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Re: Please tell me if I should continue my story.
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:13 AM |
There are some things that contradict each other, such as slegehammer death and demonic death, ignore those as this is very early in the making. I changed ideas right in the middle :P
Dane stepped out of his car on the pouring, dark night . His shoes slapped the ground, causing a big splatter of water to splash all over the place. Nobody was looking in his direction, he noticed, which was a good thing. He didn’t need any suspicion to arise for his location on this night. The alleyway had an immense amount of shade, which made the alley darker than the whole rest of the city currently was under the almost-completely covered moon. It was also a very long one too, and a thin one that. For anybody to see Dane, they would have to come into the alley and completely expose themselves; and that wouldn’t be a good idea, Dane thought. Two years ago this night Dane’s father died. His death was brutal, he had been bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer. This all happened while Dane was out at a bar, angry at what his father had said to him in their last talk/argument that fateful night. When he returned, Dane found his father lying on the floor of his bedroom with his head almost completely smashed in and blood literally painting the walls. Dane was already used to this sight, as coincidentally, this was the same way his mother was murdered. A year ago from the day his father died, his mother had died almost the same exact way, except that it had happened in front of his own two eyes. They had been watching TV late at night, at about 12 O’Clock, when suddenly the lights flashed, the TV shut off, and everything in the house stood still. Except for the sound of a swing of a hammer and the scream of a 40 year old woman. Once the lights had turned back on, his mother was laying in his arms, her blood splattered all over him. It was a terrifying sight, one that had brought him to tears. Thus this event made him toughen up for the later on event that would soon happen; his father’s death. Dane knew these two events were connected. They had to be; how else could they both have been killed the same exact way? There was no possible explanation; it wasn’t just a pure coincidence. Although, one thought crossed Dane’s mind from time to time; could it have been something supernatural? Dane didn’t believe in any ghosts or demons of the sort, but how else could these happenings be explained? A robber? No. It couldn’t have been a robber. Dane had the police come to the house both times and there was no evidence either time, no forensic DNA located anywhere in the house and or around the bodies. There was one piece of DNA found, though, a piece of hair from an old man that had died several years ago, an elderly by the name of Jemeni. Jemeni had visited their house only once, when he was dying of brain cancer to say goodbye. He had done the same to all of his neighbors; to visit one last time before he passed away. His hair had been falling out a lot at the time, so Dane just assumed the piece of hair found was just from Jemeni, as did the police. Dane jumped as he heard the cry of a bat and jump out of a garbage can at him. Dane, in the flash of a second, pulled out his muzzled revolver and shot the bat instantly. He soon felt sorry for it, not realizing that it would have done no damage to him before he shot it. Dane had trained himself in the art of firearms; he had to, fearing for his safety. What if the man, woman, or even thing who had killed his parents was also out to get him? He had to be assure that he could defend himself when or if the time came. He suddenly slipped on a rock but caught himself before he could hit the ground. Looking at himself in a reflection on the water, he realized his looks had changed. Before his mother and father had died, he was fun-loving. He was almost always laughing, had a good sense of humor, and everybody loved him. There was no reason to hate him. Now, after the deaths of his parents, he wore a black trench coat at all times, with his jet-black hair spiked all over. In the right pocket of his trench coat he held his revolver, and on his left side pocket he held hiss normal pistol. On the inside, however, he held an assault rifle for the tougher jobs. Many didn’t see Dane as dangerous. But he was. Dane had taken it into himself to become an exorcist; to kill the demons. This was mostly to avenge his mother and father, but also to protect others from feeling the pain and suffering he had felt at his parent’s death. He had studied for about two years, before he finally became one. He now visited several demon-plagued areas of the United States to exorcise; his way. The bullets in his guns were infused with special demon-killing chemicals. A couple bullets into the demon and they were gone, back into the hell they had come from. Dane had almost died once; and that time actually awakened the inner power that he had. One dark night, much like this night itself, Dane had been walking. Walking on a dark alley much like the one he was walking in right now. He was on no specific mission, just taking a normal walk that normal people usually do. Then, suddenly, everything around him went black. Then, a demon that had taken the form of a lion jumped out from the shadows and roared at him. Dane pulled out his revolver, pointing at him, staring into the demon’s cold eyes that were filled with hatred. That’s when it happened. The demon jumped at him, clawed the revolver away from him, and pushed him to the ground. He than bit right into his face, causing a deep gash to form, a scar that was still with him to this very day. The