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| 25 Apr 2012 07:35 PM |
Jayfeather sat n his den, just kinda sitting there. Just his luck that Breezepelt had been sent to his camp. 'To help protect the Clans' the leaders had said. 'To stay united.' Jayfeather smelled Breezepelt approaching. "Whaddya want?" He snapped. Breezepelt's only reply was a snarl. As Breezepelt pounced, Jayfeather was bowled over by his sheer weight. Breezepelt lunged for Jayfeather's hind leg, but Jayfeather jumped away. He rounded on Breezepelt, managing to strike his opponent's flank. A thin trail of blood welled up on Breezepelt's side. Breezepelt charged again, and ripped Jayfeathr's belly. It was not deep, thank StarClan. Jayfeather somehow managed to bite Breezepelt's tail. Breezepelt let out a yowl of pain, and rounded on Jayfeather. His jaws met their mark, and Jayfeather felt the life starting to seep out of him. "Finally, you mangy fox-breath." Breezepelt snarled. "We have battled for moons, but I have won!" Breezepelt raised his bloody muzzle triumphantly. Jayfeather managed to choke out one sentence before he left. "No.... No Breezepelt, you have not..." Jayfeather drew his last breath in a pool of his own blood. Breezepelt, Bloodstained and battered,started toward WindClan territory, muttering. "My work is done. No one will know who killed him. It IS a huge battle after all." Breezepelt let ouch a screech of surprise, that turned to terror, as Lionblaze pounced on his back.......
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lilly4521
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| Joined: 07 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 158 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 07:53 PM |
| That is awesome! Really good describing words. and phrases. From 1-100, I give it about a 85. :3 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 08:15 PM |
| You are writing a story off of the Warriors series? Nice job, but try to make your own story come to life like you did here. When it is your own, it takes something that is good, and makes it incredible. |
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EOL
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| Joined: 25 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 7072 |
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gogobot22
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| Joined: 03 May 2009 |
| Total Posts: 6212 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 08:18 PM |
EOL, STFU!
That was awesome, but I don,t know who Jayfeather is yet. DON'T TELL ME |
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hippihobo
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| Joined: 21 May 2011 |
| Total Posts: 2174 |
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| 25 Apr 2012 08:34 PM |
@EOL
Don't hate...
That story. Was. AMAZING. So far at least :3 |
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Quwazola
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| Joined: 23 Apr 2012 |
| Total Posts: 133 |
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