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Re: Futuristic Survival story: Chapter Two

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soccermiss is not online. soccermiss
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 3131
26 May 2012 09:48 PM
I already posted the first chapter on here, but I wanted to post
one more. I like this chapter more than the first, so I wanted to share this
one as well. This is the last chapter I'm posting. If you don't like it, please tell me why. This chapter isn't massively long like the first one, but if you still prefer skimming instead of reading, go ahead. I just need true criticism and advice to perfect this story. I appreciate all advice.

Chapter one: http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=68708726

CHAPTER TWO:

   Someone is coming to kill us. The words replay in my mind over and over again. My heart stops. Everything pauses, my surroundings blurring. I can't breathe. 
   "Why would someone want to kill us?" I croak. 
   He shakes his head, sucking in a deep breath. The sound of arguing grows monsterously loud, making it hard to think. The sound of tiny footsteps suddenly overlap the sound of arguing. I look around, but nobody is around us.
   A small body slams into me. I collapse to the ground with a thud, tears soaking the middle of my shirt. It's Jasmine, clutching onto me. Her sobs are quick and loud, her entire face soaked with tears. I brush a blonde strand of hair out of her eyes, gently rubbing her back to calm her down.
   "It's gonna be okay, I promise." I whisper soothingly in her ear, holding onto her tight. She nods quickly, trying her best to regain her breath. 
   Everything goes silent. Not a single sound. All three of us press our left ear to their bedroom door anxiously. 
   A loud siren begins wailing outside of the house, breaking the silence. I press my palms to my ears as hard as I can, begging for the sound to stop. Brandon and Jasmine do the same.
   Jasmine bursts into tears, squeezing me harder. I wish I could do something to calm her down, but I know there isn't anything I can do. I can't even remain calm, myself.
   The door to the bedroom finally swings open. My parents stand at the doorway, their faces flushed of color. Fear fills their eyes. They don't resemble the parents I'm used to.
   My father holds a pistol with his right hand, an oddly shaped knife in his left. My mother has an arm length metal bar in hand, a knife attached to her belt.
    "What's going on? Who's trying to kill us?" I yell, tears burning in my eyes. My throat feels as though it is closing and being clawed apart, my head about to explode. I need answers. 
   My father signals us to follow him, the siren growing louder. I scramble to my feet, staying close behind. We make our way to the living room, huddling into the closet near the front door.
    I scoot to the back of the small space, Jasmine on my lap and Brandon across from me. My parents remain outside of the closet. It sounds like they're locking doors and moving furniture around. I'm assuming to block the doors even more.
   I peek my head out the doorway, watching as my mother rushes around the living room, shutting blinds and tightly securing windows. My father runs back into the living room, a large silver bag slung over his shoulder. 
   Jasmine's sobs become muffled as she buries her face into my shoulder. I rub her back, trying my best to calm her. Brandon tugs at his shirt sleeve nervously, sweat beads forming on his forehead. Nobody is hiding their fear, not even my parents.
   I don't even know what I'm so afraid of. I have no answer to the question burning inside me. The fear of the unknown, I guess. 
   My parents crawl into the closet, shutting the door behind them. They both lean against the door, holding their weapons tight. Ready to fight whatever we're hiding from.
   Before I can ask my question again, my father begins speaking. We all fall silent, including Jasmine, as he explains.
   "Listen to me very carefully. I have waited ten years for this to happen. I knew it was coming. Your mother and I both did, and we are very prepared. Our country is not safe. Especially not now. Soon, the police will come and attempt to arrest you. You'll learn why very soon. We're not going to let that happen."
   All of it begins to hit me like a bomb. Quick and deadly. It also makes no sense. Not a single part of it. I feel Jasmine's fingers dig deeper into my arms. I can tell she's fighting back the tears.
   My father holds up his hand. He's not finished.
   "You're going to run. Run to the forest and never look back, you understand me? We'll hold off the police as long as we can. You guys have to keep running, find safety."
He begins whispering as the sirens quiet down. 
   I can tell each word is painful for him to say. He clears his throat, wrapping his hand around my mother's. They exchange a look, then turn back to us.
   The sound of breaking glass comes from outside the door, the siren beginning to wail again. This time, it's much louder. My parents both hop to their feet, my father pulling on the door handle tighty. They both press their weapons to the wood, prepared to open it at any moment.
   "Daddy, mommy, please come with us!" Jasmine begs, tears streaming down her bright red cheeks. Brandon and I both nod.
They shake their heads, tears also rolling down their faces.
   "Where do we go? We can't survive out there," I yell, struggling to speak. 
   "Just keep running," my father whispers.
     The sound of pounding comes from outside the room. Someone is knocking on the front door. My dad exits the closet quietly, signaling us to file out. 
   Jasmine clings to me, crawling up my legs and up to my back. We run out of the closet together, trying our best to be quiet. My mother approaches the door slowly, pressing her ear to the wood. She turns and looks back at us, nodding.
   "They're here," she whispers, swallowing hard. Her chest rises and falls quickly. You can tell she's terrified. I run to her, pulling her into a tight hug. Jasmine slides off of me, joining into the hug. Brandon follows. She kisses each of our foreheads, her face soaked in tears.
   "I love you, so much." 
    We all nod, choking on our words. "We love you too."
I walk over to my father who's holding all his weight on the door to keep it shut. I wrap my arms tightly around him, sobbing into his shirt. He kisses the top of my head, his body shaking.
   "I love you, sweetheart."
   "I love you too."
I let go, backing away from the door. Jasmine and Brandon each hug him, standing next to me once they finish.
The pounding grows louder, voices now coming from the other side. They're too muffled to understand. My mother pulls out a gun from the back of her belt that I hadn't seen before, sliding it across the floor. I pick it up, examining it in my hands.
   "Run," she mouthes. The chair keeping the door in place, slowly begins scraping the ground as it shifts. They'll break it down any minute now. I slide the gun into my waistband, sprinting to the back door. 
   "Wait," my father hisses from behind us. He tosses the silver bag he was holding, at Brandon. He catches it.
They both wave goodbye, signaling us to exit the house. I can't look back. I can't. 
   Brandon grabs the keys from the hook near the back door and unlocks it. He leaves the house first, Jasmine following. I force myself to turn around one last time. One more.
    The door finally collapses to the ground, my parents falling with it. I pull myself halfway out of the house, watching in horror as police parade the living room, their guns all pointed at my parents' heads. My father punches the nearest police officer, but is knocked to the ground immediately. 
   My mother draws her blade, successfully stabbing one of the officers. They are way over-powered. A large officer grabs her by the wrist, throwing her like a rag doll onto the ground. Blood pools the ground around the officer she stabbed. 
   The police's guns are now pressed against my parents' heads, their fingers on the triggers. I cover my mouth to keep from screaming. It happens in the blink of an eye. They all fire at once. 
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soccermiss is not online. soccermiss
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 3131
26 May 2012 09:58 PM
Bump. Everybody left. .____.
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9PL is not online. 9PL
Joined: 26 Mar 2012
Total Posts: 285
26 May 2012 10:13 PM
tl;dr
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soccermiss is not online. soccermiss
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 3131
26 May 2012 10:18 PM
@9PL

Good for you.
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soccermiss is not online. soccermiss
Joined: 05 Jan 2009
Total Posts: 3131
27 May 2012 09:39 AM
Bump.
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