demon than surprisingly left. Dane, at this point was falling in and out of consciousness as the blood was slowly flowing out of his face and onto the cold, damp ground. Somebody must have heard his scream of pain once the demon bit him, as an ambulance had come minutes later. He was loaded onto the ambulance, and taken to the hospital. At this point, everything seemed normal to Dane. His gash was being healed, when suddenly, his eyes filled with blue. Than, he burst out of his bed, blue fire flaming from his hands and radiating from his body.. He turned and caused a huge wave of blue, demonic fire to lash out at all the doctors, causing a huge genocide of hospital workers that was all over the news for the coming weeks. At this point, when Dane had regained his human form, and saw all the dead bodies, he couldn’t believe what had happened. The demon had awakened some hidden power that Dane had had all his life. Thinking deeply, Dane realized that a demon must have taken the form of a human long ago and had offspring with one of his ancestors, causing a whole line of generations that had this secret power infused within them, just waiting to be awakened by a fellow demon. Starting from that day, Dane vowed to use his power only for good. He had trained himself to be able to control his demon state, up to the point where he used it to kill fellow demons like himself. Thus he infused his own demon powers into his bullets, providing another efficient way to kill the demons should his own powers be out of use for some odd reason. Being a bit cold, Dane held out his hand and created a spark of blue fire, illuminating himself in it. “Ahh, that’s good.” Dane chuckled to himself. The blue fire sure saved him some money on heating. Tonight, Dane had been called to an apartment on this city street. Apparently, their daughter was acting out lately; acting out so badly that she was almost killing people. Dane was sent to investigate this situation, to see whether or not the girl had the demon powers within her or if she was full blown demon, in which case he would have to kill her. He could not let a demon stay out on the streets, or something like what happened to his parents would happen. Dane finally got to the emergency escape and created a jet with his blue fire, shooting himself up all the way to the top floor. He then looked at the metal door, noticing that it was turned and opened a bit. Somebody had tried to escape but failed. Dane gripped his revolver and silently creaked open the door to a dark room. The first thing he noticed was that it was a two room apartment, one room being the kitchen he was currently in and a bedroom to his left. The second thing he noticed was the two bodies on his right. The two dead bodies of a man and woman about his mother and fathers age at the time they had died. Blood was splattered all over the place, painting the wall like it had done at his parents death. The killing of demons normally had all the same evidence. The girl had to be full blown demon. There was no way this could be done by somebody with only as much power as Dane. He actually pulled out his revolver now, bracing himself for a fight. A fight that would be bloody indeed. He tip-toed to the door to the bedroom, and kicked it down, pointing his gun all around, only to find an empty room. He put his gun back at his side, and looked around, still cautious however. Than, suddenly, a cry was uttered. “Get out of my room!” This demon was an AOR; Area of Residence. This meant that these kinds of demons would always protect the area that they reside or resided in. They would never leave for anything, and anybody who entered the demons AOR was as good as dead. These demons were normally little children who had become attached to the area in which they had resided before their demon powers had truly awakened. This child demon had long black hair, and was staring right into Dane’s eyes. Dane instinctively pulled out his revolver and shot two bullets at the girl, although they both missed as she ran and jumped around the room. While reloading, the girl jumped at Dane and pushed him to the ground. Dane desperately tried to pry the girl off of him, but failed as the girl held him in a headlock, trying to bite at his face. Dane tried the last thing he could do; he head butted her, which worked, and the girl winced in pain in the corner. She stood there in a crouch, hiding her face from him. Pulling out his regular Glock, he aimed it at the demon girl, and said, “Say hi to Satan for me.” He then shot a bullet, and it pierced the girls head, instantly-killing her. He blew the bullet hole, and kicked the demons body. “All the AORs are all the same. Whatever.” He then shot a blue flame at the wall, burnt a huge hole in it, and jumped out. Landing roughly on the ground, Dane brushed off the gravel from his coat. He chuckled a bit to himself, saying, “That was too easy…” He started to look around, cautiously, sensing a sort of surprse may come. Dane quickly doubted this, knowing that it was impossible. He had killed that demon, sent it back to the hell from which it had came from. Dane inserted his gun back into his coat and continued to walk until he had reached the streets. The normal, ragged back streets of New York City. On his right and left, several homeless men and women begged him for spare change, which he graciously gave. He knew these people had a much worse life than his, even if they didn’t have the demonic powers infused into them. His house was located a couple of blocks ahead. It was a small apartment, which, to a normal persons perspective, looked normal. It had a couch, kitchen, television, and a bedroom and a bathroom. But, once he was alone, Dane would lift the carpet up to reveal a trap door, which he would drop