glgg
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6076 |
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glgg
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6076 |
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glgg
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6076 |
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Musiq
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| Joined: 30 Mar 2011 |
| Total Posts: 9412 |
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Bayat
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| Joined: 10 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 611 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:36 PM |
| too many errors/wrong forum. |
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glgg
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6076 |
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glgg
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| Joined: 13 Mar 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6076 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:38 PM |
A)give us a name B)give us a back story C) Don`t capitolize she, unless it is her name.
Other than that,pretty good. |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:40 PM |
| Something only a Satan worshipper would say. Dynomite. |
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Baka990
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| Joined: 06 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1135 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:48 PM |
| It's alright. Fix the errors though. Theres to0 many. |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:48 PM |
@glgg
In real greek myths, Artemis swore never to marry men and have a relationship with them.
~We live in the matrix,Test Subject~ |
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Baka990
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| Joined: 06 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1135 |
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Bayat
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| Joined: 10 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 611 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 10:59 PM |
I'll try correcting some stuff, not anything about research though. But do, fix it if you're really wanting this to be good.
One morning, a girl was walking to school. Her friend that had been trained asked if she waned a ride, and she said "yes." He called her parents saying she'll be home in a year, She was terrified. She was sent to Perkulay to be trained. People now saw that she was a Demi-God *Authors note: A human, And a godess* ~Bayat note: Incorrect.~ She learned she was the daughter of Artemis. She was afraid of her battles. But then she went to her teacher and said, "I want to go to the outside! I won't die sir, I promise." The teacher refused, but she did it anyways. She didn't know her arrow was powerful enough for a God to smell. Athena ~Who's Athena?~ knew right when she left. The smell of her blood went around the kingdom. The teacher was worried and her trainer was gone rapidly. ~This sentence doesn't make any sense.~ -End of chapter 1 |
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Bayat
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| Joined: 10 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 611 |
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Sorrys
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| Joined: 19 Feb 2012 |
| Total Posts: 6012 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 11:01 PM |
| Aww thought this was a percy jackson book thingy >.< i read all 5 and the 2 on the new series o.o |
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xcn1336
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| Joined: 03 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 5871 |
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Baka990
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| Joined: 06 Aug 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1135 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 11:03 PM |
@Sorrys
I love those books. :D |
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