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| 06 Aug 2012 05:52 PM |
Chapter 1: The beginning
"Bye, honey" my mom said with keys in hand "Where you going mom?" "Im going to run to the grocery store." and with that she left. So there I was sitting watching TV I phone my buddy John, no answer. I decided to go for a walk, I slipped on my shoes and a light hoodie and made my way out the door. It seemed like a beautiful day but strangely no one was out doing anything, anywhere. I kept walking assuming they were at the pool. When I got to the pool there was nobody. I break into a jog, "HELLO?" I scream at the top of my lungs. No answer. I proceed jogging to the nearest gas station, the guy at the counter looks normal, at least I found someone "Hey mister " No reply "Hello?" thats when he falls over, I see the gash down the back of his head He's dead. I look up at the TV mounted on the wall, theres one of those warning things on the bottom of the screen saying get inside there's a killer on the loose. I start running home when I see my mom driving home she screams "ERIC GET IN THE CAR NOW!" I hop into the car and we drive home. We sit at the table watching the news reports about a tall man wearing a black suit with no noticeable facial features. I notice something in the background a shadow like figure. |
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| 06 Aug 2012 05:54 PM |
| please comment. And give me advice and what you liked. |
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| 06 Aug 2012 07:41 PM |
PROS: Sounds like an exciting story I want to read more
CONS: Grammar problems (that is expected in long posts) No character introduction Cheesy points
Overall, pretty good for a crappy story. |
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| 06 Aug 2012 09:19 PM |
| It was rushed but anyways... Part 2 coming soon. |
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| 06 Aug 2012 09:35 PM |
Chapter 2: Bed time
"Eric, theres a news update on the murder." I rush over to the TV with my mom. The news anchor announces 3 more dead, and this time 2 are kids. I still see the weird figure in the background and it looks closer then before, and now it had tentacles. I asked my mom if she saw it she said no. I was really freaked out. It was late so my mom told me to go to sleep. I did, god why did I go. I went upstairs brushed my teeth got my pajamas on and slipped into bed. Soon after I heard a faint tapping on my window, I though it was just the wind. It got louder and louder until I couldn't bare it anymore I opened my window and I can never un-see what I had seen a dead boy maybe 6 or 7. I came rushing down the stairs tear filled eyes screaming theses a dead kid at my window. My mom came up with me and looked out the window there was nothing. Although I did see something walk past my door, she told me I was just paranoid. I just laid there for a moment, then a sudden sharp knock on my window made me jump. I got up again more tense this time. It was a note a simple note saying Dont think about him. What could it mean I was puzzled all morning. Then I figured it out, it meant dont think about the shadowy figure. Was he the murderer? |
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