into to reveal his cave in which he did experiments on different kinds of demons. Five cops, around the age of 30, started to walk toward him, and raised their guns. “Drop whatever you have and get on the ground!” Dane laughed. “What would you think I would have?” “Open your coat then.” one in the middle demanded, although he looked frightened. Dane, thinking to himself that they knew, suddenly opened his coat. There was nothing there, however. He had sent them in a portal back to his cave underneath his apartment, using his demonic powers behind his back. The cops stood there in awe, their faces looking like something had just killed their entire families. “But…But.. We just saw you burn a huge hole in that house! We watched the entire fight from an open window!” Dane’s expression drastically changed. They saw the entire thing! he thought silently within himself. He then dropped to the ground onto his knees, and raised his hands in the air. “Come. Arrest me.” He said, with a fake look of agony written on his face. The cops look scared to confront him, but finally the one in the middle who had told him to drop his guns stepped forward and handcuffed Dane. This wasn’t a smart move, however, as Dane breathed a huge blue flame right into the face of the cop who had handcuffed him and knocked him out cold. He then burnt the metal off of the handcuffs and freed his hands. Three of the police were left. He knew he would have to use his full power to evade all the bullets flying at him, so he looked deep within himself and truly awakened; his eyes turned blue, and his entire body was engulfed in one big, blue flame. He then started to swat the bullets away with his own body, not moving a muscle. He walked casually towards them, moving his hands in a motion as to throw the bullets back but without much aim. He wasn’t too good at throwing bullets as he was shooting them, even his regular human/demon state. The cops stood there in fear, but they kept shooting bullets until Dane was within one inch of them. He, again casually, picked up one of the police members with one hand and chucked him fifty feet in the air across a couple of streets. The one to his right screamed, “Bill!” and fired a bullet which pierced right through Dane’s skull. This bullet actually hurt. Dane, in his fully awakened demon state, had one weakness; his head. Dane didn’t show the pain, however, knowing he would get back to it later, hoping it had not hit a nerve or his brain. Instead, Dane grabbed the police members gun, infused his demonic powers into it within a split-second, and shot the man who had shot him. Mere humans were extremely vulnerable to the demonic powers. One bullet could give a human so much excruciating pain that they could die at the first simple touch of the bullet, even if it just barely skid them. The human screamed out in pain, fell to his knees, and had several spasms on the ground before his heart stopped beating and he lay there, motionless. The final police member just fell to his knees and begged for mercy. Since he had never even fired a bullet, Dane just let him go. As the police member ran away, Dane returned to his human state and casually walked away as all the homeless men stared at him with faced filled with awe. To Dane, this was a normal day. The humans all around him would stare in awe as he swatted away the police like a fly in a house. He continued to walk to his house, which, by now, was a couple of feet away. That was when, out of the ground, a black portal appeared and from which a creature’s head poked out and attempted to grab at Dane’s feet, to pull him into the underworld. This was unsuccessful, however, as Dane shot the creature within a couple of seconds to close the portal. Monsters from time to time every single day would normally grab out at him and try to pull Dane under. It was a fact of life for him at this point, and he was used to it. The creatures thirsted for his blood, his great, demonic blood. As he rounded the final corner towards his house, he thought about what he was going to do with his newfound powers in the future. Was he going to be an exorcist forever? Was this what he was destined to do? Was there any huge task Dane was to fulfill? The questions stopped filling his head when a pointed, sharp object hit him directly in the neck, and he fell straight to the ground, unconscious.
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:14 AM |
| Go turn it in to your writing teacher and get a F |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:15 AM |
| Judging by your post count and how quickly you replied, I'm not going to take that comment seriously. |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:15 AM |
tl;dr
And didn't care.
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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master36
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| Joined: 27 Nov 2007 |
| Total Posts: 13640 |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:17 AM |
Use it --------> http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowForum.aspx?ForumID=17
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:17 AM |
| Well master, that is just Chapter 1. I tried to add as much detail as possible, so yes it is long. |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:18 AM |
| I'm sorry, the first sentence made no sense to me and it is way too long. Us OTers don't exactly waste our time reading things as long as that. |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:18 AM |
| judging on your story and how many people hate it im not gonna take you srsly |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:19 AM |
Oh my god I can't read this. It's looks like a big jumble of words.
Make the paragraphs more obvious.
