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| 31 Jul 2012 05:45 PM |
[During the war between The Grand Imperium and The Arcadian Union]
"Hey Zachariah wake up" says my friend Mamercus. "You could of just let my alarm go off" I say to him. "well we are being deployed to Historn and will be on the Goliath!" he yells and runs off to get ready. I get out of my bunk get my uniform and walk to the bathroom.While on the way I see James Matryl walk by and i stop and salute him. "At ease Solider"He says to me. I continue to the bathroom and i get into my uniform. All of the Soldiers walk to the Mobilization hub. The Emperor walks up to the podium and everyone claps and cheers. "Fellow Arcadians! we have built the Goliath and are charging head on at our threat!,The Arcadian Union!" He yells. I walk to my cabin and of course Mamercus is my bunkey. I jump onto the top bunk and fall asleep.[End Of Chapter
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emperor Castellian as himself
Chantroom as Mamercus
doomknight4255 as James Matryl
Zachariah as myself of course!
{Feel free to comment and please do!) |
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| 31 Jul 2012 05:46 PM |
here's my comment
>>>>>>>[] |
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petts99
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| Joined: 18 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1469 |
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| 31 Jul 2012 05:51 PM |
| That was very short, and plattitudinous |
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Strieken
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| Joined: 17 Jun 2011 |
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| 31 Jul 2012 05:54 PM |
I do believe it could have been longer, and somewhat more interesting, although it's a good start.
Try having someone proof-read it beforehand, so that you don't end up making any mistakes. |
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Chantroom
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| Joined: 24 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2247 |
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| 31 Jul 2012 05:57 PM |
| I'll proof read, but honestly I don't remember asking to be in the story, oh well, Maybe you should put in the fact that I am a officer not just "My friend" |
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| 31 Jul 2012 07:06 PM |
| Yes i know it was short,but the next chapters will be longer,and yes chant ill do that. |
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