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Re: The Prison [Round Two's Entry]

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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:01 PM
Drip...drip...drip. The cellar had a leak in the ceiling it was leaking rain water onto the cold stone floor. It wasn't uncommon anymore, I have grown used to these poor living conditions, I have been in captivity for more than twenty years. I am to have life in this cell, never to be freed; I was captured by them, the Northern Vikings, I was of the Southern obviously... I sat back and inhaled deeply. A cold breeze blew through as the door opened to the hall. I shivered and walked up to the cell door as did many others, some being criminals others being war captives like me.

The sounds of boots hit the stone floor, I listened carefully the sounds revealed there was more than one. Sounded like there was two, no three. Suddenly, they stopped I turned my head to see they stopped at my cell. I look at them two large and armored the one in the middle weak and thin. This was the first time I had ever seen young Finn, he was young, much younger than me. I sported a long graying beard. He sported a clean shaven face.

He looked at me with the same eyes I had when I was first introduced to this cell twenty years ago, scared, hopeless, weak...I knew his pain more than I like to admit. I looked at him into his deep blue eyes, he reminded me of myself many years ago. He was thrown in and the guards locked the cell once more then left. He sat up and looked at me the tucked his head into his knees and was silent. It took him weeks to finally say something.

He looked me in the eye and asked me what I was in for, I responded with the truth, I was a war captive. He seemed to like the response, I would too knowing there were men in for mass murders in here. We began talking more and more, soon I realized we had a lot in common even for our ages. Days passed to us talking, then weeks, then years. Time passed by us quickly we enjoyed each others companies, it had been a long time since I had a friend.

Occasionally the main guard would feel generous and let us get fresh air and sit outside, we couldn't leave anyways; we were on an island. He and I would relax on the warm stones and talk about adventures and war stories, watch the occasionally whale in the distance. We were the closest of friends.

On one day in particular an older friend of mine named Eirik told me that the prison was running out of room and they were going to killing off us prisoners to make room, starting with the older ones, naturally I thought he was just attempting to scare me but after that night I stated hearing screams and crying from other prisoners. The next time we were outside I noticed many of the men I used to recognize were gone now.

Within the next couple weeks I awoke to find Finn was gone, I never would have thought they would have killed him due to the fact Eirik said they started with the oldest, the cell across from me was occupied by a man named Groheim, I decided next chance I had I would ask him about what happened to Finn. It had been days before I had the chance and finally I asked him. He told me Finn had fought for me and told them to take him instead and they obeyed killing him instead of me.

Days went by, I didn't talk, I didn't move; I stayed in my cell without moving I let me food pile up. Weeks later I got a new cellmate, he was young, not quite as young as Finn was but he was younger than me. He was rude and defiant. He was loud and was never quiet. Finally, I snapped and attacked him, he was removed before I had the chance to...

I felt as if I was always sick, they never let me out and never gave me new cellmates, they said I was ill. They said I was mentally incapable of receiving a new cellmate. Over time I began to believe them, that would explain how ill I felt. I was mentally ill, I was insane...Or so we believed.

Over time I had dreams of him, each time he told me something of his past then finally he told me something odd. He told me something coming up in the future. He told me that tomorrow I was to escape I awoke that night in a cold sweat. I knew deep down it was true, I knew deep down I had to escape the place...this hell...

My dissent into madness drove me to want to escape more and more. I attacked more and more others, and was talked to less and less, I knew I was mad. Everyone else knew it too.

The next morning I went about business as usual ate the bread and water dropped off at my cell for my first of two meals and when we were let out for outside time I acted natural until I finally dropped and hid in a small groove in the ground; being as thin as I was nobody noticed me. I circled the whole building and on the opposite side two guards stood guard of the boats, finally alarms went off, most likely for me and they ran inside, I hurried for the boats and hurried off with a small row boat it wasn't until I was about a mile out when I finally noticed they were not chasing me.