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:19 AM |
Nice story.. I'm not really into horror, because I stopped right at the bat and the garbage can. :U |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:20 AM |
| You see, the paragraps are like that because of roblox's system. Believe me, in Word its all indented and obviously organized paragraphs are there. |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:21 AM |
Then I suggest...
...you make the paragraphs...
....more like this.
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:24 AM |
.............Dane stepped out of his car on the pouring, dark night . His shoes slapped the ground, causing a big splatter of water to splash all over the place. Nobody was looking in his direction, he noticed, which was a good thing. He didn’t need any suspicion to arise for his location on this night. The alleyway had an immense amount of shade, which made the alley darker than the whole rest of the city currently was under the almost-completely covered moon. It was also a very long one too, and a thin one that. For anybody to see Dane, they would have to come into the alley and completely expose themselves; and that wouldn’t be a good idea, Dane thought. Two years ago this night Dane’s father died. His death was brutal, he had been bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer. ..................This all happened while Dane was out at a bar, angry at what his father had said to him in their last talk/argument that fateful night. When he returned, Dane found his father lying on the floor of his bedroom with his head almost completely smashed in and blood literally painting the walls. Dane was already used to this sight, as coincidentally, this was the same way his mother was murdered. ..............A year ago from the day his father died, his mother had died almost the same exact way, except that it had happened in front of his own two eyes. They had been watching TV late at night, at about 12 O’Clock, when suddenly the lights flashed, the TV shut off, and everything in the house stood still. Except for the sound of a swing of a hammer and the scream of a 40 year old woman. Once the lights had turned back on, his mother was laying in his arms, her blood splattered all over him. It was a terrifying sight, one that had brought him to tears. Thus this event made him toughen up for the later on event that would soon happen; his father’s death. Dane knew these two events were connected. They had to be; how else could they both have been killed the same exact way? There was no possible explanation; it wasn’t just a pure coincidence. Although, one thought crossed Dane’s mind from time to time; could it have been something supernatural? Dane didn’t believe in any ghosts or demons of the sort, but how else could these happenings be explained? A robber? No. It couldn’t have been a robber. Dane had the police come to the house both times and there was no evidence either time, no forensic DNA located anywhere in the house and or around the bodies. There was one piece of DNA found, though, a piece of hair from an old man that had died several years ago, an elderly by the name of Jemeni. Jemeni had visited their house only once, when he was dying of brain cancer to say goodbye. He had done the same to all of his neighbors; to visit one last time before he passed away. His hair had been falling out a lot at the time, so Dane just assumed the piece of hair found was just from Jemeni, as did the police. ...............Dane jumped as he heard the cry of a bat and jump out of a garbage can at him. Dane, in the flash of a second, pulled out his muzzled revolver and shot the bat instantly. He soon felt sorry for it, not realizing that it would have done no damage to him before he shot it. Dane had trained himself in the art of firearms; he had to, fearing for his safety. What if the man, woman, or even thing who had killed his parents was also out to get him? He had to be assure that he could defend himself when or if the time came. .................He suddenly slipped on a rock but caught himself before he could hit the ground. Looking at himself in a reflection on the water, he realized his looks had changed. Before his mother and father had died, he was fun-loving. He was almost always laughing, had a good sense of humor, and everybody loved him. There was no reason to hate him. Now, after the deaths of his parents, he wore a black trench coat at all times, with his jet-black hair spiked all over. In the right pocket of his trench coat he held his revolver, and on his left side pocket he held hiss normal pistol. On the inside, however, he held an assault rifle for the tougher jobs. Many didn’t see Dane as dangerous. But he was. Dane had taken it into himself to become an exorcist; to kill the demons. This was mostly to avenge his mother and father, but also to protect others from feeling the pain and suffering he had felt at his parent’s death. He had studied for about two years, before he finally became one. He now visited several demon-plagued areas of the United States to exorcise; his way. The bullets in his guns were infused with special demon-killing chemicals. A couple bullets into the demon and they were gone, back into the hell they had come from. ...............Dane had almost died once; and that time actually awakened the inner power that he had. One dark night, much like this night itself, Dane had been walking. Walking on a dark alley much like the one he was walking in right now. He was on no specific mission, just taking a normal walk that normal people usually do. Then, suddenly, everything around him went black. Then, a demon that had taken the form of a lion jumped out from the shadows and roared at him. Dane pulled out his revolver, pointing at him, staring into the demon’s cold eyes that were filled with hatred. That’s when it happened. ............The demon jumped