them pink elephants will come along, happy as you please, minding his own business. Don't worry; he'll find that pie quicker than you can say deoxyribonucleic acid. He'll stop, get a funny look on his face, then start sniffing the air. Once he picks up on the scent, he'll follow it sure as a heat wave in July to your raisin pie. When he finds it, he'll squeal and dance with glee, and eat that pie all up. He'll be the happiest little pink elephant every did see. And once he's done, he'll head off, happy as a flea on a dirty old dog, 'cause he got himself a raisin pie.

Now, once he's eaten that pie and run off, grab up the empty pie plate, run out of pink elephant territory, through blue elephant territory. But you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant. Run out of blue elephant territory, back through gray elephant territory, down to the shore, hop in your row boat, row back across the ocean, get out of your row boat, run back to the house and bake you a second raisin pie. Now, in this raisin pie, don't put in three raisins. Only put in two. Just two raisins. That's all you need.

Once you've made up that second pie, run down outta your house, jump in a row boat, row across the ocean, hop outta the boat, up on the shore. Then you go through gray elephant territory, then blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant! You go through blue elephant territory until you get to pink elephant territory. Once there, find yourself that self-same tree, put your raisin pie on one side, and go hide behind the other, and wait.

Now, soon enough, that pink elephant is going to come back by there. He found himself a raisin pie, didn't he? Well, maybe he'll find himself another. And, sure enough, there's your second raisin pie. He'll be so ecstatic he'll be beside himself. Don't worry, you don't have to feed two pink elephants. He'll collect himself and go and get him a mess of that pie. He'll start chowing down on that pie... and then he'll notice there's only two raisins in it. Now, he'll think this is rather odd, since that last one had three raisins in it, but he won't get mad. He'll quaff that pie on down and go whistling on his way, happy that he got himself two raisin pies in a single day.

Now, once he's done, grab up the empty pie plate, run out of pink elephant territory, through blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant! Run out of blue elephant territory, back through gray elephant territory, down to the shore, hop in your row boat, row back across the ocean, get out of your row boat, run back to the house and bake you a third raisin pie. Now, in this raisin pie, don't you dare put in two raisins! Only put in one. See the pattern?

Once you've made up that third raisin pie, run down outta your house, jump in a row boat, row across the ocean, hop outta the boat, up on the shore. Then you go through gray elephant territory, then blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant! You go through blue elephant territory until you get to pink elephant territory. Once there, find yourself that very same tree, put your raisin pie on one side, and go hide behind the other, and wait.

Now, eventually, that very same elephant will come tooting along, like before. Pink elephants are very predictable about their paths, especially if there's the chance of finding a raisin pie along it. And, sure enough, there's another raisin pie! He'll hop and dance in ways you never thought that much mass could move. Now he might be a bit cautious, 'cause there was only two raisins in that last pie, but eventually his lust for raisins will overcome him, and he'll attack that pie like a wolverine in your underwear. By the time he's done with it he's gonna be a little miffed. After all, here's a wonderful raisin pie, but it's only got one raisin in it! But a raisin is a raisin, and that ol' pink elephant will still be satisfied.

Now, once he's done and gone, grab up the empty pie plate, run out of pink elephant territory, through blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant! Run out of blue elephant territory, back through gray elephant territory, down to the shore, hop in your row boat, row back across the ocean, get out of your row boat, run back to the house and bake you another, final raisin pie. And in this pie you put...? That's right, no raisins. Not a single wrinkly one.

Grab that final raisin pie, run down outta your house, jump in a row boat, row across the ocean, hop outta the boat, up on the shore. Then you go through gray elephant territory, then blue elephant territory, but you don't stop there, 'cause anybody can catch a blue elephant! You go through blue elephant territory until you get to pink elephant territory. Once there, find yourself that very same tree, put your non-raisin raisin pie on one side, and go hide behind the other, and wait.

Once again, right as rain, here he comes that big ol' pink elephant. Now, remember, he's kinda ticked off right now, having just eaten a raisin pie with only one raisin in it, but once he smells that fourth pie you made, he'll forget all about it. He'll dive over to that tree and descend on that pie like vulture on some road kill. He's a eatin', he's a eatin', he's a eatin'... and only when he's done does he realize there aren't any raisins in that raisin pie! That pink elephant will get himself hopping mad, so mad he'll turn himself blue...

... and anybody can catch a blue elephant!
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moryo7 is not online. moryo7
Joined: 19 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 5028
18 Aug 2012 12:24 AM
i dolan. i thot gooby kill u erlier. how u com bak?