Over two days later I found myself in the middle of the ocean with the blazing white sun beating down on my head, my red tan burned my skin, peeling away form the burns. The waves of the ocean white from the sun, I laid back and looked up and the sky and finally I plunged my head into the water drinking wildly. I suddenly stopped, I don’t know why but when I looked up I saw an island.

I began paddling for shore and within minutes I was there I jump out on land. I felt the sand with my toes and then with my hands I hurried for shelter from the sun after I realized how much pain I was in. I sat there for nearly hours until I finally stood to my feet and brushed the sand off the back of my legs. I smiled, my dream was right, I was free.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:03 PM
[NOTE]

This is NOT part of the story, it is just to inform you.
------------------------------------------------------------------


In the story above we see our main character plunge deep into his dreams and madness, he believes he was freed but in truth he jumped into the water NOT an Island, he was simply hallucinating. He drown peacefully.
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:08 PM
That was the most epic story I've ever heard.

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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:09 PM
Thank you. :3
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:09 PM
Oh. He died.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:09 PM
Lol, I am dark. :D
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:10 PM
Oh well. It was still cool.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:10 PM
:P yeah it was haha.
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:11 PM
Was he ever found after he drowned?
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:12 PM
Nope. :3
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:13 PM
How do make up such cool stories?
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:13 PM
I am called CREATIVEmystery for a reason ;) lol
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
30 Jul 2012 08:15 PM
By the way, Can u join the Pwnage Armada?
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 08:15 PM
:l
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superqwertymcawesome is not online. superqwertymcawesome
Joined: 02 Nov 2011
Total Posts: 1119
30 Jul 2012 10:31 PM
Great story, but I found a lot of mistakes. In some places, you forgot to put a conjunction or a comma. But overall, I give it a 5/10
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
30 Jul 2012 10:32 PM
Aw, that stings. Thanks though. :3
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TAKER38 is not online. TAKER38
Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 15210
31 Jul 2012 12:48 AM
I really enjoyed this. The descent into madness was very entertaining and dark. One issue I saw, which is a personal preference of mine, is that you used the word sported twice. While the word is fine for describing something, it is very unnatural. I wouldn't recommend using it twice in the same couple of paragraphs, much less in the sentences beside each other. It's a personal preference so don't take it too hard though.
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COOLTV is not online. COOLTV
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1787
31 Jul 2012 12:52 AM
To long, so I didn't read, also I have no idea what this is about.
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TAKER38 is not online. TAKER38
Joined: 08 Apr 2008
Total Posts: 15210
31 Jul 2012 02:07 AM
If it's too long and you didn't read it, don't comment about it. People like you are what anger veteran roleplayers. It's not like you're life goes by fast. Take some time. Read it. If you don't read it, don't comment on it.
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GiraffeListerine is not online. GiraffeListerine
Joined: 16 Jun 2012
Total Posts: 36
31 Jul 2012 02:27 AM
I Personally loathe the first sentence.

I am fully against the writing out of sound, yes, I know the name but have forgotten the spelling of it. I have used it once to describe a knife hitting the wall, which was ONLY because he couldn't see it! I mean, talk about a cliche that wasn't good to begin with! Popped me right out of the story!

RAIG

Alright, score when I GET MU FACTORY SETTING COMPUTER GHJBB
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epikninja11 is not online. epikninja11
Joined: 22 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 2912
31 Jul 2012 08:08 AM
This was great 9/10. Nice use of being Dark.
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
31 Jul 2012 12:48 PM
@ Epik Thanks...

@Giraffe You scared the crap out of me :c
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LordGleam is not online. LordGleam
Joined: 19 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 2870
31 Jul 2012 12:49 PM
why is this in roleplaying
this IS a story
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CreativeMystery is not online. CreativeMystery
Joined: 29 May 2012
Total Posts: 18749
31 Jul 2012 12:50 PM
Stories are commonly put in the roleplaying section.
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Pwnagemaster100 is not online. Pwnagemaster100
Joined: 23 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 415
31 Jul 2012 03:58 PM
I'd give it a 9.5/10
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