|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:48 PM |
~A Very Short Prologue~
The young filly soared through the clouds. Finally, she was going to graduate the Young Flyer’s Academy! Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash, would be proud. “Hey, Comet Dance!” a voice called from behind. Comet slowed down and turned. “Oh, hi, Kaige Craft!” she panted, “Didn’t see ya there. What is it?” The orange colt only responded with a shrug. “Just wanted to wish ya luck. From both me and Starlight.” Then he flew in the direction of Cloudsdale’s arena. ‘Just a bit longer… Then I’ll be able to show them my perfect move!’ “Contestant Thirty, you’re our next and final!” a voice called. Comet lifted her head from where she had been dozing and snapped wide-awake. She bolted out from behind the curtain and did a bunch of speedy tricks. Without pausing to take a breath, the young filly burst straight up. The crowd tilted their heads up to see her, squinting and putting hooves over their eyes to keep from the sun’s powerful rays. Once she was only a small dot in the sky, just as a lifting balloon, Comet sped straight forward, a trail navy-and-ice blue sparkling like ice drifting behind her. The high altitude made her head spin until she couldn’t take it any more. With a wild grin, Comet went straight back down after doing a quick loop-around. She barely slowed down before slamming into soft, fluffy clouds with a muffled ‘Oof!’ and a small bit of its pure powder tainting her mane and tail white. The filly lifted her head and was shocked when she saw Princess Luna herself! “It seems to me that thou shouldst look on thy flank,” the princess of the night said, a smile touching upon her face. Comet turned her head and leaped up high, hear soaring as much as the rest of her, at the sight of a blue comet on her flank.
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
hOTMCm6
|
  |
| Joined: 09 Jan 2012 |
| Total Posts: 914 |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM |
oh my god actual paragraphs and grammar
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM |
woo, time to proofrea-
"Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash,"
nvm |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Inks13
|
  |
| Joined: 22 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 12312 |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:50 PM |
Please put this all on one thread.
might make things easier to read. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:52 PM |
| Okay :3 Thanks, I'm, kinda new to forum-ing XP |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:55 PM |
I'm getting this all from the group I'm in, only my OC is the main character in this story =) Tell Thekaijugod, the owner of the group, that I approve of your joining. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
ashley544
|
  |
| Joined: 07 Nov 2009 |
| Total Posts: 7257 |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 04:56 PM |
terrible and unoriginal plot and crappy names
ot's official diglett |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
Inks13
|
  |
| Joined: 22 Dec 2009 |
| Total Posts: 12312 |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:02 PM |
| @ashley: Sorry, who are you again? |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:02 PM |
| You have your opinion, other people have theirs. I don't mind if you hate on me for it, just don't drag my friends into this. Your opinion is of little worth to me. I'd like to see you do better, though ;) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:03 PM |
| http://www.roblox.com/My/Groups.aspx?gid=414133 |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:07 PM |
Why did Princess Luna not use her TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE?
Nope. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:08 PM |
| Thanks, bro. This is my first REAL story, as I do many fanfics in my head and on walls. I've been meaning to type something on the lines of this up and scribbled it all out last night. This single compliment put a wild grin on my face =) |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:08 PM |
| I feel like writing a story myself this is so bad. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:11 PM |
| Go right ahead and do so. As I said to that other person, haters' opinions are of no value to me. All they do is motivate me even more, so keep flaming. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:13 PM |
Likewise, I'm being inspired by my own hate... which come to think of it is REALLY sad... I'll just give you some constructive criticism.
It needs more description, I don't feel immersed in the story. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:16 PM |
| Thank you very much, constructive criticism is just what I need. Next time I won't spend only a half hour on things. =) As I said before, I'm a foruming noob. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:17 PM |
You're welcome. *Goes to get writing*
*Notices it's 15 minutes until bed* Tomorrow it is. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:18 PM |
most importantly, use the enter key.
The young filly soared through the clouds. Finally, she was going to graduate the Young Flyer’s Academy! Her big sister, the one and only Rainbow Dash, would be proud.
“Hey, Comet Dance!” a voice called from behind.
Comet slowed down and turned. “Oh, hi, Kaige Craft!” she panted, “Didn’t see ya there. What is it?” The orange colt only responded with a shrug. “Just wanted to wish ya luck. From both me and Starlight.” Then he flew in the direction of Cloudsdale’s arena.
‘Just a bit longer… Then I’ll be able to show them my perfect move!’
“Contestant Thirty, you’re our next and final!” a voice called. Comet lifted her head from where she had been dozing and snapped wide-awake. She bolted out from behind the curtain and did a bunch of speedy tricks. Without pausing to take a breath, the young filly burst straight up.
The crowd tilted their heads up to see her, squinting and putting hooves over their eyes to keep from the sun’s powerful rays.
Once she was only a small dot in the sky, just as a lifting balloon, Comet sped straight forward, a trail navy-and-ice blue sparkling like ice drifting behind her. The high altitude made her head spin until she couldn’t take it any more. With a wild grin, Comet went straight back down after doing a quick loop-around. She barely slowed down before slamming into soft, fluffy clouds with a muffled ‘Oof!’ and a small bit of its pure powder tainting her mane and tail white.
The filly lifted her head and was shocked when she saw Princess Luna herself!
“It seems to me that thou shouldst look on thy flank,” the princess of the night said, a smile touching upon her face. Comet turned her head and leaped up high, hear soaring as much as the rest of her, at the sight of a blue comet on her flank.
|
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:20 PM |
| I can't write anything but poetry and songs. Kinda glad too. |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:20 PM |
| Okay, I'll use that method too. The indent doesn't seem to work on here, eh... |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|
| |
|
|
| 03 Feb 2012 05:22 PM |
| Lol? Thank you very much, I guess...? XD |
|
|
| Report Abuse |
|
|