cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:04 PM |
Book 1 Chaper 1
It was a cold day in Venezia. As I got ready to patrol Alinator, I heard a VROOM! above me. I looked up, and saw hundreds or UCR planes. At that time, there we no Generals, no Colonels, and no other Officers besides me. This meant I was in contorl of about the other 50,000 FEAR members at the base. I ran towards the gate, where Privates, Corporals, Sergeants, and Lieutenants were shocked, as result of the UCR raid. I ordered some Lieutenants to get on the AA guns, while I ordered some Sergeants to go get some RPG's from the base to shoot at the planes.
The mass raid of the UCR planes made all the Privates and Corporals run a muck. I ordered them to prepare if any UCR tanks and ground forces arrived. When I looked up, I saw a FEAR helicopter. When it landed near the gate, I ran towards it. Then the door opened, and FEAR General animalmagic came out. I told her of the situation, and she immediately took control of all the FEAR members. As she ran toward the building to call for backup, a bomb landed 10 feet away from her....
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:06 PM |
| Cool, Venezia? RRM's is Vektavia. Similar to vaktovia. |
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alkia
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| Joined: 15 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25645 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:07 PM |
Since when were planes cars? ''or UCR planes''? ''contorl''? Why are you, a non important FEAR member the protagonist?
So many questions, so many errors.
I advise giving up on writing stories. |
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cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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anlm123
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| Joined: 05 Jun 2010 |
| Total Posts: 446 |
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cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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anlm123
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| Joined: 05 Jun 2010 |
| Total Posts: 446 |
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Armanos
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| Joined: 03 Jul 2010 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:19 PM |
I like it. It's dramatic.
However, 'contorl' is not a word... I suppose you were speed typing? |
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alkia
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| Joined: 15 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25645 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:21 PM |
Shut up FEAR trololol umad this kids has no gramor or skel in writing
It's an arguable fact, but probability suggests that I caused FEAR's reform.
SO YEAH, COME AT ME BRO. |
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cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:22 PM |
| I can pwn you anytime. So shut up you little 2nd grader. |
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anlm123
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| Joined: 05 Jun 2010 |
| Total Posts: 446 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:23 PM |
| alkia, If you don't have anything good to say don't say it at all. |
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cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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alkia
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| Joined: 15 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25645 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:25 PM |
What's a 2nd grader?
Is that year 2 or something like that.
You have the spelling and literacy skill of a ''2nd grader'' *Hopes it was an insult*
I can say what I want, negative criticism is criticism none the less. |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:29 PM |
| Alkia does have a point. But still, speed typing is an unavoidable mess-you-up tool. You can't blame him... |
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St0rmx
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| Joined: 23 Mar 2010 |
| Total Posts: 16104 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:30 PM |
| Alkia is in High School.... |
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Armanos
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| Joined: 03 Jul 2010 |
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alkia
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| Joined: 15 Nov 2008 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:30 PM |
I can touch type too.
When you're writing a story, it's important to make sure your story is impeccable. Sloppy errors make you and your story look bad.
And all FEAR did is rage at me for being honest :( |
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Grapthor
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| Joined: 25 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2715 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:31 PM |
| What type of m00b speed types a Dramatic story, get off you fool, CnG is not for stories, at least, not your kind. |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:31 PM |
"None the less my a s s. You are probably a whiny little b i t c h. And yes, you can say 2nd grader. It's correct grammar."
"It's correct grammar." You sir, have no right to talk over his grammar that was a fragment, never are you to use a fragment. |
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Grapthor
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| Joined: 25 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2715 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:31 PM |
| Get out CPB, your going to far. |
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alkia
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| Joined: 15 Nov 2008 |
| Total Posts: 25645 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:32 PM |
Sir I don't like that offensive language on my forum.
I mustache you to leave.
Oh and, umad? |
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cpb1199
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| Joined: 30 Jun 2011 |
| Total Posts: 1557 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:33 PM |
| I'm a Junior of High School. So shut up. This IS correct grammar. I was speed typing fast because I have a 5 page report due tomorrow. |
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Grapthor
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| Joined: 25 Jul 2009 |
| Total Posts: 2715 |
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| 26 Mar 2012 02:33 PM |
| What type of m00b rages over constructive crit. |
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