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| 15 Apr 2012 06:12 PM |
In this crumbled up piece of paper, your emotions have been hidden. So long ago, the words of your love song were written. These are the words I long for; I gaze at this paper in unbreakable stares. Thoughts and confusion engulf me, but in the inside my heart flares. I search in the crowds and see you there, as your eyes whisper out to me eerily I love you. But I don’t know what’s going on anymore, is it that I feel this way too?
Dizzy and falling into the darkness, I’ve been used to for many years. I hide down here to rush away and block all of my indefinite fears. I don’t want to open up; no I don’t want to become your puppet. I’ll head back to the enigma and quandary that I was, keeping my thoughts in a locket. I know this seems wrong, like I am just running away. But in the end, I know nothing will become easier and my heart will fray.
So don’t look at me like that, with that hypnotizing smile. For I am scared of the change in what I know, I fear for the new path I am destined to take that will change my life style.
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Hello there stranger! I was just wondering... Would you like to give me criticism on my poem? I would highly apreciate it. Please? I need to know what people think about it. Please and Thank you.
~Daisy. |
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| 15 Apr 2012 07:11 PM |
| I think it is good, decent. Anyone else?? |
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| 15 Apr 2012 07:46 PM |
| What would you guys rate it on a 1-10 scale? |
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| 15 Apr 2012 07:58 PM |
Decent. 8/10
~*`Coolchick32`*~ |
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| 15 Apr 2012 08:03 PM |
Well written although I would bet you are too young to be writing that stuff.
Also, I think it sounds more like song lyrics. Maybe you should go into lyrics instead. |
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| 15 Apr 2012 08:07 PM |
| I bet i'm older than you. XD |
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| 16 Apr 2012 09:52 AM |
| How much do you want to bet? |
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| 16 Apr 2012 02:34 PM |
Hm. Tu che... *Hugz*
And, What? You are 20? o.O?? |
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| 16 Apr 2012 05:09 PM |
| Oh, I shall. I am infinity multiplied by infinity multiplied by the lovely milkyway with a square root of infite light years away. Where there, the stars are exploding after they become a red giant - the last phase for the ones who follow in the path. For, the temperature near the core rises and this causes the size of the star to expand. This is the fate of our Sun in about 5 billion years. Woohoo! Don't you wan't to mark THAT on your calender? Our sun is simply a dwarf star at the moment, so we wont have to worry about it exploding just yet. For it will be past our time and knowledge of an era. I wish the Earth was not a circle, stupid gravity. But without gravity.... haha... we wouldn't be here alive. |
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| 16 Apr 2012 05:22 PM |
| Anyway.... people the poem. Look at the poem. Read it. Weep, or love it. What is your opinions? |
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| 16 Apr 2012 05:50 PM |
| What do you propose for it to be better? |
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| 16 Apr 2012 06:09 PM |
I already told you.
Silly girl. |
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| 16 Apr 2012 06:13 PM |
| For I already heard your comment, so thy don't seek it anymore rather then the exquisite thoughts of others. |
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| 16 Apr 2012 06:41 PM |
| I made another one about love, but it is very depressing and down in emotion. XD |
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| 16 Apr 2012 06:55 PM |
Hm.. This one will get too much criticism and crapp. But, I suppose I'll post what I already have, (havnt finished it - The ending is supposed to be the other side of love. The amazingness and happy thoughts. So, believers, keep in mind this is only half of the story. There is a positive too.) Your alraedy a better friend than my ones in real. XD ---- Love is only a word, a useless nymph, Only seen in fantasies, where love at first sight exists. The prince saves the princess from chaotic tricks, A hallucinatory façade of lies everyone wants to believe with twists.
Love is just a word that everyone wants to hear, They’ve been told all there life, of course, but they’re legends. It’s the 3 worded lie (I love you) everyone wants to believe, Even when the sorrow spreads when everyone breaks to ends.
Love is a simple word, a goal everyone sets, The four lettered noun gives people a reason to live. It is said to be a proven fact that it obviously exists, “Just not everyone was given an equal chance to experience it,” So they miss give?
Love is a confusing word, and it is not really a feeling, It is the way people treat one another – patient and kind. They say it does not demand its own way, People go on living life to see that love truly is blind.
Love is a crazy word, sending everyone falling, It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. It never gives up, never loses faith, The word makes your heart leap, it makes it shout. |
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