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Re: Too lazy to think of a name.

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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 12:39 AM
This is Chapter One of my story.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yellow woke up to the pounding of his dormitory door.

“I’m up! I’m up! What do you want?” he exclaimed.
It was AceB190, his long-time friend. Yellow pressed the button on his bed, and the door slid open with a WHOOSH.

“It’s time to go Yellow, the heli is here. UAF is attacking us at Celeste.” Ace explained. Yellow put on his uniform, grabbed his Pulse, Suppressor, and Cyclone, and headed towards the heli-pad. Secretagentcommander was driving the heli, and signaled for Ace and Yellow to climb aboard. Secret started the helicopter, and flew off.

“Ok guys, I’m going to land inside the courtyard...Fabiao14 tells me that the raiders are on the second floor, and stealing the intel”, Secret explained. The helicopter landed in the courtyard, and met battery56 on his way to the first floor.

“QUICK! HELP! They took FAB! THEY TOOK HIM! They escaped, they weren’t even here to get our intel, UAF just kidnapped Fab and ran!” Battery screamed.

“Well, then we’ll have to change our plans a little...we have to go after Fabiao”, Secret said with concern.

*On a cliff overlooking the courtyard of Fort Celeste*

RodgerDodger was lying down with his sniper. MOOJL was radioing in, asking if he had killed the target. Rodger aimed very carefully, he had all the time in the world. He aimed straight for the heart. BOOM! The target was hit.

“Yeah, I got him, I need a pick-up” Rodger whispered into his radio.

“Oh, well, I wasn’t planning on letting you live...Good luck starving on that desolate cliff.” replied a mysterious voice.

“Wait, you aren’t MOOJL! Who are you!?” Rodger asked. Before Rodger knew it, he was on his back from the force of a RAT sniper shot.
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KennyKenUchiha is not online. KennyKenUchiha
Joined: 18 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 1035
05 Feb 2012 12:46 AM
Its good, put me in it plz. :3
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boombaby is not online. boombaby
Joined: 19 May 2008
Total Posts: 401
05 Feb 2012 12:48 AM
Good, not great. A little vuage, but not as bad as Devils17's story. His made no sense. Your grammar is good though. Over all, it's readable, to much dialouge in this though. To short also, not enough emotion. Gets a little tiring to read after a while.

MY OPINION! HATE OR HUG! MY OPINION!
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dention1 is not online. dention1
Joined: 23 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 2961
05 Feb 2012 12:49 AM
[ Content Deleted ]
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 07:55 PM
Chapter 2!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     “YELLOW! WAKE UP! PLEASE DON’T DIE! DON’T DIE!” Yellow woke up with his energy gone and his vision blurry. He struggled to remember where he was. Then he remembered all that had happened...

     “Did you guys kill the sniper?” Yellow mumbled.

     “Yeah, it was RodgerDodger. Good thing I had my rifle.” Ace explained.

     “Well, let’s go save Fabiao.” Yellow said flatly. The four supervisors got in the helicopter and started the engines. They were about to close the hatch when they heard a faint scream.

     “WAIT FOR ME! HELP!” said the voice. The four supervisors got out of the heli and searched around for the soldier in need. They found Willy1759 stuck under a piece of what seemed to be a shattered barricade.

     “Thanks...Where are you guys going?” Willy said as he dusted himself off.

     “We’re going to save Fabiao,” the four said simultaneously.

     “Can I come?” Willy asked with huge eyes.

     “Sure!” Secret said. The heli was then refilled with RAT members, and flew off.

*Meanwhile, at UAF City*

     “What do you want with me, MOOJL?” Fabiao said with disgust.
                
     “I don’t want anything with you; you’re just bait so your little friends will come here.” MOOJL said with the same distaste. MOOJL exited the prison, and left two guards to torture the Sparrow Supervisor for no reason. Fabiao then sang (Yes, he sang. What’re you gonna do!? He’s Fab. :3) to the guards. They fell asleep because of the beauty of his voice. Fabiao took their clothes and weapons...and set out on his way.

*Back in the helicopter*

     “Ok, I set it on Auto-Pilot; it will notify us of our position every so often.” Secret said.

     “I have a plan...the base will be heavily guarded, so don’t shoot unless shot at. We’re going to land one mile outside the City, and kill the guards. Then we’ll take their uniforms, and walk up the ramp casually. Then we’ll get snipers from their weapon crates and get to the sniper vantage point. The prison is in the same tower as the intel, so we can steal their files AND save Fabiao.” said Battery forcefully.

     “One Mile to UAF City” said the helicopter’s auto-pilot. Yellow opened the hatch, gave each troop a parachute, and jumped. The air whizzed through their hair, until their faces were smothered in the smoke emitting from the city. When each member has landed, they realized that RAT computer systems don’t work within the City. The radios were offline even the red dot sights were dead. Immediately their heli was blown up by LMGs and guards were firing at them.
                
