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CrazehBluestar51 is not online. CrazehBluestar51
Joined: 01 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 15
25 Apr 2012 07:35 PM
Jayfeather sat n his den, just kinda sitting there. Just his luck that Breezepelt had been sent to his camp. 'To help protect the Clans' the leaders had said. 'To stay united.' Jayfeather smelled Breezepelt approaching. "Whaddya want?" He snapped. Breezepelt's only reply was a snarl. As Breezepelt pounced, Jayfeather was bowled over by his sheer weight. Breezepelt lunged for Jayfeather's hind leg, but Jayfeather jumped away. He rounded on Breezepelt, managing to strike his opponent's flank. A thin trail of blood welled up on Breezepelt's side. Breezepelt charged again, and ripped
Jayfeathr's belly. It was not deep, thank StarClan. Jayfeather somehow managed to bite Breezepelt's tail. Breezepelt let out a yowl of pain, and rounded on Jayfeather. His jaws met their mark, and Jayfeather felt the life starting to seep out of him. "Finally, you mangy fox-breath." Breezepelt snarled. "We have battled for moons, but I have won!" Breezepelt raised his bloody muzzle triumphantly. Jayfeather managed to choke out one sentence before he left. "No.... No Breezepelt, you have not..." Jayfeather drew his last breath in a pool of his own blood. Breezepelt, Bloodstained and battered,started toward WindClan territory, muttering. "My work is done. No one will know who killed him. It IS a huge battle after all." Breezepelt let ouch a screech of surprise, that turned to terror, as Lionblaze pounced on his back.......

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lilly4521 is not online. lilly4521
Joined: 07 May 2011
Total Posts: 158
25 Apr 2012 07:53 PM
That is awesome! Really good describing words. and phrases. From 1-100, I give it about a 85. :3
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macewindo215 is not online. macewindo215
Joined: 10 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 43
25 Apr 2012 08:15 PM
You are writing a story off of the Warriors series? Nice job, but try to make your own story come to life like you did here. When it is your own, it takes something that is good, and makes it incredible.
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EOL is not online. EOL
Joined: 25 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 7072
25 Apr 2012 08:16 PM
get out

like

now
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gogobot22 is not online. gogobot22
Joined: 03 May 2009
Total Posts: 6212
25 Apr 2012 08:18 PM
EOL, STFU!

That was awesome, but I don,t know who Jayfeather is yet. DON'T TELL ME
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hippihobo is not online. hippihobo
Joined: 21 May 2011
Total Posts: 2174
25 Apr 2012 08:34 PM
@EOL

Don't hate...

That story. Was. AMAZING. So far at least :3
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Quwazola is not online. Quwazola
Joined: 23 Apr 2012
Total Posts: 133
25 Apr 2012 08:36 PM
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