at him, clawed the revolver away from him, and pushed him to the ground. He than bit right into his face, causing a deep gash to form, a scar that was still with him to this very day. The demon than surprisingly left. Dane, at this point was falling in and out of consciousness as the blood was slowly flowing out of his face and onto the cold, damp ground. Somebody must have heard his scream of pain once the demon bit him, as an ambulance had come minutes later. He was loaded onto the ambulance, and taken to the hospital. At this point, everything seemed normal to Dane. His gash was being healed, when suddenly, his eyes filled with blue. Than, he burst out of his bed, blue fire flaming from his hands and radiating from his body.. He turned and caused a huge wave of blue, demonic fire to lash out at all the doctors, causing a huge genocide of hospital workers that was all over the news for the coming weeks. At this point, when Dane had regained his human form, and saw all the dead bodies, he couldn’t believe what had happened. The demon had awakened some hidden power that Dane had had all his life. Thinking deeply, Dane realized that a demon must have taken the form of a human long ago and had offspring with one of his ancestors, causing a whole line of generations that had this secret power infused within them, just waiting to be awakened by a fellow demon. ...........Starting from that day, Dane vowed to use his power only for good. He had trained himself to be able to control his demon state, up to the point where he used it to kill fellow demons like himself. Thus he infused his own demon powers into his bullets, providing another efficient way to kill the demons should his own powers be out of use for some odd reason. Being a bit cold, Dane held out his hand and created a spark of blue fire, illuminating himself in it. ........“Ahh, that’s good.” Dane chuckled to himself. The blue fire sure saved him some money on heating. .........Tonight, Dane had been called to an apartment on this city street. Apparently, their daughter was acting out lately; acting out so badly that she was almost killing people. Dane was sent to investigate this situation, to see whether or not the girl had the demon powers within her or if she was full blown demon, in which case he would have to kill her. He could not let a demon stay out on the streets, or something like what happened to his parents would happen. ...........Dane finally got to the emergency escape and created a jet with his blue fire, shooting himself up all the way to the top floor. He then looked at the metal door, noticing that it was turned and opened a bit. Somebody had tried to escape but failed. ........Dane gripped his revolver and silently creaked open the door to a dark room. The first thing he noticed was that it was a two room apartment, one room being the kitchen he was currently in and a bedroom to his left. The second thing he noticed was the two bodies on his right. The two dead bodies of a man and woman about his mother and fathers age at the time they had died. Blood was splattered all over the place, painting the wall like it had done at his parents death. The killing of demons normally had all the same evidence. The girl had to be full blown demon. There was no way this could be done by somebody with only as much power as Dane. He actually pulled out his revolver now, bracing himself for a fight. A fight that would be bloody indeed. He tip-toed to the door to the bedroom, and kicked it down, pointing his gun all around, only to find an empty room. He put his gun back at his side, and looked around, still cautious however. .Than, suddenly, a cry was uttered. “Get out of my room!” .......This demon was an AOR; Area of Residence. This meant that these kinds of demons would always protect the area that they reside or resided in. They would never leave for anything, and anybody who entered the demons AOR was as good as dead. These demons were normally little children who had become attached to the area in which they had resided before their demon powers had truly awakened. ............This child demon had long black hair, and was staring right into Dane’s eyes. Dane instinctively pulled out his revolver and shot two bullets at the girl, although they both missed as she ran and jumped around the room. While reloading, the girl jumped at Dane and pushed him to the ground. Dane desperately tried to pry the girl off of him, but failed as the girl held him in a headlock, trying to bite at his face. Dane tried the last thing he could do; he head butted her, which worked, and the girl winced in pain in the corner. She stood there in a crouch, hiding her face from him. Pulling out his regular Glock, he aimed it at the demon girl, and said, “Say hi to Satan for me.” He then shot a bullet, and it pierced the girls head, instantly-killing her. ............He blew the bullet hole, and kicked the demons body. “All the AORs are all the same. Whatever.” He then shot a blue flame at the wall, burnt a huge hole in it, and jumped out. ................Landing roughly on the ground, Dane brushed off the gravel from his coat. He chuckled a bit to himself, saying, “That was too easy…” He started to look around, cautiously, sensing a sort of surprse may come. Dane quickly doubted this, knowing that it was impossible. He had killed that demon, sent it back to the hell from which it had came from. Dane inserted his gun back into his coat and continued to walk until he had reached the streets. The normal, ragged back streets of New York City. On his right and left, several homeless men and women begged him for spare change, which he graciously gave. He knew these people had a much worse life than his, even if they didn’t have the demonic powers infused into them. His house was located a couple of blocks ahead. It was a small apartment, which, to a normal persons perspective, looked normal. It had a couch, kitchen, television, and a bedroom and a bathroom. But, once he was alone, Dane would lift the carpet up to reveal a trap door, which he would drop into to reveal his cave in which he did experiments on different kinds of demons. Five cops, around the age of 30, started to walk toward him, and raised their guns. “Drop whatever you have and get on the ground!” Dane laughed. “What would you think I would have?” ................