     “GET BACK!” ordered Battery. Immediately each soldier ducked behind a barricade and shot the guards. One by one each guard was killed. With a great show of stealth, each soldier took the guard’s uniforms and weapons. After Ace had dragged the guards’ bodies away and hid them in a dumpster, the mission was continued. Each soldier went up the ramp and hid within the safety of the smoke. After the all-clear was given, one troop at a time, they ran to the nearest weapon crate. Each person got a sniper and went up another ramp. BOOM! Sniper shots flew within two inches of Yellow’s head.

     “RETURN FIRE!” yelled Yellow. After two minutes, each guard was taken care of and hidden.
                
     “Attention all RAT, I know you’re here...please surrender or die. Kthnxbai!” MOOJL said through the intercom.
                
     “Ok, forget the stealth part of this. CHARGE!!!” said Ace.
                
     “FOR FROSTARIA!!!” screamed Secret. Each RAT soldier jumped into the UAF base and ran to the tower. Battery was in the lead. As Battery was looking down, and reloading his gun, he fell over. When he got up, he saw that he had run into a UAF Guard.
                
     “Sorry sir, I heard there was trouble in the prison, so I came to help,” said Battery casually.
                
     “Battery! You don’t recognize me? It’s Fabiao!” said Fab.
                
     “Well, now that we’re here, let’s get the terminal...Yellow and Fabiao, you two go snipe from the vantage point overlooking the terminal, Ace and secret, go up the...” Battery’s sentence was cut off by an explosion.
                
     “DUCK!” screamed Fabiao with huge eyes.
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TierraDelFuego is not online. TierraDelFuego
Joined: 03 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 57
05 Feb 2012 08:03 PM
Literary masterpiece!
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:05 PM
Thanks!
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Brunitop is not online. Brunitop
Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Total Posts: 436
05 Feb 2012 08:05 PM
literary.....lit....lite...... bueno malisimo
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LordVydrak is not online. LordVydrak
Joined: 16 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 28831
05 Feb 2012 08:07 PM
Great. Put me in if you have a part available.
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:08 PM
Thanks Lord...I'll see what I can do about the fact that you and bruni aren't in it.
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yoshislayer is not online. yoshislayer
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Total Posts: 3804
05 Feb 2012 08:09 PM
Red's a cooler name. He beat Blue in the Pokemon league.
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:10 PM
^^^
???
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1qazxc23 is not online. 1qazxc23
Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1412
05 Feb 2012 08:17 PM
Good j00 need meh iz SNIPA :3
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KennyKenUchiha is not online. KennyKenUchiha
Joined: 18 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 1035
05 Feb 2012 08:17 PM
Put me in it, lolz.
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1qazxc23 is not online. 1qazxc23
Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 1412
05 Feb 2012 08:22 PM
Now why would Fabiao say "Duck" I don't think a quaking duck is appropriate this time. Then everyone would look and get picked off by snipers... J00 SILLY!
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:23 PM
-_-
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TierraDelFuego is not online. TierraDelFuego
Joined: 03 Feb 2012
Total Posts: 57
05 Feb 2012 08:27 PM
As if you could write better.
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:27 PM
@Tierra I have no idea who you are, but thanks for your support.
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Toyinator is not online. Toyinator
Joined: 07 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 570
05 Feb 2012 08:38 PM
@boombaby, you are always looking on the bad side. Yellow, that was a great chapter. =D PLEASE put me in it? Im pretty famous for a scout...
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Killer6199 is not online. Killer6199
Joined: 15 Aug 2008
Total Posts: 42327
05 Feb 2012 08:40 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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darckassisin999 is not online. darckassisin999
Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Total Posts: 37
05 Feb 2012 08:41 PM
Put me in it.
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boombaby is not online. boombaby
Joined: 19 May 2008
Total Posts: 401
05 Feb 2012 08:43 PM
@Toy, It's called constructive crisisism. Me, personally I hate giving complements unless they are truely deserved. I am a perfectionist. If something isn't perfect, or almost perfect, I give it critisism. I even critisize myself at time to. I am in some college level writing courses at the moment, I like to critisize other peoples writing cause I want them to get better. I don't want to be the caring person who says "Oh it was perfect! There were no flaws at all! Great job!" That just isn't me. I'm sorry. And also, just because your a scout, doesn't mean your all that. In my next post on this thread will be an example of something I would have to write for my writing classes.
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yellowdude9209 is not online. yellowdude9209
Joined: 03 Sep 2009
Total Posts: 551
05 Feb 2012 08:46 PM
@Boom and Toy, do not argue...stop ruining this thread.
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Xnite515 is not online. Xnite515
Joined: 18 Feb 2011
Total Posts: 22763
05 Feb 2012 08:47 PM
Who did rod kill
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Toyinator is not online. Toyinator
Joined: 07 Jul 2011
Total Posts: 570
05 Feb 2012 08:48 PM
Maybe you guys get surrounded at the top of the base, and then at the last moment, i send u a radio signal saying head for cover QUICK. Then I bomb the area, and land the heli. then u guys get in. =) from then on u figure out wut to write.
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