3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 12 May 2012 07:50 PM |
story line
In a lab About 2120 there was a Group of scientists. There In A clear white room only one door that is reinforced. In the middle of the room the is a table with a dead corpse on It. There are 5 men in white lab coats surrounding it there face in intense consertraion ON man is carefully hold the corpses mouth open with two metal sticks and the other is slowly pouring a green liquid in its mouth. When there done pouring the corpse lets out a spamzim. The doctors quickly back away but they go on ignoring what happened 4 hours later of hard work the day is over they go home. The next day they come back to see a terafing sight The corpse is alive dangling from the celling the head upside and the left eye dangling from its socket it opens it’s mouth to show 2 rows of razor sharp teeth its barley resizable as human. One of the doctors gets on his protection suit and goes The Zim(what the doctors named it) admentenly jumps down from the ceiling slashing the doctor with its claws witch cut through the suit like its paper. He’s is dead instantly. He suddenly starts to jerk and spaz then he slowly gets up eyes blood shot red The Zims smash through the two feet reinforced metal walls and start run down the corridor on two feet at speeds of30Mph The alarms go off but its already to late.
Now You are In the wastland what use to be great citys ZIms are crawling every number one goal SUrvie
Rules What ever I say goes Put Rainbow Sand In the Other If you read everything Don’t argue with admins Regular roblox rules Dont spam GMod Or troll
Cs N.ame: A.ge: G.#ender: Adpernece:(Height,Weight, eyecolor, scars, Skin color, hair) Weapons: Bio:(Not requied) Other:
MY Cs N.ame: Janson Bildlly A.ge:15 G.#ender:M Adpernece:(Height, Weight, eye color, scars Skin color hair)DarkBRown hair that covers the right eye eye color Blueishbrown 5'7" 134Lb. Ragged brown shirt and bblack jeans and nikes Tennies Weapons: Desert Eagle,SHotgun,6In. COmabt Knife Bio:(Not requied) Other:
(This is my first Roleplay That I made don’t spam It.) (=P) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
| |
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
| |
|
|
| 12 May 2012 07:58 PM |
| You are definitely in elementary school, you have too many details on the wrong things. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 12 May 2012 07:58 PM |
| .............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................b...................................................................................................................................................................................................................u.....................................................................................................................................m..........................................................................................................................................................................p........................................................................................................................................................!.................................................................................. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 12 May 2012 08:01 PM |
| (Well LEt see you make A role play. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
| |
|
Riku1257
|
  |
| Joined: 15 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10066 |
|
|
| 12 May 2012 10:48 PM |
| Want me to correct some errors? I'll do that. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 11:55 AM |
| No =/ not really but thank you. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
| |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 12:17 PM |
| NO. Just NO. This makes no sense at all. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Tezco
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2769 |
|
| |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 12:22 PM |
| Title fix. I think I'm gonna play a bit of Minecraft now. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 12:30 PM |
| ( DOnt do thghat this is only my first Rp ANd guess what IM making a oplot to it where nobodys joining) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
| |
|
Tezco
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2769 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 01:01 PM |
| This is one of the worst rp ever. no one will join |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 01:07 PM |
| (This is the first RP I ever MAde and why do you have to be so mean!) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Tezco
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 2769 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 01:08 PM |
| I'm just sayin. Anyway, my first rp was successfull so thats no excuse |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
3sorey
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Oct 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1611 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 04:38 PM |
(Yea what is it, And you cant call it the worst it has'nt st arted yet you dont know) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
masterx
|
  |
| Joined: 14 Jul 2007 |
| Total Posts: 10367 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 04:39 PM |
i'm sorry bro but this is crap |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 13 May 2012 04:44 PM |
| Your grammar and spelling makes me want to puke. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
Xilirite
|
  |
| Joined: 31 Oct 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6995 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 05:08 PM |
Analysis Mode On. :3
"story line"
Nice capitalization there, buddy.
"In a lab About 2120 there was a Group of scientists."
Incorrect capitalization, lack of punctuation, wrong tense, and bland as hell.
"There In A clear white room only one door that is reinforced."
They're, not there. Also, again, lack of punctuation and incorrect capitalization.
"In the middle of the room the is a table with a dead corpse on It."
As opposed to a living corpse. Those are just the worst.
"There are 5 men in white lab coats surrounding it there face in intense consertraion"
Wow, I love Consertraion. It's my favorite thing to do!
"ON man is carefully hold the corpses mouth open with two metal sticks and the other is slowly pouring a green liquid in its mouth."
Ontario Man? Also, two metal sticks? Did they just find a pair of steel toothpicks or something? Also, I've given up on mentioning the fact that There only has one meaning, not 3.
"When there done pouring the corpse lets out a spamzim."
Spamzim? Oh god. They're creating spam bots. Those MONSTERS!
"The doctors quickly back away but they go on ignoring what happened 4 hours later of hard work the day is over they go home."
What, you mean the trained doctors don't care that their cadaver just had a seizure? And they just go home?"
"The next day they come back to see a terafing sight"
Terafing? Tera-thing? Terra-fing? I'm guessing that they saw a thing from Tera and were like "Woah man, that game is awesome, right?" (/has never played Tera)
"The corpse is alive dangling from the celling the head upside and the left eye dangling from its socket it opens it’s mouth to show 2 rows of razor sharp teeth its barley resizable as human."
Those poor scientists can even resize the zombie. Also, the corpse is alive and dangling from the ceiling? How? Did it just come to life and then hang himself?
"One of the doctors gets on his protection suit"
Protection Suit? Really? That is the single worst name for a Hazardous Materials Suit I've ever heard.
"and goes The Zim(what the doctors named it)"
God damn it, guys. First you cancel his show, then you turn him into a zombie/spam-bot hybrid? You guys suck.
"admentenly"
I can't even tell what word you're trying to spell here, that's how this is getting.
"jumps down from the ceiling slashing the doctor with its claws witch cut through the suit like its paper."
Yeah, because it's a HazMat suit, not freaking MJOLNIR. What did they expect? Also, why does it have claws that are also witches?
"He’s is dead instantly."
He's is dead? HE'S IS? Really now? He is is? Are you even past first grade? My six year old brother is better at writing than you!
"He suddenly starts to jerk and spaz then he slowly gets up eyes blood shot red"
I think blood shot red is redundant. Kind of like saying the Eagle of Flight.
"The Zims smash through the two feet reinforced metal walls"
TWO FOOT WALLS? You could fit people in those things, and you're telling me they just walk out? And what happened to the other 4 scientists? Did they just leave? Did they have a heart attack? Were the figments of the first scientist's imagination?
"and start run down the corridor on two feet at speeds of30Mph"
Run on two feet? What, do they just powerslide through the halls at 30 miles per hour (Which is faster then a lot of cars, you idiot. They'd probably get torn apart, moving at that speed all the time with their rotting limbs.
"The alarms go off but its already to late."
Both Invader Zim and the Scientist are Nigerian Princes, and tried for the rest of their lives to give their money away to all the poor internet citizens in the world. Everyone passed them off as spam emails. Eventually, they both died from old age in each other's arms. The End. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Xilirite
|
  |
| Joined: 31 Oct 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6995 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 05:09 PM |
| Damn, I made so many spelling errors. This thread made me dumber. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Riku1257
|
  |
| Joined: 15 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 10066 |
|
|
| 13 May 2012 05:16 PM |
| Your corrections have made me laugh he hardest I have laughed in YEARS!!!! |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|