Lol, Ponies.
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jjkickflip is not online. jjkickflip
Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 28622
18 Aug 2012 12:25 AM
:O

-JJ [@iJJkickflip] "Quality, not Quantity."
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jewelycat is not online. jewelycat
Joined: 10 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 17345
18 Aug 2012 12:25 AM
Why couldn't the pink elephant just control his anger!? Now everyone's going to catch him because he's blue! :(
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BlackWarWinner is not online. BlackWarWinner
Joined: 16 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 157
18 Aug 2012 12:26 AM
The orangutans are the two exclusively Asian species of extant great apes. Native to Indonesia and Malaysia, orangutans are currently found only in the rainforests of Borneo and Sumatra. Classified in the genus Pongo, orangutans were considered to be one species. However, since 1996, they have been divided into two species: the Bornean orangutan (P. pygmaeus) and the Sumatran orangutan (P. abelii). In addition, the Bornean species is divided into three subspecies. The orangutans are also the only surviving species of the subfamily Ponginae, which also included several other species like Gigantopithecus, the largest known primate. Both species had their genomes sequenced and they appear to have diverged around 400,000 years ago. Orangutans diverged from the rest of the great apes approximately 15.7 to 19.3 mya (million years ago).
Orangutans are the most arboreal great apes and spend most of their time in trees. Their hair is typically reddish-brown, instead of the brown or black hair typical of chimpanzees and gorillas. Males and females differ in size and appearance. Dominant adult males have distinctive cheek pads and produce long calls that attract females and intimidate rivals. Younger males do not have these characteristics and resemble adult females. Orangutans are the most solitary of the great apes, with social bonds occurring primarily between mothers and their dependent offspring, who stay together for the first two years. Fruit is the most important component of an orangutan's diet, however, the apes will also eat vegetation, bark, honey, insects and even bird eggs. They can live over 30 years in both the wild and captivity.
Orangutans are among the most intelligent primates and use a variety of sophisticated tools, also constructing elaborate sleeping nests each night from branches and foliage. The apes have been extensively studied for their learning abilities. There may even be distinctive cultures within populations. Field studies of the apes were pioneered by primatologist Birutė Galdikas. Both orangutan species are considered to be Endangered with the Sumatran orangutan being Critically Endangered. Human activities have decimated the populations and ranges of both species. Threats to wild orangutan populations include poaching, habitat destruction and the illegal pet trade. There are several conservation and rehabilitation organisations dedicated to the survival of orangutans in the wild.
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BlackWarWinner is not online. BlackWarWinner
Joined: 16 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 157
18 Aug 2012 12:40 AM
Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp, I mean a fricken orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fricken orangutan, because that's not my problem. So the orangutans name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud and laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to the love of your life. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?". Next thing you know she is calling. "I'm hoping we can be friends, Wanna hang out some time?". " Geez. I dunno; me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight (orangutans love monster trucks) In fact, the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in. Oh well, you know my number so don;t be a stra-- Hey, look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making ice cream." At this point the upper hand is yours, Date her or leave her alone in the dust and stay with your best friend Clyde.
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BlackWarWinner is not online. BlackWarWinner
Joined: 16 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 157
18 Aug 2012 12:46 AM
I'm making the sequel.
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BlackWarWinner is not online. BlackWarWinner
Joined: 16 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 157
18 Aug 2012 01:17 AM
"BUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM DADADA DUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM DA DUM"
CLYDE
IN
"HOLY **** ITS A ORANGUTAN".
So we left off with you choosing to to be with the love of your life or Clyde. Well guess what? CLYDE IS A FRICKEN ORANGUTAN!!! You can't get rid of him! By the way it turned out that Clyde was a half Cyborg the whole time. But this is the story of how you and Clyde went to prison. So you and Clyde we're chilling out in your house one day when you hear a knock at the door.
"Package for Professor Clyde!".
"Give my my fricken package." Clyde said.
"Dude what the heck you can talk." The UPS guy said.
"No **** sherlock I'm a fricken cyborg" Clyde said.
"Well like a lot of people have to know about this! This is big! You're a talking organutan!" The UPS guy said.
"That's not gonna happen" Clyde said as he grabbed his lazer gun and shot the UPS guy.
"DUDE WHAT THE HECK!" You said.
"Dude I'm a fricken orangutan why did you get me a lazer gun for a birthday present." Clyde said.
"Because lazers are cool! But why did you shoot him?" You said.
"Because he was gonna tell people about me being a cyborg/talking organgutan." Clyde said.
"Doesn't mean you had to kill him!" You said.
"Dude we got to get this body inside!!!" Clyde said.
"That's your problem not mine." You said.
"If we don't get this body inside we're both gonna be in prison." Clyde said.
"****, FINE..." You said.
You and him pulled him inside but a neighbor had already called the police because they heard a lazer shoot off.
"Glad that's over." You and Clyde said simultaneously.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"POLICE OPEN UP!!!".
"Oh no..." Clyde said.
You went to open the door and the cops said...
"We have a noise complaint. May we have a look around?" One of the officers said.
"Sorry sir, but isn't it illegal to go into a private residence without permission?" You said.
"We have a seach warrant, didn't you know that it is illegal to have any kind of lazers in this state?" One of the officers said.
"No I was not aware." You said.
"So we are gonna have a look around, go sit down." You said.
"This sucks". Clyde and you said simultaneously.
"Did that orangutan just talk?" One of the officers said.
"Ummm, no?" You said.
"Yes he just did. That's so cool!" One of the officers said.
"Thanks pal" Clyde said.
"Well we are gonna go look around now okay?" One of the officers said.
"Okay." You said.
10 MINUTES PASS
"What the-- HEY OFFICER DERP COME OVER HERE!" One of the officers said.
"Oh no..." Clyde said.
"WHAT THE HECK!?!!?!?!" Officer Derp said.
2 MINUTES PASS
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you." Officer Derp said.
That is the story of how Clyde and you went to prison.
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BlackWarWinner is not online. BlackWarWinner
Joined: 16 Sep 2011
Total Posts: 157
18 Aug 2012 01:43 AM
bump
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