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| 26 Mar 2012 01:22 PM |
Much more then numerous times I feel, I am of an nuisance of this world, Like the one lost piece of a puzzle, thought never to be found again, Like the oddity of the pack, much different from the rest, Like a loner
Despite that they open up at times, See me for who I am, Like the final piece of a puzzle, without it all incomplete, Like the alpha of the pack, without I all would die out, though those times are rare,
They are short living, yet well lived, though every candle burns out, sooner or later, and I always welcome either
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Darkian2
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| Joined: 27 Aug 2008 |
| Total Posts: 12200 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 06:56 PM |
Don't bump. If people like it they will post. |
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| 26 Mar 2012 06:58 PM |
| I had posted earlier in the day when nearly no one was on. |
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evilworks
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| Joined: 14 Feb 2010 |
| Total Posts: 1192 |
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| 27 Mar 2012 10:32 AM |
Probably the most brilliant piece of poetry I have ever read.
I tip my hat to you. |
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| 27 Mar 2012 07:30 PM |
Amazing :3 But, of course, being as much of a creep as I am, I'd like to add my thoughts and constructive criticism.
The only things I see are small. The line, "Like a loner," could use more detail, and preferably it would be much better if it didn't start with like. Also, this poem is wonderful, and you should continue it :3 |
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| 27 Mar 2012 08:21 PM |
I'll try.. I'm trying to also branch out more then just more "shallow" poems. Most of the poems reflect my thoughts/moods of the days, and I've had a rough few days say I would guess that's why it explains why most of them are a darker shade.
I always try to go over with a Thesaurus/Re-Word the poem to try and make it better, though sometimes I don't do as well as I think I could. |
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podraptor
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| Joined: 13 Oct 2008 |
| Total Posts: 19826 |
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| 27 Mar 2012 08:29 PM |
| "an nuisance" was the only mistake I found in the poem. I like the work of simile :D. |
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| 29 Mar 2012 08:35 PM |
| Love it. Llama you are no longer a Crias. You are a llama. |
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Kerion
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| Joined: 24 Apr 2009 |
| Total Posts: 18124 |
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| 29 Mar 2012 08:38 PM |
| I enjoyed this poem. Good job. |
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VoidHack
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| Joined: 25 Jul 2010 |
| Total Posts: 15753 |
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