“Open your coat then.” one in the middle demanded, although he looked frightened. .............Dane, thinking to himself that they knew, suddenly opened his coat. There was nothing there, however. He had sent them in a portal back to his cave underneath his apartment, using his demonic powers behind his back. The cops stood there in awe, their faces looking like something had just killed their entire families. ..............“But…But.. We just saw you burn a huge hole in that house! We watched the entire fight from an open window!” Dane’s expression drastically changed. They saw the entire thing! he thought silently within himself. He then dropped to the ground onto his knees, and raised his hands in the air. ...............“Come. Arrest me.” He said, with a fake look of agony written on his face. The cops look scared to confront him, but finally the one in the middle who had told him to drop his guns stepped forward and handcuffed Dane. This wasn’t a smart move, however, as Dane breathed a huge blue flame right into the face of the cop who had handcuffed him and knocked him out cold. He then burnt the metal off of the handcuffs and freed his hands. Three of the police were left. He knew he would have to use his full power to evade all the bullets flying at him, so he looked deep within himself and truly awakened; his eyes turned blue, and his entire body was engulfed in one big, blue flame. He then started to swat the bullets away with his own body, not moving a muscle. He walked casually towards them, moving his hands in a motion as to throw the bullets back but without much aim. He wasn’t too good at throwing bullets as he was shooting them, even his regular human/demon state. The cops stood there in fear, but they kept shooting bullets until Dane was within one inch of them. He, again casually, picked up one of the police members with one hand and chucked him fifty feet in the air across a couple of streets. The one to his right screamed, “Bill!” and fired a bullet which pierced right through Dane’s skull. ............This bullet actually hurt. Dane, in his fully awakened demon state, had one weakness; his head. Dane didn’t show the pain, however, knowing he would get back to it later, hoping it had not hit a nerve or his brain. Instead, Dane grabbed the police members gun, infused his demonic powers into it within a split-second, and shot the man who had shot him. Mere humans were extremely vulnerable to the demonic powers. One bullet could give a human so much excruciating pain that they could die at the first simple touch of the bullet, even if it just barely skid them. ..........The human screamed out in pain, fell to his knees, and had several spasms on the ground before his heart stopped beating and he lay there, motionless. The final police member just fell to his knees and begged for mercy. Since he had never even fired a bullet, Dane just let him go. As the police member ran away, Dane returned to his human state and casually walked away as all the homeless men stared at him with faced filled with awe. To Dane, this was a normal day. The humans all around him would stare in awe as he swatted away the police like a fly in a house. He continued to walk to his house, which, by now, was a couple of feet away. That was when, out of the ground, a black portal appeared and from which a creature’s head poked out and attempted to grab at Dane’s feet, to pull him into the underworld. This was unsuccessful, however, as Dane shot the creature within a couple of seconds to close the portal. Monsters from time to time every single day would normally grab out at him and try to pull Dane under. It was a fact of life for him at this point, and he was used to it. The creatures thirsted for his blood, his great, demonic blood. As he rounded the final corner towards his house, he thought about what he was going to do with his newfound powers in the future. Was he going to be an exorcist forever? Was this what he was destined to do? Was there any huge task Dane was to fulfill? .........The questions stopped filling his head when a pointed, sharp object hit him directly in the neck, and he fell straight to the ground, unconscious.
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:24 AM |
| There. I organized the paragraphs as best as I could within roblox's system. |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:27 AM |
| Thats how a normal novel would normally be, this excerpt is the first chapter which is eight-nine pages in Word. |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:29 AM |
Oh what I actually meant
was using the enter key
for every paragraph.
But I guess that works too.
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:30 AM |
| If I used the enter key, it was making an entirely new thing. Kinda hard to explain. The roblox thing was interfering with all the words X_X |
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ann510287
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| Joined: 20 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 11546 |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:36 AM |
Woah this is actually pretty good.
I didn't read the whole thing because it's midnight here and my brain doesn't feel like cooperating.
•1+3+3=7. Your mind is now blown away• |
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| 16 Jul 2012 12:40 AM |
| Thank you Ann, and yes I understand with the midnight thing lol. |
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