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Re: My Little Pony: Fanfic is Magic ~Prologue~

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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 04:48 PM
~A Very Short Prologue~


The young filly soared through the clouds. Finally, she was going to graduate the Young Flyer’s Academy! Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash, would be proud. “Hey, Comet Dance!” a voice called from behind. Comet slowed down and turned. “Oh, hi, Kaige Craft!” she panted, “Didn’t see ya there. What is it?” The orange colt only responded with a shrug. “Just wanted to wish ya luck. From both me and Starlight.” Then he flew in the direction of Cloudsdale’s arena. ‘Just a bit longer… Then I’ll be able to show them my perfect move!’
“Contestant Thirty, you’re our next and final!” a voice called. Comet lifted her head from where she had been dozing and snapped wide-awake. She bolted out from behind the curtain and did a bunch of speedy tricks. Without pausing to take a breath, the young filly burst straight up. The crowd tilted their heads up to see her, squinting and putting hooves over their eyes to keep from the sun’s powerful rays. Once she was only a small dot in the sky, just as a lifting balloon, Comet sped straight forward, a trail navy-and-ice blue sparkling like ice drifting behind her. The high altitude made her head spin until she couldn’t take it any more. With a wild grin, Comet went straight back down after doing a quick loop-around.
She barely slowed down before slamming into soft, fluffy clouds with a muffled ‘Oof!’ and a small bit of its pure powder tainting her mane and tail white. The filly lifted her head and was shocked when she saw Princess Luna herself! “It seems to me that thou shouldst look on thy flank,” the princess of the night said, a smile touching upon her face. Comet turned her head and leaped up high, hear soaring as much as the rest of her, at the sight of a blue comet on her flank.
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hOTMCm6 is not online. hOTMCm6
Joined: 09 Jan 2012
Total Posts: 914
03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM
oh my god
actual paragraphs
and grammar


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SpeedyTehturtle is not online. SpeedyTehturtle
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6117
03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM
woo, time to proofrea-

"Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash,"

nvm
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Inks13 is not online. Inks13
Joined: 22 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 12312
03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM
Please put this all on one thread.

might make things easier to read.
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PowerfulZombie is not online. PowerfulZombie
Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 5208
03 Feb 2012 04:51 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 04:52 PM
Okay :3 Thanks, I'm, kinda new to forum-ing XP
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PowerfulZombie is not online. PowerfulZombie
Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 5208
03 Feb 2012 04:53 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 04:55 PM

I'm getting this all from the group I'm in, only my OC is the main character in this story =) Tell Thekaijugod, the owner of the group, that I approve of your joining.
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ashley544 is not online. ashley544
Joined: 07 Nov 2009
Total Posts: 7257
03 Feb 2012 04:56 PM
terrible and unoriginal plot and crappy names

ot's official diglett
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Inks13 is not online. Inks13
Joined: 22 Dec 2009
Total Posts: 12312
03 Feb 2012 05:02 PM
@ashley: Sorry, who are you again?
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:02 PM
You have your opinion, other people have theirs. I don't mind if you hate on me for it, just don't drag my friends into this. Your opinion is of little worth to me. I'd like to see you do better, though ;)
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:03 PM
http://www.roblox.com/My/Groups.aspx?gid=414133
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noisyjones1 is not online. noisyjones1
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Total Posts: 5397
03 Feb 2012 05:03 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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speedracer33 is not online. speedracer33
Joined: 06 Jun 2009
Total Posts: 4173
03 Feb 2012 05:07 PM
Why did Princess Luna not use her TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE?

Nope.
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:08 PM
Thanks, bro. This is my first REAL story, as I do many fanfics in my head and on walls. I've been meaning to type something on the lines of this up and scribbled it all out last night. This single compliment put a wild grin on my face =)
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squareblokhed is not online. squareblokhed
Joined: 10 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 24980
03 Feb 2012 05:08 PM
I feel like writing a story myself this is so bad.
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:11 PM
Go right ahead and do so. As I said to that other person, haters' opinions are of no value to me. All they do is motivate me even more, so keep flaming.
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squareblokhed is not online. squareblokhed
Joined: 10 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 24980
03 Feb 2012 05:13 PM
Likewise, I'm being inspired by my own hate... which come to think of it is REALLY sad... I'll just give you some constructive criticism.

It needs more description, I don't feel immersed in the story.
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:16 PM
Thank you very much, constructive criticism is just what I need. Next time I won't spend only a half hour on things. =) As I said before, I'm a foruming noob.
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squareblokhed is not online. squareblokhed
Joined: 10 Nov 2008
Total Posts: 24980
03 Feb 2012 05:17 PM
You're welcome. *Goes to get writing*

*Notices it's 15 minutes until bed* Tomorrow it is.
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SpeedyTehturtle is not online. SpeedyTehturtle
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Total Posts: 6117
03 Feb 2012 05:18 PM
most importantly, use the enter key.

The young filly soared through the clouds. Finally, she was going to graduate the Young Flyer’s Academy! Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash, would be proud.

“Hey, Comet Dance!” a voice called from behind.

Comet slowed down and turned. “Oh, hi, Kaige Craft!” she panted, “Didn’t see ya there. What is it?” The orange colt only responded with a shrug. “Just wanted to wish ya luck. From both me and Starlight.” Then he flew in the direction of Cloudsdale’s arena.

‘Just a bit longer… Then I’ll be able to show them my perfect move!’

“Contestant Thirty, you’re our next and final!” a voice called. Comet lifted her head from where she had been dozing and snapped wide-awake. She bolted out from behind the curtain and did a bunch of speedy tricks. Without pausing to take a breath, the young filly burst straight up.

The crowd tilted their heads up to see her, squinting and putting hooves over their eyes to keep from the sun’s powerful rays.

Once she was only a small dot in the sky, just as a lifting balloon, Comet sped straight forward, a trail navy-and-ice blue sparkling like ice drifting behind her. The high altitude made her head spin until she couldn’t take it any more. With a wild grin, Comet went straight back down after doing a quick loop-around.
She barely slowed down before slamming into soft, fluffy clouds with a muffled ‘Oof!’ and a small bit of its pure powder tainting her mane and tail white.

The filly lifted her head and was shocked when she saw Princess Luna herself!

“It seems to me that thou shouldst look on thy flank,” the princess of the night said, a smile touching upon her face. Comet turned her head and leaped up high, hear soaring as much as the rest of her, at the sight of a blue comet on her flank.

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Kingddd333 is not online. Kingddd333
Joined: 23 Jul 2008
Total Posts: 4762
03 Feb 2012 05:20 PM
I can't write anything but poetry and songs. Kinda glad too.
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:20 PM
Okay, I'll use that method too. The indent doesn't seem to work on here, eh...
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PowerfulZombie is not online. PowerfulZombie
Joined: 22 Jun 2010
Total Posts: 5208
03 Feb 2012 05:21 PM
[ Content Deleted ]
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lucariogirl511 is not online. lucariogirl511
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Total Posts: 20
03 Feb 2012 05:22 PM
Lol? Thank you very much, I guess...? XD
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