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Re: The Island of Monet (STORY)

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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
13 Apr 2012 07:04 PM
In the middle of no where there is an island. On the island is a town. This town and the island is called Monet. Few people come to this island because of many horrible rumors. These rumors say that there are many murders and many people disappear. They say there is more crime and that this town is a dangerous place. But that is because this town is centered around the fact that the supernatural is real. Few people in this town believe that it is though. They don't believe that ghosts haunt the halls of schools and live in the homes, watching families as they go about their daily lives. They don't realize that most murders have to do with vampires, who have gone to long without drinking blood. They don't believe that those who die in the forests usually are killed be werewolves who could not control themselves. They don't believe in witches and wizards and curses or anything like that. And because of this they can't protect themselves.... Some people can though, because they are aware of all this. These people are meant to survive...
But this story isn't only about the supernatural. This story is meant to focus on the normal lives too. The lives of the humans who live in somewhat blissful ignorance. This story is meant to tell of the lives you about the children and teenagers of Monet.

~~~This is just the beginning of my story. I didn't get that far... And my idea is just developing. Please tell me what you think. And only leave constructive criticism.~~~
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
13 Apr 2012 07:06 PM
I saw the word 'vampires' and I gave up on it. Sorry, I just don't like vampire stories.
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shark5x is not online. shark5x
Joined: 24 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 596
13 Apr 2012 07:14 PM
This isn't a Vampire story, man.

I like the idea, maybe add a charecter sheet.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
13 Apr 2012 07:14 PM
This isn't really a vampire story. The only reason vampires are in this is because they have to do with the supernatural, they can be used as murderers, and they can have something to do with my special characters. Vampires will probably not pay a big role in this story. If it was going to be a vampire story it would have started differently and not have mentioned ghosts, witches, and curses.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
13 Apr 2012 07:16 PM
This is a story, so there is no character sheet. I am thinking of making this into a role play later but I would like to have the plot down first.
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shark5x is not online. shark5x
Joined: 24 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 596
13 Apr 2012 07:23 PM
Oh, okay.
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ItalyVeneziano is not online. ItalyVeneziano
Joined: 08 May 2010
Total Posts: 3892
13 Apr 2012 07:28 PM
Seemed decent enough, up to the point where the fantasy elements kicked in.
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
13 Apr 2012 07:29 PM
What Italy said.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
13 Apr 2012 07:30 PM
I know. I am going to fix it. I realized I didn't like it some of it after I posted. It didn't seem that bad when I was rereading it and editing it...
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
13 Apr 2012 08:02 PM
Bump...
I need more people to post! Do you guys think I should continue?
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PurelyRandom is not online. PurelyRandom
Joined: 05 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 36763
14 Apr 2012 08:22 PM
@OP; Can you give me some feedback on my story? :l

http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=66234841
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hannahbernier is not online. hannahbernier
Joined: 27 May 2008
Total Posts: 7
14 Apr 2012 08:31 PM
I think your story is true, fantasy. ;)
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 08:58 AM
Bump. O.O I really need to check this more often. Maybe I can get more feed if I did....
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 09:10 AM
~Adalyn~

I live in my own little world. Okay maybe it isn't MY world. Many other creatures live in this world but I am going to call it my world because everything is exactly how I want it to be. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and witches are all real. Humans in this world are usually cursed with either an actual curse or they are cursed with the gift of sight or, according to some humans, the ability to see ghosts. I have that gift, but that is because I am not exactly human. I am a witch. At first I never wanted to be one. Why would I want to be one? They are always ugly and evil people that look so OLD! But then I found out my mother was a witch. She started to mentor me. I excelled in my studies until she died in a tragic fire, set by the poorer and more gifted humans in my town. For months I would not talk to anyone. I was still recovering from the death of my best friend who had died a year or two earlier, I didn't think I could handle life. I tried to commit suicide but some people saved me. Those people were the ghosts of my mother and best friend.
It has been a month since I was saved and my life has gone back to "normal." My mother is still my mentor and my best friend hasn't changed. I am now studying the supernatural and other supposedly mythical legends at Monet Academy. I try and ignore the people who think I am crazy, because I know I am not. I really love my new life because for once I can control it.

~~That is the beginning of chapter... 1?~~~
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AbCatchem is not online. AbCatchem
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 31757
19 Apr 2012 09:18 AM
Nice!
Really nice!
But...could you at least reply on the RP...?
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 09:21 AM
Well I did not expect to see that.... And I would but my person is asking someone a question. They have not replied T_T
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AbCatchem is not online. AbCatchem
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 31757
19 Apr 2012 09:31 AM
Oh...ok...sorry...I just thought you had two characters.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 02:21 PM
I did. But I deleted one cause I hated her. And then one is a npc that I am going to make.
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AbCatchem is not online. AbCatchem
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
Total Posts: 31757
19 Apr 2012 05:17 PM
Ah.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 05:22 PM
Why am I talking about the role play on the story and not on the actual role play.... That makes no sense....
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shikha200 is not online. shikha200
Joined: 30 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 1
19 Apr 2012 06:08 PM
I like it so far. I am a junior writer but you write much more better than me.
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HackingPolice is not online. HackingPolice
Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Total Posts: 163
19 Apr 2012 06:10 PM
I really no like fantasy

Sry.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 06:28 PM
Its not fantasy T_T I messed up the beginning. The fantasy elements are meant to be taken out.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
19 Apr 2012 06:28 PM
And thanks. I am a beginner at writing though... I just got lots of practice from RPing and stuff like that.
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RangerGirl3373 is not online. RangerGirl3373
Joined: 04 Mar 2011
Total Posts: 16364
20 Apr 2012 08:16 PM
Bump.



"Adalyn calm down and focus. No matter what the spell should work but if you don't focus you may not get the desired effect. Understand?"
"Nope," I told my mother as I looked down at my glowing hands.
"How do you not understand! It is a simple curse. It just causes bad luck!"
"I know! But.... It doesn't make ANY sense. Why does focusing effect the spell," I said, annoyed. I never was good at paying attention to ANYTHING.
"If you don't focus you may curse yourself. Do you want that to happen?"
"No.... But... Nevermind, point taken." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated on the "human" we were using as a practice target. It really was something like a hologram or maybe a synthetically made person.
I whispered the spell. "Luck Depart."
This curse was ea- "OW!" I felt like my skin was burning. It lasted for about a minute, then it went away. "What just happened!"
"Adalyn you cursed yourself! Now you need to find a way to rid yourself of the curse!" my mother yelled. She looked extremely annoyed.
"Okay what is the spell?!" I couldn't believe that I had CURSED myself.
"I have NO idea! Most witches don't curse themselves so they don't learn it!"
"MOM!"
"Don't whine. Just go to the library and ask the librarian to see the spell books. Ask the OLD librarian. The one that looks like an old witch. And be CAREFUL! I don't want you to be run over by a car or something."
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