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Re: Loner~{A Poem} [Since Mostly Everyone I Know Is Here/All Other Forums are Dead]

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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
26 Mar 2012 01:22 PM
Much more then numerous times I feel,
I am of an nuisance of this world,
Like the one lost piece of a puzzle,
thought never to be found again,
Like the oddity of the pack,
much different from the rest,
Like a loner

Despite that they open up at times,
See me for who I am,
Like the final piece of a puzzle,
without it all incomplete,
Like the alpha of the pack,
without I all would die out,
though those times are rare,

They are short living,
yet well lived,
though every candle burns out,
sooner or later,
and I always welcome either
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awesomehayden123 is not online. awesomehayden123
Joined: 24 Apr 2010
Total Posts: 9497
26 Mar 2012 02:28 PM
Cool.
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
26 Mar 2012 03:32 PM
Thanks.
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
26 Mar 2012 06:56 PM
Bump
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Darkian2 is not online. Darkian2
Joined: 27 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 12200
26 Mar 2012 06:56 PM
Don't bump.
If people like it they will post.
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
26 Mar 2012 06:58 PM
I had posted earlier in the day when nearly no one was on.
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evilworks is not online. evilworks
Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Total Posts: 1192
26 Mar 2012 07:20 PM
Awesome poem!
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
26 Mar 2012 08:15 PM
Thanks!
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TaiWolf1234 is not online. TaiWolf1234
Joined: 16 May 2010
Total Posts: 23207
26 Mar 2012 08:19 PM
Excellent.
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
27 Mar 2012 10:27 AM
Thanks again.
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epikninja11 is not online. epikninja11
Joined: 22 Apr 2011
Total Posts: 2912
27 Mar 2012 10:32 AM
Probably the most brilliant piece of poetry I have ever read.

I tip my hat to you.
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
27 Mar 2012 12:52 PM
Glad you liked it!
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WickedFrenchFry is not online. WickedFrenchFry
Joined: 28 Aug 2010
Total Posts: 8385
27 Mar 2012 07:30 PM
Amazing :3 But, of course, being as much of a creep as I am, I'd like to add my thoughts and constructive criticism.

The only things I see are small. The line, "Like a loner," could use more detail, and preferably it would be much better if it didn't start with like. Also, this poem is wonderful, and you should continue it :3
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
27 Mar 2012 08:21 PM
I'll try..
I'm trying to also branch out more then just more "shallow" poems.
Most of the poems reflect my thoughts/moods of the days, and I've had a rough few days say I would guess that's why it explains why most of them are a darker shade.

I always try to go over with a Thesaurus/Re-Word the poem to try and make it better, though sometimes I don't do as well as I think I could.
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podraptor is not online. podraptor
Joined: 13 Oct 2008
Total Posts: 19826
27 Mar 2012 08:29 PM
"an nuisance" was the only mistake I found in the poem. I like the work of simile :D.
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ezrabean32 is not online. ezrabean32
Joined: 22 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 16
29 Mar 2012 08:35 PM
Love it. Llama you are no longer a Crias. You are a llama.
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Kerion is not online. Kerion
Joined: 24 Apr 2009
Total Posts: 18124
29 Mar 2012 08:38 PM
I enjoyed this poem. Good job.
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VoidHack is not online. VoidHack
Joined: 25 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 15753
29 Mar 2012 08:45 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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ThaCruelLlama is not online. ThaCruelLlama
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Total Posts: 11750
29 Mar 2012 08:51 PM
Thanks!
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