Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 06:19 PM |
I don't know where they came from, but they were just kind of...there. I can't really tell if I like them or not, so, Music forum, can you give me your opinion?
Song 1- nameless atm
Burning with quiet envy, staring as the fire within consumes me As I turn my back to the world, one last time All I see is hatred in even the purest eyes
Sail, sail away As the sea burns today I'm left to face myself, the mirror's so unforgiving Revive me, for all that I've done has left me but a shell And I know, no it's not fair how We see only deceit and lies, through the most biased eyes
I know it's strange, how, even when we've known each other Through so many things, right and wrong, good and bad I still feel like I don't know you, the person staring back at me, in the mirror For all the lies you've ever told me, built a wall of uncertainty But the illusion's fading, now, so
Sail, sail away As the sea burns today I'm left to face myself, the mirror's so unforgiving Revive me, for all that I've done has left me but a shell And I know, no it's not fair how We see only deceit and lies, through the most biased eyes
[ Instrumental, mayhaps? ]
So sail, sail away As the sea burns today I'm left to face myself, the mirror's so unforgiving Revive me, for all that I've done has left me but a shell And I know, no it's not fair how We see only deceit and lies, through the most biased eyes
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Song 2, also nameless
I've been walking on the sun for so long It burns away each part of me, every last little thing All that I can see is far beyond my childish dreams Everlasting, ever-changing, and I, oh I
Can't run away any longer Can't grow any stronger Can't feel this way I do For all that's right and true, has enveloped me in regret The sun grows colder every waking hour Shadows filled with malice stare back at me I can't breathe, but I feel fine
Rivers are filled with tears of many sentient beings Faster than their broken hearts can beat softly Swallowed them whole, did the great blue sky, For I
Can't run away any longer Can't grow any stronger Can't feel this way I do For all that's right and true, has enveloped me in regret The sun grows colder every waking hour Shadows filled with malice stare back at me I can't breathe, but I feel fine
I'm not sleeping today For I wished all my nightmares away Crawling deep through the crevices of a cavern Filled to the brim with hollow promises I won't ever see them again, but I won't fight any longer All I have is worthless, now, but I've learned that I
Can't run away any longer Can't grow any stronger Can't feel this way I do For all that's right and true, has enveloped me in regret The sun grows colder every waking hour Shadows filled with malice stare back at me I can't breathe, but I feel fine
~~~~
Re-reading them makes me realize that they sound really depressing, and kind of cliche. Song two has some really good parts, but the chorus is weak, and song one doesn't seem to make any sense to me. Oh well. |
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Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 06:41 PM |
Unsure if acceptable to bump this, but I will, anyway... bump |
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Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 07:37 PM |
| what genre are these songs |
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Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 07:39 PM |
@alternate I'd say rock, though to be honest I'm not completely sure myself. |
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Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 10:05 PM |
| Sorry to bump this again, but I really would like some opinions on how to improve. |
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ashkiller
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| Joined: 21 Oct 2006 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 10:53 PM |
| Can you sum up what each of these are about? |
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Aderessa
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| Joined: 30 Jan 2010 |
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| 17 Jun 2012 10:57 PM |
@ash I would, but unfortunately, I don't really know. I believe, though, that through rereading I can interpret that number one is about being deceived and left unsure about everything, and two would be about feeling trapped. |
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MeaFairy
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| Joined: 15 Jul 2008 |
| Total Posts: 1932 |
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| 18 Jun 2012 04:21 AM |
I like the first song better, but they're both really, really good. Seriously, I wouldn't change a thing. Who cares if they sound 'depressing', they're meaningful. Keep it up. :D |
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| 18 Jun 2012 04:36 AM |
It is nice, I write songs and find this quite interesting.
Next time, add a beach.
Just joking. :) |
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