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| 13 Jul 2012 07:45 AM |
I sit here trying to overcome the stress I'm given. And in these sad days is the best I've written. I cant seem to find happiness unless I'm driven. But darkness and horror seem to possess my vision. And turn my light to black and the rest to crimson. So I'm deep in this, and my hope, I guess is ridden. My trust is fading so I start to express suspicion. And when I'm in my world, I reject ya' wisdom. So in the future, you decide to suppress my system. And in this downhill life, yes I'm victim. As I spend all my tryin' to best my rhythm. It ends up turning me into a mess with women. They tell me how it's deep rooted that they find me stupid. I'm weak through it, so I sit alone and weep to it. I pray for the day that this world will treat me right. Until then, I'll remain nocturnal and only greet the night.
---I'm not very good at creating hooks, so I only have that verse at the moment. Tell me what you think, and be honest. I need to know what to improve on. |
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Jmanfh
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| 13 Jul 2012 08:13 AM |
no one wants a depressing rap srsly |
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StellaOwl
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| 13 Jul 2012 08:35 AM |
| I think it would be better if you actually had an uplifting ending. |
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StellaOwl
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| 13 Jul 2012 08:43 AM |
| Bro he said he only has one verse |
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| 13 Jul 2012 08:45 AM |
"Bro he said he only has one verse"
Yea i know
i cant rate a song not finished |
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| 13 Jul 2012 09:26 AM |
I know it's sad. I personally find myself better at sad songs anyway. Ill conjure up an uplifting song later.
And I need help? Why do you say that? I'm going through kind of a hard time right now, it's just a metaphor. "Yes I'm victim" rhymed with all of the other lines, so I fit it in.
But it terms of, just, actually lyrics and so forth, what do you think of that? |
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| 13 Jul 2012 10:52 AM |
| Nice this is pretty good for sad rap song. |
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| 13 Jul 2012 11:54 AM |
Thanks.
And thanks alot piglet, I need some constructive critisicm.
I'll try to add some literal terms, I need to work on that. And, well, I dont have a specific flow. I mix it up for however the song goes. So I'm sure I can find a flow to work with it. Thanks again. |
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jason8630
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| 13 Jul 2012 11:12 PM |
| The hell is going on in this comment section. Anyway it's pretty fine. A metaphor or two could help it a little. |
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SamXD23
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| 13 Jul 2012 11:21 PM |
| it is awful it made me cry in sadness |
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| 13 Jul 2012 11:55 PM |
Second verse...speed it up and say something good
Third verse...make it fast and happy. |
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Jared343
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| Joined: 02 Mar 2009 |
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| 14 Jul 2012 12:08 AM |
| Every song doesn't need to have a happy ending. Let him go with how he wants the song, happy or sad. Jeez. |
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Jared343
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| 14 Jul 2012 12:30 AM |
| @hjames9911 And who are you to speak on behalf of everyone? |
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| 14 Jul 2012 12:54 AM |
@hjames
umm...Eminem-Beautiful and Eminem-Like Toy Soldiers are depressing raps...weren't they both #1 when they came out? |
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| 14 Jul 2012 01:18 AM |
Thanks Jared and noxville. It's my music, I can choose the subject. Dont judge on that, judge on the actual content. And will do, jason. |
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| 14 Jul 2012 01:34 AM |
| Jeff...I think it's pretty good! |
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Jmanfh
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| 16 Jul 2012 01:23 PM |
its bad
liek srsly who wants
a depressing rap
r u liek emo or sumthing |
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Crash6351
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| 16 Jul 2012 01:31 PM |
"WTF. I hate rap!"
I HATE RAP SURE I PROBABLY WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE THESE LYRICS BUT THIS PERSON SAID IT'S RAP SO IT SUKZ |
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| 17 Jul 2012 11:34 AM |
| Eminem had two depressing songs...both were #1 when they came out........................so my guess is people like depressing songs. |
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| 17 Jul 2012 11:38 AM |
>WTF. I hate rap!
how dare op post oatesyfats doesnt want to see! op, i demand you apologize for exposing our friend oatesy to this crap you call music! |
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